Watch your language!

Lately I have been triggered continuously by things that other people say or do.  It has become a gooey, sticky mess and I have had many uncomfortable moments.  My once reasonably quiet mind has started to chatter and the itty bitty shitty committee has had much to say.  The chatter is projecting into the future and causing some anxiety. 

As I don’t like to live with anxiety or a busy mind I have been actively trying to determine why I have been responding in this manner.  It is easy to say, that person or situation, is a problem and place the blame elsewhere but we all know that is neither true and won’t solve a thing.  Today the truth finally hit me!

Words have meaning:

Words carry weight for me.  I see all words spoken as a means to set my intent.  Therefore when I say something I mean it and I see it as an agreement.  My word is my bond.  What I have noticed is that some people use words without any intent.  Words are just spoken flippantly as a matter of course with no agreement attached.  So my problem is – I see an agreement where there is none.  This is a tough one to swallow, because again I am assuming that everyone has my gravitas when it comes to words.  From now on I will ask for clarification and not simply make assumptions. 

In addition I have discovered that I have been drawing in a certain type of tyrant.  Tormentors – these are people whose own pain and anger is so deep that they make every attempt to reduce your joy and happiness.   They torment you with words and emotional abuse (which may turn to physical abuse) depending on their character.  In my case it is the emotional roller-coaster that is upsetting my equilibrium.  This lesson has huge significance for me because when I engage with anyone I create a connection.  I also realize that it is not about cutting ties but rather about becoming detached from the outcome.  I need to learn to care only for my energy and my words and leave other people’s actions and words outside my circle.

Now that I have some clarity about what is going on I realize I am creating drama in my life by not setting boundaries and speaking my truth.  Of course taking these actions with a tormentor will have consequences and I need to remain detached.  Intent and strength of will is required to work through and heal the trigger.  Once the trigger no longer has hold… it will be done.

So be it!

Love & Light

2018, Exit Stage Left...

For some of us it is good riddance!  Yes I know, for many of us 2018 was a rough year.  2018 seemed more chaotic than usual and nothing worked out the way we planned… or very little anyway.  I would like to just speak to 2018 and it’s energy one last time so bear with me.

We saw the #metoo and other feminist movements and agenda’s being brought to the forefront in 2018.  So much so that we could be lead to believe that 2018 was about healing the Feminine but that could not be further from the truth.  We saw prominent men brought to their knees last year.  We saw other men reaching out and speaking across the divide that separates the feminine and the masculine. 

2018 was the beginning of the shift of the Masculine Collective.  The old masculine paradigm is an energy that is no longer Universally tolerated.  As with any shift there is pain but only if we hang onto the old ways.  The men who were brought down were the pillars that held up the old paradigm and one by one they have been falling and will continue into 2019 but with more subtlety.

The unfortunate thing is that many people only saw the “angry Feminine” as the face of the year but these women were the catalysts for the Masculine shift.   Without their action the outdated masculine would continue to prevail.  It was about balancing the “me” and “we”.

Armed with this information reflect on your own 2018.  How were you able to bridge the gap in your own relationships with the opposite sex?  I know that there were shifts with my relationships with my sons mostly due to the fact that they softened.  The shift however was not without chaos and conflict in the first part of the year as I set boundaries and they pushed back.  As the year continued and ego’s, mine and theirs, let go of how we thought it should be and healed rifts I saw a gentle shift towards a deeper understanding. 

For men who were not ready 2018 was tough, they broke relationships and stepped away from their healing process.  I witnessed a lot of fear response to letting go of the past, although thankfully there was a return to stepping into the new Masculine energy for many, but only after the December Solstice and full Moon which was the ultimate and final shift of the year.

So here we are with 2019 wide open in front of us.  What will it hold and where are we heading as a collective consciousness?  Only time will tell…

Love & Light!

4 Truths about Healing no-one ever talks about…

Healing is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself however in the midst of the gift are a few hidden truths that you only start to discover once your path is set.

Not everyone cares:

We all feel that we should be supported by the people who love us as we start our journey towards healing.  The truth is though that most people who know you want you to stay the same.  Although hard to believe it is because they know your triggers and the patterns they run with you.  As you start to heal your past you change and that can be scary for some.  The usual patterns no longer apply and they will start to lose control over you.  Co-dependent relationships it will become harder to maintain and will become an issue for you and the other person.

You will lose friends:

Friends will starts to drift away as you change.  You will find more and more that you lose contact with old friends that don’t see the change in you as positive.  Additionally you will find that you don’t have the same things in common anymore.  As your vibration increases you will naturally let go of relationships that don’t serve you. There is a positive side here though, those who do support your change will stay and their vibrations will increase as well.

You will fail – many times:

There will be days where your one-point will shift, your emotions will rule as they did before and the “itty bitty shitty committee” in your mind will run wild.  However the good news here is that as you heal you will be able to return to a neutral state quicker.  Don’t get discouraged when you feel as if you are taking one step forward and two steps back, you are not truly, we continually come back to the things we thought we knew to gain a deeper understanding.  Also an unhealed pain or pattern will keep showing up in your life until it is healed.  The Universe gives us many opportunities to heal all the triggers and pain patterns we run in our lives.  Healing takes determination and strength of will.

Change is difficult:

Staying the same is so much easier than healing that it could be tempting to give up.  You already know everything about your life and changing takes you into the unknown.  The unknown is a place where nothing you do can be anticipated.  You don’t know how you will respond to anything and everyday will be a balancing act between the past, present and even the future as you start to speculate what the next test will be.  However we know that pain is a great motivator for moving forward as long as you move through the fear of what the unknown might look like.  The trick is to remain in the present and deal only with one thing at a time.  Baby steps…

Even though these truths seem challenging healing is still the best thing you can for yourself.  Imagine a life where you feel balanced and whole.  Imagine a life where remembering the past is painless and new challenges are dealt with courageously without causing blame or shame.   It is all worth it because in the end you get to SHINE….

Love & Light

I am Heathen… and this is why.

People often ask me why I am Heathen.  For some time I wasn’t able to give them and answer that made sense, it was as if I couldn’t quite put it into words.  So, I spent some time thinking about it why I am a Pagan so that next time I was asked I could answer the question clearly without hesitation.

I have always believed in something greater than myself, the Church however left me cold.  I felt that the Patriarchy of Christianity didn’t feed me.  I could not reconcile a God of love with one who spoke of an eternal punishment if you did not follow the rules.  Then Jesus died and for our sins and was resurrected.  That took a lot of responsibility off our shoulders; we could ask for forgiveness and be saved but there was still there was something missing.  

Here are my reasons for choosing to be a Pagan:

Re-incarnation:

I was very young when I started to believe in re-incarnation.  I could never wrap my head around how one would get only one chance to live a good life and not make any mistakes.  In my everyday life I was granted chance after chance by my earthly Father why would a heavenly Father not be more compassionate if he were a God of love.  I feel certain that I will keep coming back until I am enlightened and I am absolutely convinced that I have lived many lives both of power and darkness.

Goddess Worship:

Somewhere deep inside my subconscious I knew that there were Goddesses that had been stripped of their power and were waiting to be worshipped once again.  I could feel the rise of the feminine and I wanted to be part of that movement.  However I never become only a Goddess worshipper I believe in balance where both the masculine and the feminine are revered. 

Karma:

I believe in the law of Karma and free will; what you sow so shall you reap.  To me this means that if I do my best to be a good person that is what will be returned to me.  If I do harm intentionally it will have a karmic repercussion.  Every experience in my life is a consequence of a decision I made. 

Free Will:

I have free will and I therefore have the freedom of choice and there is always a choice.  With choice comes great responsibility.  I attract everything good and bad with my intention and the choices I make.  Choice is freedom!!

Responsibility:

Even though there is something comforting about Jesus taking away our sins I prefer to take responsibility for my own life and deeds.  I feel that only through learning, healing and striving to be a better person can I become a part of Source. 

This is why I am Heathen and proud of it.  I feel in control of my life but in the knowledge that there is a reason for everything and nothing is coincidence.  There is a synchronicity to my life that allows it to flow, move and be vibrant.  There is a Great Mystery at work and I am part of it...

Love & Light

3 Things to stop doing in 2018

At the beginning of this New Year I want to attempt to get us all to look at things from a different perspective.  I find that we are all very hard on ourselves.  We will often give others a break for failing or making a mistake but we won’t forgive ourselves for the same thing.  This year I want us to all practice self-compassion and change our perceptions.

One of the most used self-criticisms I hear is “I should know… do…change…” etc.  It is that word “Should” that causes many problems in our lives because we beat ourselves with it.  I have a question… why should we know or do anything?  Would we not do it if the time is right and if we really knew?  It always makes me think about a Buddha quote I love.

To know but not to do is not yet to know ~ Buddha

First thing to go = Should, replace with “I want to.”

Making mistakes is another area where people beat themselves up.  Making mistakes is a natural way of learning.  Get to the stage where you feel comfortable making mistakes and learning new things and explore the outer edges, as that is where we grow.

Second thing to go = Fear of making mistakes.  Replace with “I want to learn.”

Fear of walking the edge.  We often say no to things that would stretch us and help us grow.  We do this out of fear of the unknown and the result is we keep our world and experiences small.

Third thing to go = Saying No.  Replace with YES!

Finally I want to remind everyone that we are all doing the best we can.  We make our decisions based on what we know and it is only once we have acted on the decision that we can see if it was good or not.  Hindsight as they say is 20/20. 

So cut yourself some slack.  Relax take a deep breath… after all, you’re only human…

Love & Light

4 Characteristics that show you are a catalyst for others.

Have you found that people who are right in the midst of a personal struggle will gravitate to you and that your energy seems to guide them through their crisis?  Well that may mean that you are a catalyst of other people’s healing.

I am not referring to the daily healing work I do as a practitioner. No, I am talking about a much deeper personal and emotional healing done in a one-to-one relationship.  

I am looking at why I get drawn into these situations.   With my own experiences I have found that the following traits and behaviors attract the people who are in need of a catalyst to make life changing decisions:

Authenticity

After years of working on myself I have come to a place in my life where I feel truly authentic.   I don’t feel judged by anyone because I don’t care what others think and I don’t judge others.  The saying “What other people think of you is none of your business” resonates with me at a conscious and unconscious level.  This authenticity leads to ease in my dealings with others and makes them feel comfortable to share their secrets.

Intensity

I live my life with an intensity that is seldom matched in people around me.  Other people who resonate the same become close friends and in these cases there is no energy loss on either side.  The ones who don’t vibrate at the same rate find my intensity and energy acts like a catalyst for them.  They draw from this and use it to spark change in their own lives.  In most cases this is not a problem because I have learnt how to protect myself from energy vampires.

Heart Connection

My heart is open to my community, my friends and my family.  My heart is generally open in this way.  I do however keep my heart hidden in a relationship until something happens that triggers a happy memory and allows me to open it.  Once that happens I am 100% present and engaged.   I don’t play games well, so I avoid them.  I am either in or out there is no in between.  This trait often makes the other person feel safe and then they start to engage at a deeper level.  There are times they run because they are just not ready.  When they run I struggle to just let it be at first but I soon see the wisdom

Enthusiasm

I am nothing if not enthusiastic.  I have a passion for life and I don’t play small.  I have lived most of my life taking risks and laughing at most of the consequences.  My motto, if you don’t laugh you’ll cry and that won’t solve anything.  So I choose to laugh.  If doesn’t hurt less but it is more bearable and affords me the grace to hold my head up and laugh with others at my crazy life.  People who need to feel protected when taking a risk notice this.  They draw energy from me to step into the unknown.

Do you have the same traits?  For me it isn’t always easy… sometimes I invest and find that I am left asking what went wrong.  Does this happen to you?  Have you been left wondering how come you have been squeezed dry? 

Here is what I know; you have far more reserves than you think.  You will always return stronger than before.  You will recover quickly as long as you are never a victim.  Perhaps it is yours to do but remember you always have a choice.

I realize quickly that I choose my path and that there is power in every choice I make.  Life is glorious and we should all live it to the fullest, even if it means taking risks and laughing in the face of despair.

Choose wisely…

Love & Light

All We Need Is Love...

It is said that all we need is love for humanity to be happy and for our lives to have meaning, yet this seems to be one goal we all strive for and hardly ever reach.  In this time of division I have been reflecting on this.  Why do we humans seem so incapable of love?

All Teachers of Light throughout the ages have spoken of Love being the most important thing in this life and that through love we are able to transcend our egos’ because when we love we are thinking of someone else rather than ourselves.  It is also one of the reasons that sacrifice is rewarded in literature, music and history.  Selflessness is seen as a virtue.

So why is it so hard for us to love one another?   Interesting that Jesus said that the commandment second only to loving God is to, “Love thy neighbour as thyself” and it is in this statement that I think the flaw lies.   Most of us don’t love ourselves at all. 

We all live with this dilemma.  Depending on how we were raised we may think that loving ourselves is selfish because we might have been told as kids how selfish and spoiled we were.  Alternatively we might have grown up believing that we are worthless and being told that in many ways, at school and at home.  Most of us are used to conditional love, if you do this for me I will reward you; if you don’t then you will be punished.   Perhaps this is why we love dogs so much.  They don’t want anything from you and they give you all their love unconditionally, even if you don’t feel you deserve it. 

This brings me to an experiment that was done by performance artist Marina Abramovic.  She stood still for six hours and allowed people to do anything to her body without any repercussions.  She removed all responsibilities for their actions.  What's frightening is that it very soon devolved into a sadistic, violent tableau.  Why I wonder, why did people not shower her with affection?  Why all the hate, fear and violence?

So how do we fix this as a society? Buddha said it clearly, “If you see yourself in others, then who can you hurt?”  Yet that won’t help us either if we don’t love ourselves.  We need compassion and empathy for all people not only the ones who are in agreement with us.  It all comes down to healing ourselves so that we can truly love ourselves.  How do we do that?

Forgiveness – we all make mistakes but we have to forgive ourselves for the mistakes of the past.  Mistakes are there to teach and they are part of the journey of life.  Remember that we are only human.

Releasing anger and hurt – if we can bring ourselves to let go of all the hurt and anger that we hold onto we are able to open our hearts.  While we are living with hurt it is impossible for us to allow anyone in.  We always keep them at arm’s length and this leads to separation.

Fear – when people aren’t the same as us we tend to keep them at a distance.  They don’t look, speak or act like us so they must be too different for us to love.  If we can’t heal the fear and distrust of people within ourselves, how are we ever going to change our perspective?  

Love & Light

We Reap What We Sow...

I have been sitting with recent events waiting for some enlightenment, meditating trying to find peace. It has been long in coming and I have gone through the all the usual emotions shock, anger and now acceptance. For me it is not about who was elected so much as why the world in such a place that this is even a possibility.

It is simple really and we are all responsible. “How!” you cry. “How can it possibly be our fault?” We would all like to believe that we are good people and that we care for our neighbour. Sometimes we even act like we do but deep down there is a darkness of the soul that makes its-self known in the most insidious of ways.

Our thoughts of fear tear us apart.  We fear one another and separate from each other and in so hand over the one thing that will truly set us free, love.  The people who would control us know this and have been using this against us since the beginning of time.  We stand idly by while people we feel superior to are vilified. That is what it is about, our own self-importance and how we judge others for their ignorance because they do not believe as we do.

I have been doing soul searching to find the ways in which I have caused this separation.  I have meditated and done ceremony to heal these fears.  I have listened to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, looking for answers.

 I feel I may have found the answer; it is only through seeking truth and practicing compassion, for ourselves and others that will we find peace…

Love & Light

Let Go...

I think we have spoken about this before but I have learnt more about it. As I watch the leaves turn and fall from the trees I am reminded that letting go of dead things can be beautiful and painless.  This year has been particularly beautiful. I notice people stopping at the side of the road to take pictures trying to capture the beauty.  I also know that it is impossible to capture the intense colours and that it is something that you have to commit to memory.

But let’s get back to letting go.  We all believe that letting go means that we are letting go of the past. Those past hurts and pain that we need to work with so that these things will no longer trigger us in negative ways in our here and now.  Yes this is true, but to do that we have to heal and that is a journey of self-discovery and forgiveness; forgiveness of oneself and others.

I would like to talk about letting go of something more present though.  The daily fear that our little ego’s dream up for us, the reason that our ideas are stillborn because we are too fearful of taking a leap of faith. These are not always huge things it could be as simple as self-care.  Many people put themselves last on the list and inevitably we find when we look into why, that it is because somewhere in their psyche they believe that they don’t deserve better. These negative thought are the serial killers of our happiness.  Those are what we need to let go of. 

We also know that stopping negative thoughts is one of the most difficult things to do, so I can hear you say “HOW?”  It is a process but here is how:

The Triple A approach:

·         Awareness

Once you become aware of the negative thoughts you can do something about it. So the first step is to listen. Listen to your thoughts with a second attention. Are you constantly berating yourself? Are you telling yourself you can’t possibly do something for various reasons? Are you always justifying and trying to explain yourself to yourself and others? If you are this is a cause for anxiety and stress which in some cases can become extreme and debilitating.

·         Assessment

So now that you are hearing the thoughts you must assess them. Take the little ego out of the equation and look at them neutrally.  Is the thought true? For instance “Is it real?” Do you really have to take on another person’s problems?  Are you choosing to make life difficult because that will keep the status quo and you won’t have to take a risk or step into the unknown? Are you not speaking your truth or are you denying yourself happiness because it is easier? Assess the true situation, stop lying to yourself… you deserve more.

·         Action

Now take action. Take a deep breath and change the thought.  “Yes I can, I have the skillset to… make the speech; change the dynamic of a relationship; take a stand and whatever else comes I can deal with the consequences.   

It is understood in Shamanic circles that a single thought lasts for seventy years… yes that is not a typo, seventy years. Think about that for a minute… what are you sowing?

Love & Light

Empaths – what are you doing in my space?

I know, I just pissed a lot of people off but I think it is a question that begs asking.  I am worn out by the expressed self-pity of empaths.  What is an empath anyway?  The dictionary says: “A person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.”

Really, did I give you permission to step into my circle and “feel” my mental or emotional state? I don’t think so!  Surely my thoughts, feelings and emotions are mine to feel and own and not to be randomly high jacked by another.  What really annoys me on top of it all is that the empath will then take my angst or fears as their own; take it on and wear it like a cloak, all the time bemoaning how horrid it is to feel other people’s stuff.  Well enough then – DON’T!  I have not given you permission in the first place!

Let’s get one thing straight, this is not a paranormal ability.  Every person I know has the ability to feel what another is feeling and feel empathy for another.  Some choose not to use their ability at all and remain quietly asleep. Others don’t give a damn and disregard everyone’s feelings but their own.  That doesn’t mean they can’t, they just don’t want to.  Perhaps sociopaths and psychopaths feel nothing at all – but they are not most people, then again one could argue that they feel everything and that it is exactly this ability that makes them such skilled manipulators.

Most people will feel empathy for others when faced with their sadness or grief, this is normal.  So what is the difference you ask?  The difference is that most people will not be so presumptive as to tell you that they can feel your feelings better than you can.

Empaths that can’t go to busy places with a lot of people, or the one crying in a crowd… you need to find a way to ground yourself.  Perhaps look at ways that you can protect yourself from the onslaught of other people’s feelings.  I know it must be very confusing and chaotic.  Do you feel it makes you special and different and is this feeling of "specialness" stopping you from holding your space? Is there a different way your gift can be applied where you don’t have to be crushed by all that is going on around you? If as you say it is such a burden to bear it might be time to find a way to tone it down.  There really is no need for you to absorb my feelings or anyone else’s.

Personally I feel deep empathy for people. Let me add that this has not always been so. It is only after my awakening and starting to heal that I have been able to open up enough.  As a person who works with people working on their personal growth it is a requirement.  However, I have their permission and it is in a safe controlled environment.  When I go out into the world, I go with an open heart but a protected Soul.  I keep my fibers to myself and don’t impose my luminosity, feelings or presence.  And I don’t want anyone doing that to me…

Love & Light

Are you ready for Love?

When I first came up with this topic I started to sing Bad Company “Ready for love” then came “Crazy little thing called love” Queen then “Thing called love” Bonnie Raitt and on and on. I don’t think there is a topic in the universe that has been written or sung about more. Then why is it that it eludes so many?

We are obsessed with love as a species. Everything we do is in some way connected to finding that one person in the world that will love us unconditionally. We scour the earth for him or her thinking that somehow we will find true happiness. But many won’t and don’t… why?

Because love is not something that you can find, love is inside you. Happiness is not something that someone else can give you, no matter how much they love you. Happiness comes from within and is locked up in “LOVE OF SELF”!

If you are unable to love and accept yourself you will be unable to love and accept anyone else. And how do you get to that place of self-acceptance? There is only one way – and that is to heal all past hurt.

Unhealed all you will do is be triggered by the past and it will dictate how you react and respond to all the people around you. The past will always give you exactly what you don’t want; if you were abandoned you might be needy and this makes the person you are in a relationship with run in most cases. Even if he or she stays you could end up in a co-dependent relationship perhaps the other person has a need to control and bam the relationship is out of balance or even toxic.

If your trust has been shattered will you be able to truly open your heart and allow someone else to see into you? That is what intimacy means, “in-to-me-see”.  Or will you always hold a little back, just in case, to protect yourself?

So I ask again, are you ready for love? Have you healed the dark recesses of your mind? Have you let go of the pain of past hurt? Take a minute and ask not just your brain but your soul if you are.

Until you have done your own self-discovery and found out who you are at the deepest level and learned to love yourself you are only starching the surface of finding love. If you can’t love yourself unconditionally how can someone else? That doesn’t mean that you won’t from time to time slip into old patterns and act out in fear, but you will catch it before it is too late and be able to hold on to the best relationship in your life, the one with yourself… then all others will follow.

But all is not lost!  Occasionally we are lucky and we find that one person who is happy to help us unpack our baggage and burn the shit we don't need.  So keep your head up your eyes open, do your work and never let go of hope...

Love & Light

5 Behaviours That Will Destroy Your Dreams…. EVERYTIME!

Everyone has dreams and it is of no consequence how big those dreams are or how small.  How you approach your dreams either makes them become reality or remain a daydream.  There has to be steps taken for a dream to become reality.  Just waiting for the Universe to bless you will never work, let’s face it – even if you dream of winning the lottery – you still have to buy that ticket!  Of course providence and being in the right place at the right time also comes into play but usually it also means that some type of action was taken to place you in that space. 

Often we will put all our effort into something only for it to not work out.  This happens frequently, however it regularly turns out that something better is just around the corner out of sight.  When this happens you will usually hear “Wow that worked out for the best.”  

The five behaviours I am going to discuss are the ones we use consciously or subconsciously to block our dreams. 

1.  Not Taking Responsibility:

Stop blaming other people for your shit!  Your parents, siblings, husband, girlfriend, boss or co-workers are not responsible for your choices.  We all have histories and we have all made mistakes – so own yours.  You don’t have to take the blame for other peoples choices only your own.  Sometimes we react to circumstances and people in such a way that we sabotage ourselves, a “cut your nose to spite your face” scenario.  Inevitably we have some hand in the circumstances so we have to take a good hard look at our role and take responsibility without judgement of ourselves or others.  You will find that all the drama will evaporate when you deal with the facts leaving you open to heal your wounds.

2.  Not Taking Action:

Procrastination and laziness are dream serial killers.  Talking up a storm about how you are going to make something happen is never going to bring it to fruition, you have to take action!  An example might be that you want to eat better, so you go to the store and buy healthy choices and look for healthy recipes only to flop down on the couch and get take out.  The food rots away in the fridge to be thrown into the garbage.  Of course we have excuses – I was too tired, I had a tough day at work, the kids drove me mad – but none of these are really valid if we value ourselves and our dreams.  Stop allowing excuses and justifications to ruin your dreams, make a commitment to yourself and your dream and take action!

3.  Break From Reality:

Living in the past or in the future will kill your dreams every time.  When we dwell on the past our story is ever present.  Stories stir up emotion and confuse the brain.  We start to project the same outcome as we have had in the past and it forces us to hold onto patterns.  Living in the future is just as destructive it makes us believe that if circumstances would somehow change then we will be happy.  You can however be happy now just by seeing reality for what it is and being grateful for what you have.  Worry has never solved a single problem, only action does and if there is nothing that can be done then acceptance of your reality is all there is.  Upon acceptance you will feel a weight lift off your shoulders, your emotions will calm down and your brain will clear opening the door to a new understanding of the problem and a new path to take.

4.  Having No Integrity:

What does integrity mean?  It means to have a quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.  It is a state of being whole and undivided.  Lies will stop dreams in their tracks.  The worst kind is the lies you tell yourself.  All the justifications that we have when we don’t act from a place of integrity cause negative energy around us, within ourselves and with others.  When your word can’t be trusted energy can’t move.  What we think and say is the driving force behind the energy we send out into the universe.  Lies cause chaos!   When we stop lying to ourselves and/or others, energy starts to flow and the universe starts to move in your favour.

5.  Self-Importance / Self-Pity:

Two sides of the same coin.  You can’t have self-pity without self-importance.  This is a difficult concept for most – I know I struggled with it for a while.   Self-importance makes us believe that rules don’t apply to us and that we are entitled.   It is that entitlement that blocks dreams because it makes us believe that we don’t have to put any effort in.  Think about what we call the “Entitled Generation” – they are so used to just getting what they want, often without deserving it that it becomes their nature.  If this behaviour is not rectified it can shift into narcissism and in extreme cases become a disorder.  To clarify I am not referring to self-esteem or self-worth – these two traits are essential to make dreams come true.

Self-pity on the other hand allows you to wallow in your misery.  It is a way to indulge in our inability to calm our emotions and break with our past.  It blocks our healing process and keeps us caught in all the situations where we believe we were the victim.  We remain victims of our past and our actions and attract negative energy and stagnation.   Often we find ourselves surrounded by negative people as a result.  When we believe that everything and everyone is against us we will not act because we are fear driven.  Dreams are not born from fear but from courage; courage to heal, to step into the unknown and to take up the challenge and move forward. 

How do you block your dreams?  Which of these behaviours do you practice, all or just some?  Do you fluctuate between self-pity and self-importance?  I believe these to be interesting questions.  If we can be truthful with ourselves we can get a glimpse of where we sabotage our dreams and take steps to rectify our thoughts and actions.  It is hard work but so worth it!

In Beauty

I imagine that Women and Men are equal...

What do you think are men and women equal? I believe we have come a long way but we are not equal.  If we were there would be no need for this question would there?  Something brought this thought to the forefront for me this week. I was working on-site in North Carolina having a friendly conversation about stress with the site project manager when he says "Women just are not suited for certain jobs, they just can't do it".  

I confess I was taken aback, so much so that I was rendered speechless for a minute or two. After all this is 2015, such sentiments should be long gone.  More frightening was the fact that this wasn’t some old codger hanging onto the power of his youth… no this was a young man, early forties for sure and here he was saying something so offensive.

“Do you mean heavy lifting?” I asked trying to ascertain if he was referring to brute strength because obviously women just by the structure of their bodies may not be best suited to that skill. “No, they just can’t cope with anything… stress, you name it.”

A slew of things ran through my mind to say, but I decided not to because it would have been a waste of breath.  Men like this can’t be reasoned or argued with, they need time to evolve. To make things worse this guy is a South African and I was immediately filled with a sense of shame. 

It was my first time working with this team and customer. During the week things fell into place.  I realized he was just a scared boy way out of his league unable to communicate clearly with the customer or the team. Treating women and less aggressive men as inferior made him feel powerful until he was faced with what he considered a superior male; then he could hardly string a sentence together. I found myself saving him on more than one occasion.  

Should I have?  Yes… as a compassionate person I believe it was my duty. Perhaps with my help he can begin to see that we are all equal….

Love & Light

Staying Connected...

I had a wonderful time in Hawaii.  As predicted I was feeling healed by the time I left.  When I reflect back on the experience I remember that the day I arrived I was talking fast and completely wrapped up in my story of work and all the balls I am juggling every day.  One of the Sisters looked at me and said “BREATHE”.  I heard her but I stopped only for a split second to take a breath and continue my story of how tough things have been.  It was as if words were tumbling from my mouth without any control and my mind was racing a mile a minute.

After the first night I was feeling a little better.  My energy settled down and I started to speak slower with more thought.  Slowly I started to unwind and let go of all those things that fill my mind with confusion and doubt.  As the week progressed things became clearer and I was able to feel what was actually going on in my life rather than my perception of it.  I learned that I still have an issue with attachment and justification, something that I am now actively addressing…daily.  Any of my clients reading this will have a small smile right now because they know how much effort it takes to be aware and take action every time you are triggered and not to act out in your pattern.  My healing like everyone else’s is a journey.  

I digress, but the end of the week I was calm, grounded, centered and feeling strong, standing in my power soaking up the sun and heat, eating well and sleeping even better.  Then the week was over and I was on my way home….

I was so determined to hang onto this wonderful feeling of being grounded and balanced that I promised myself that I would put forward a strong intent to hold it but life happens.  Our flight was delayed by two and a half hours, still I was good…” it is what it is” I said to myself and held my ground.  For a week and two days I held it, nothing shook my ability to stay centered not even the unrelenting cold that never seemed to lift.  Then real challenges were thrown at me and my center shifted.  Lucky for me I was able to bring it back, so all is not lost and I am speaking clearly with the people who are pushing my buttons. 

It did make me question the sense of sanctuary a spiritual retreat gives you.  It is easy to be one with yourself and others when you are secluded and not really engaged in the day to day realism of your life.  By definition isn't that exactly what retreat means, to withdraw or hideaway?  It takes a lot more will to stay engaged and balanced when you are dealing with everyday chaos and the people who drive you crazy.  I won't  give up, I'll keep at it!

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the opportunity to go on the retreat, without it I think I would be a bumbling idiot or a raging maniac by the time spring arrives.  The trick is going to be in staying in a state of grace….

Love & Light

Relationships... the eternal challenge!

People have problems every day; at work, home and even socially and when you peel away the layers it all boils down to relationships. Many people are unable to negotiate relationships. We would like to think that love is enough to make a relationship survive but it takes more than that for it to be healthy. When the heady feeling of love and lust has ended the hard work begins to keep the relationship strong. The first thing you should know is that all your relationships are about you. If the relationship doesn't feed you on every level there will always be a gap in your life. What are the biggest triggers for relationships you ask? Here are ten examples that I see on a regular basis in personal relationships:

1. The people in the relationship think as individuals.
If you are not dreaming a common future and do not have the same dreams and goals nothing will save the relationship as you want different things. Therefore if there are too many “I’s” and not enough “We’s” it is probably best to let it go.

2. Fear of asking for what you need.
Most people know in their gut that the relationship is not what it is supposed to be. Not only do they ignore all the signs they are too afraid to speak up and ask for what they need from the other person. This fear is often driven by a feeling that should they ask for what they need the relationship would most likely dissolve. The strange thing is that if they eventually gather up the courage and ask, the result if usually favourable.

3. Not asking the hard questions.
It is amazing how many of us figure out too late that the other person doesn't share our values i.e. want to get married, or have kids, or how they feel about looking after aging parents or even how to blend two families, raising children . When these issues arise, and they will, it can cause an eruption in the relationship. Granted, some relationships survive the bump in the road but depending on the importance of the matter some don’t.

4. Think they can change the other person.
The fact is people change all the time however we are not talking about those changes. We are talking about traits that you don’t like in your partner right from the beginning. Thinking that you can change the person into your vision of what and ideal partner should be is a recipe for disaster. Love is warts and all, if you can’t deal with the character trait… move on.

5. The relationship is out of balance.
The relationship is out of balance when one of the people in the relationship gives far too much and the other takes without giving much in return. Two things happen in this situation. Firstly the person giving starts to feel resentful and used. The other feels guilty for accepting and frequently manipulated and emotionally blackmailed.  

6. Lack of mutual respect.
This is where one partner feels spoken down to and the other is always in control. It is a slippery slope where eventually one of the partners feels like nothing they do is ever right. Sometimes this is a mirror for the other person to see that there are control issues at work but mostly it results in one person feeling minimized. If this lack of respect is left unchecked it can spiral down into mental abuse.

7. Interests in and outside the relationship.
It is important to have shared interests however it is equally important to have interests outside the relationship in order for each person to retain their own sense of identity.

8. Not being present.
When you are together you need to be present in the moment. When one partner is distracted and not engaged with the other or the relationship it will eventually end.

9. Neediness.
Although some people actively seek out people who are needy, I call it the “Knight in Shining Armour Syndrome,” the game quickly wears thin. In the end the Knight will tire of all the saving and when that happens, the other person will end up feeling abandoned. It seldom ends well.

10. Jealousy.
Jealousy is a death knell to most relationships. The jealous person is suffering from low self-esteem and has much work to do to heal while the other person is often victimized within the relationship, blamed for things he or she has not done and left feeling anxious and fearful. There is a good possibility that jealousy will spiral downward into physical abuse.

Don’t worry… normally we don’t have to deal with all of these in every relationship and some of them never present. The key to dealing with all of the above is communication! It is essential to face your fear and speak your truth from a neutral position and take responsibility for your part in the relationship.

Love & Light