A Decade of Lessons Learned.

Here we are standing on the threshold of a New Year and a new decade. Looking back over the last decade I came up with a list of things that I have learned.  Interesting that there are times when I still fall into the trap with one or two but in general I have been growing and learning all the time.  I think we overlook our growth daily and it is only with true reflection that we can see where we were ten years ago.  I can safely say that I am not even remotely the same person. With the help of the Medicine Wheel I have reviewed the core changes that have taken place over the last decade.  It is amazing to consider that I have only been on my healing path since 2009. 

EAST – Sun - Spirit:

The very first step of my healing journey is here.  In 2009 I first heard the knock of Spirit, my own and Great Spirit.  I was happy enough but something was missing.  There was a hole somewhere in my Soul that needed to be filled.  I did fight against it, which is my usual go to, but in the end I took the plunge.  What I know now: we need faith in something larger than ourselves and also in ourselves to have peace in the knowledge that everything is exactly as it should be.

WEST – Earth - Physical:

In this direction I was reckless and I feel I squandered much and didn’t take advantage of all the opportunities that presented themselves.  I made some fundamental mistakes.  I didn’t listen to my intuition and took risks I should not have.  What was the lesson?  There’s two:  You don’t need much material goods to be happy as long as you can meet the necessities, food, clothing, home and security. As a matter of fact not owning much gives you a sense of freedom.  The second lesson is: NEVER, EVER dismiss your intuition!  Always listen!

SOUTH – Water – Heart:

Ah, this direction was my greatest challenge.  Opening my heart was tough because you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and that is a feeling that makes me uncomfortable.  Looking at my stories and unraveling them so that I could forgive myself and others were rough.  I mean, who likes mushing around in the places where you are raw and hurting? It was so worth it though.  In this direction I learnt that: Forgiveness is essential, it removes anger and pain.  Always speak your truth because if you don’t you are robbed of your peace.  If speaking your truth makes people leave then so be it, that means they were never supposed to be in your space anyway as they have no clue who you really are.  Accept the consequences.

NORTH – Air – Mind:

Problem area number two!  It took a lot of work to shut my mind down, and frankly, this is still an area I struggle with.  My mind can play tricks on my like no-bodies business.  The projections that I can conjure up could make a script writer feel inadequate.  I have learned to practice being present in the moment. To not project into the future but to wait until something happens and then deal not before.  What I know is that what I dream up by over-thinking never happens so sleepless nights are not required.  If there are circumstances or people in your life that are causing you to project and over-think – LET THEM, OR IT GO! Don’t let situations carry on past its expiry date, take action and move on.

CENTER – Breath – Life Force:

Here the lessons have been simple and quite direct.  Always be authentically you.  Be careful who you share your energy with.  Some people are only in it for what they can get and they will leave you drained and confused (enter the mind).  Find people that match or exceed your vibration so that you can be inspired to do better.  Above all… BREATHE!

 Love & Light

Growing Bolder...

Recently a nine year old picture of me came up in my newsfeed.  I was drawn to my youthful look and I think I look stunning (if I say so myself). There is a sparkle in my eyes and a vibrancy that I have nurtured all my life.  This was a photo shoot I promised I would do the year I turned fifty.  This young woman could not be stopped. She went out and wrote two books that year and opened a practice the next , her energy was contagious, boundless and inspired.

Now of course the picture of “older me” is not professional.  It was just taken by someone with no filters or photo shop, it is simply me with all my flaws but somehow it speaks more to my essence than the other photo does.

The first photo was taken before my healing journey began.  I was still finding my way in this world and caught up with things which don’t mean much in the greater scheme of things.  I don’t judge who I was, I simply recognize that I was different.  I love that younger version because she is the one that found the courage to step onto the path of healing and stick to it with a determination and tenacity that only she could have mustered.  She is my HERO!

When I look at the second photo I see a softening and a compassion for myself and others that I know the younger version did not have, she was pretty black or white.  Though that same spark is still present there is a deeper knowing behind my eyes that is brought forth by looking into the depths of your own darkness and making that part of you your ally.  I no longer fear death or change I embrace the fact that nothing stays the same and that it shouldn’t.  If we want relationships or anything else in our lives to last, we have to work at allowing space for our own growth and that of our partners for they also have to evolve.

The older version of me realizes that life is grey and that nothing can be definitive.  She also knows that she knows nothing and that she is constantly learning things about herself and her world.  She is aware that her own darkness will change its shape to fool her into thinking that she’s got it when she really doesn’t and she has learnt to dance with it because there is true healing to be found there.  She has become more joyful and is filled with gratitude for everything she has and everything she has lost, for in that loss she found her strength.

The current version of me has found a way to love unconditionally.  I no longer need a “return” or proof of anyone’s love based on old belief systems that held me hostage.  It is enough that I give love in a way that nurtures and fortifies me and to have healthy boundaries.  I accept the fact that others are not always going to be able to meet my level of intimacy and that’s okay, they may not be ready. I no longer need others for validation of whom I am or who I am becoming.  I love myself deeply.

Believe me when I say this journey is not complete and I look forward to the future me, ten years from now, because I believe that she will change the world around her…

Love & Light

Silencing the Sacred Feminine

I have been debating writing this piece.  I feel as if I am dealing with such a touchy subject but I have somehow discovered the courage to write it.  I am of course referring to the Pro-Life / Pro-Choice debate.  When you look at it at face value in the world we live in today it seems perfectly normal that a woman should have the right to choose based on whatever criteria is important to her whether it be her own health, health of the fetus, economic circumstances, age or that she just doesn’t want to have or raise a child. 

I think my own view is probably more in alignment with Pro-Life but I will never judge the very difficult choice some women have to make, some alone and some with their partners to terminate a pregnancy. Advances in medicine have given us the tools to ensure that healthy humans are born and to me that is a gift that allows us to make better choices.  However I still imagine that even then there is a careful consideration of all the facts before abortion is decided upon.  I never imagine it to be a careless or reckless choice but one that is made with sobriety and care.

However this is not what I want to write about, what I want to address is the legislation that is being brought to remove a woman’s right to choose.  For me this is a dangerous and slippery slope we are standing on and frankly have nothing to do with fetuses but everything to do with ensuring the Sacred Feminine does not rise. 

We are all aware of the women’s movements that have sprouted up at grassroots level and have been building momentum over time.  Were we really that naïve to think that the Patriarchal system would not fight back with any and all means at their disposal?  These men still hold the power and they will wield it ruthlessly.  

One simply has to look at the wording of the Bill put forth in Alabama to realize that this actually has nothing to do with the unborn but rather with the subjugation of women.  Who in their right minds would conceive that having a woman carry a rapist’s child to full term was a good idea, or worse still one of incest?  The fact is that the Bill will most likely not come into effect in the near future but it doesn’t have to.  It is a ploy that we must not be deceived by.  They are making the Bill as incongruous as possible to get it in front of the Supreme Court which is heavily stacked in the favour of the Patriarchy. 

For the better part of eight hundred years the Patriarchy systematically stripped all women of their rights and burned those who would not go quietly at the stake.  Picture a time, not so long ago (1900’s) when as a woman you could not own property, had no right to vote and once married you were not even regarded as a person.  As a matter of fact you weren’t even able to gain salvation and a place in heaven. 

Can you imagine going to a bank to open an account and being refused as a married woman because you would need your husbands’ signature?  I don’t have to imagine, that has actually happened to me.  In many countries that is still a requirement and it is impossible for us to wrap our heads around.  I remember being angry and humiliated but I still had to get my husband to sign, there was no alternative.

It is going to get worse before it gets better.  We should ready ourselves for pushback on a grand scale because the only recourse the Patriarchy has in this day and age is legislation and as I said they are going to use it.  It also doesn’t help that women still don’t see themselves as equal to their male counterparts some even go as far as to repress  themselves.  I don’t know how many times I hear comments from women, usually older women, about the “Good Ole Days” and how much simpler life was.  Make no mistake those days sucked big time for women and was the heyday of the Patriarchy.  We were barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen catering to every whim of the Masculine and that was never the intention of any God.

What I do know is that the Patriarchal Masculine energy will no longer be tolerated in the Universe.  Earth is being pushed to make strides forward in raising its awareness and consciousness.  To do this we need to strike a balance between the Sacred Feminine and the Sacred Masculine, neither one should be subjugated. 

I know that the older generations laugh at the Millennials because they seem to be blurring the lines between the genders but that is exactly the energy needed to start propelling us into the new consciousness.  Yes to some of us it may look ridiculous but any change is considered such in the beginning.  Just think back to when women started to wear slacks, they were ridiculed but now everyone finds it quite normal, a simple example but one of great significance.

We also are seeing an increase in men that are taking up the daunting task of healing their emotional pain, not just stuffing it down to fester into anger or drinking it into oblivion.  In doing so they are healing their generational masculine lineage a task that is by no means easy or insignificant.  The women are doing the same, in greater numbers at this time, but my dream is that we will soon be one for one.  What I do know is that when a woman heals she gently guides her mate to his healing and once we have balanced our own relationships with our partners, sons and daughters we are healing seven generations forward and seven back.  Just consider the ripple effect that can have on the vibration of the Earth!

To all of us who are healing and doing whatever we can to raise our own vibrations I say “A’Ho Awanestika”!  You have been heard and your healing is the greatest gift you can give us…

Love & Light

Watch your language!

Lately I have been triggered continuously by things that other people say or do.  It has become a gooey, sticky mess and I have had many uncomfortable moments.  My once reasonably quiet mind has started to chatter and the itty bitty shitty committee has had much to say.  The chatter is projecting into the future and causing some anxiety. 

As I don’t like to live with anxiety or a busy mind I have been actively trying to determine why I have been responding in this manner.  It is easy to say, that person or situation, is a problem and place the blame elsewhere but we all know that is neither true and won’t solve a thing.  Today the truth finally hit me!

Words have meaning:

Words carry weight for me.  I see all words spoken as a means to set my intent.  Therefore when I say something I mean it and I see it as an agreement.  My word is my bond.  What I have noticed is that some people use words without any intent.  Words are just spoken flippantly as a matter of course with no agreement attached.  So my problem is – I see an agreement where there is none.  This is a tough one to swallow, because again I am assuming that everyone has my gravitas when it comes to words.  From now on I will ask for clarification and not simply make assumptions. 

In addition I have discovered that I have been drawing in a certain type of tyrant.  Tormentors – these are people whose own pain and anger is so deep that they make every attempt to reduce your joy and happiness.   They torment you with words and emotional abuse (which may turn to physical abuse) depending on their character.  In my case it is the emotional roller-coaster that is upsetting my equilibrium.  This lesson has huge significance for me because when I engage with anyone I create a connection.  I also realize that it is not about cutting ties but rather about becoming detached from the outcome.  I need to learn to care only for my energy and my words and leave other people’s actions and words outside my circle.

Now that I have some clarity about what is going on I realize I am creating drama in my life by not setting boundaries and speaking my truth.  Of course taking these actions with a tormentor will have consequences and I need to remain detached.  Intent and strength of will is required to work through and heal the trigger.  Once the trigger no longer has hold… it will be done.

So be it!

Love & Light

As Above... So Below...

Have you ever wondered why we use the words “As Above – So Below” as part of our Rituals?  I think many just say the words by rote without a deeper understanding of what it means.  Even in Shamanism we use a similar incantation; “We Marry the As Above with the So Below”.  Historically it comes from the Egyptian-Greek Emerald Tablet of the 2^nd and 3^rd centuries CE and it was embraced by European Hermetic occult practitioners and is still with us today. 

So theoretically we can say that it has been around since ancient times and therefore is encased in our collective ancestral knowledge.  I however think that when we look at what it really means and stop saying it by rote as a way to begin a ritual we could deepen our rituals and what we are attempting to manifest will become more focused.

How many times have I heard people speak to how difficult it is for them to manifest what they desire?  They say all the right incantations, work with the Gods and Goddesses and yet things are just not what they are seeking.  Interesting…  I have a theory.

First, let’s explore the As Above.  What is the As Above – it is the Dream Space.  This is where all our dreams, visions or the goals reside.  We all know that we have to have a clear picture of the Dream we want to manifest that is why we use vision boards and various other tools to strengthen that dream. The piece we miss… is our ability to overcome our own doubt. 

Doubt clouds our ability to manifest.  It makes us water down our dream and bring it more in line with what the Ego believes our abilities are.  Our Dreamer knows that we are infinite and that nothing is impossible.  What drives our Ego… Fear.  Fear of failure and sometimes even fear of success.

The So Below is this reality that we are in every day.  This is where the Ego lives and here it reigns supreme.  It will trick us into believing that we should not risk what we have.  There are times it will make you believe that you don’t deserve the dream you are manifesting.  Because of doubt the As Above is not reflected in the So Below and therefore can’t be made manifest.  That is why saying “As Above, So Below” as part of a ritual will not necessarily reap success – because we don’t believe it.

So, what can we do to overcome our Ego’s and get out of our own way?  We have to heal the Inner world so that we can calm the mind and start to see the Outer world for what is really is.  We need to stop projecting into the future and be in the now.  When we realize that what we do today is the foundation for tomorrow then we start to see the shift.  We need to stay the course and not let our Ego’s lead us astray. 

Love & Light

Ever feel you’re Just Not Good Enough?

I am currently studying addiction and how Shamanism can support Addicts to wellness.  During the course we re-visited a particular teaching that really touched me the first time I heard it when I started my Shamanic journey.  I would like to share these with you so that next time you feel unworthy you can recall the beliefs and perhaps change your perspective.

Firstly, it is important to recognize that we all feel unworthy at times.  This feeling stems mostly from our childhood when we experienced a loss of innocence.  Loss of innocence comes in many forms.   An example could be that you are the apple of your parent’s eye and you can do nothing wrong.  Then you start school and perhaps you don’t do very well and for the first time ever your parents show their displeasure.  That simple act of telling you that you didn’t meet their expectations could be the catalyst for some of these core beliefs.

I want to add that there is NO BLAME to be placed on loved ones.  This blog is not about awakening the story of how you were not supported or loved.  It is simply to identify where some of these feelings may stem from and your story begins.  Remember that your parents did the best they could with the tools available to them.   We may not be the ones who initiated the trauma but all our experiences are what we signed up for in the evolution of our Spirit and it is our responsibility to heal it.

Core Belief #1:  I am basically a bad and unworthy person:

Cast your mind back to the first time someone scolded you and told you “You are a bad child”.  Can you recall that feeling?  They may even have added “Go to your room” or “Get out of my sight”.  Many times from our perspective we were not necessarily being “bad” but rather learning and experimenting.  That was your first encounter with conditional love.  There is usually two reactions to this trauma, you act out and become “bad” or you do everything in your power to become worthy of the others love. 

Loss of innocence

Core Belief #2:  No-one would or could love me as I really am:

It becomes clear to us that we are bad and unworthy so we armour and start to wear masks in order to project what we want others to see.  We even have different masks for different people like a chameleon forever matching the colour of the person we are engaging with.  Depending on our personalities we might start telling stories to make ourselves important.   The other side of the coin is self-pity where our story becomes who we are and we tell it to all that will listen in order to feel acknowledged. 

Loss of authenticity

Core Belief #3:  My needs will never be met by others:

As we grow we start to realize that we can’t depend on anyone but ourselves.  We all have experiences where we trusted someone only to be disappointed.  The hurt that strikes the deepest are those around our romantic relationships.  We start to believe that people will always let us down or betray us.  Often we will isolate ourselves.  Sometimes we will create “tests” for people to see if they will abandon us if we push them hard enough, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.  It becomes a rinse and repeat cycle where our past continually influences our future.

Loss of trust

Core Belief #4: My Addiction is all I need:
Feeding your addiction becomes your most important need to be met.  This doesn't always mean  drugs.  It could even be things that would under normal circumstances be good for us i.e. exercise or food.  As the trigger hits so I need to feed myself with that which makes me feel better.  The stimulant removes the feeling of being worthless temporarily so I continue to return to it.
Loss of connection to Spirit

Core Belief #5:  Sex=Love=Pain

As a Human the greatest gift that we have to offer is Love.  Yet everything in our human experience feels as if that is the one thing we can’t find.  When all these beliefs come together we believe in our core that we are unlovable and worse still that we don’t deserve love.  When we fall in love something triggers the feeling that we will be punished for loving and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.   We hold back or shut down and do everything in our power to avoid feeling.  Better to feel numb or be callous than to be vulnerable.

Loss of Love

With Shamanism these core beliefs are dismantled and re-written.  You heal every trauma and story until you are finally able to find your way back to Self-Love.  Once you realize that your ability to love yourself heals all these core beliefs you can step back into innocence, authenticity, trust and LOVE... 

Love & Light

4 Truths about Healing no-one ever talks about…

Healing is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself however in the midst of the gift are a few hidden truths that you only start to discover once your path is set.

Not everyone cares:

We all feel that we should be supported by the people who love us as we start our journey towards healing.  The truth is though that most people who know you want you to stay the same.  Although hard to believe it is because they know your triggers and the patterns they run with you.  As you start to heal your past you change and that can be scary for some.  The usual patterns no longer apply and they will start to lose control over you.  Co-dependent relationships it will become harder to maintain and will become an issue for you and the other person.

You will lose friends:

Friends will starts to drift away as you change.  You will find more and more that you lose contact with old friends that don’t see the change in you as positive.  Additionally you will find that you don’t have the same things in common anymore.  As your vibration increases you will naturally let go of relationships that don’t serve you. There is a positive side here though, those who do support your change will stay and their vibrations will increase as well.

You will fail – many times:

There will be days where your one-point will shift, your emotions will rule as they did before and the “itty bitty shitty committee” in your mind will run wild.  However the good news here is that as you heal you will be able to return to a neutral state quicker.  Don’t get discouraged when you feel as if you are taking one step forward and two steps back, you are not truly, we continually come back to the things we thought we knew to gain a deeper understanding.  Also an unhealed pain or pattern will keep showing up in your life until it is healed.  The Universe gives us many opportunities to heal all the triggers and pain patterns we run in our lives.  Healing takes determination and strength of will.

Change is difficult:

Staying the same is so much easier than healing that it could be tempting to give up.  You already know everything about your life and changing takes you into the unknown.  The unknown is a place where nothing you do can be anticipated.  You don’t know how you will respond to anything and everyday will be a balancing act between the past, present and even the future as you start to speculate what the next test will be.  However we know that pain is a great motivator for moving forward as long as you move through the fear of what the unknown might look like.  The trick is to remain in the present and deal only with one thing at a time.  Baby steps…

Even though these truths seem challenging healing is still the best thing you can for yourself.  Imagine a life where you feel balanced and whole.  Imagine a life where remembering the past is painless and new challenges are dealt with courageously without causing blame or shame.   It is all worth it because in the end you get to SHINE….

Love & Light

The Spiral of Deeper Understanding...

It is interesting how you find answers to questions in the most unlikely places.  This past weekend I was a vendor at the Toronto Pagan Pride Day.  Many people visited my table and asked questions about Paganism and the workshops I offer.  Then someone asked me a very interesting question. “Why did you study Shamanism if you are a Pagan at heart?”  I paused for a minute, and then a reply just poured from my lips.  I studied Shamanism because I needed to heal. 

So, why did I need to heal?  As I spoke to this person I realized that I have always manifested successfully throughout my life.  Except what I manifested was not always for my greater good.  There were times when I got what I wanted and the victory felt hollow.  When this happened I would simply go on to the next thing and not really think about it, but something was missing.

When I started practicing Paganism I found that my manifesting got even stronger.  I would put in my intent and work at manifesting the dream.  However there were times that the quote; “be careful what you wish for” was apt.  Often I would be perplexed by what I received, it was what I intended but not exactly how I had envisioned it, I always felt a slight disappointment wanting more.

Then one night I had a prophetic dream and I was called to Shamanism.  At the time I didn’t give it a second thought just asked around and found a teacher.  That was it, I made the commitment to study and become a Shamanic Practitioner.  Still there was no correlation between Shamanism and Paganism. I never questioned why.

And then this person asked me why and it became crystal clear.  Healing helped me clean up my thoughts.  I realized that the reason I wasn’t clearly manifesting what I intended before was because my thoughts weren’t clear, and when your thoughts aren’t clear your intending certainly can’t be.

So there I was at a Pagan Pride Day and suddenly it all came together and made perfect sense.  The Goddess sent me to follow a healing path so that I could heal and change the way I thought, felt and saw the world.  She then called me back when I was ready.  Now the world is open to me, I have a better understanding of the unknown.  I have done ceremonies that have shifted my perception of who I am and how I move through this world.  Because my dreaming has strengthened my manifesting is more on point.  I am so grateful for all the Magic that moves through my life and through me and for all the healing.  I know the rest of my life is going to be the best of my life as I manifest all that resonates with my Path and my Soul.

It makes perfect sense to me to weave Paganism and Shamanism together in such a way that they support each other.  To teach Magic that supports the Souls Journey and Healing that supports clear thoughts, dreaming and strong intending.  Wow that is a potent path of Manifesting the life we deserve.

Life is a spiral not a straight line. We continually come back to the things we thought we understood so that we can get a deeper understanding…

In Beauty 

Beltane ~ Time for The Wild Masculine

I am fascinated by the concept of the Wild Masculine.  Now days we hear much about the Wild Feminine as women everywhere attempt to connect once again with their inert feminine nature.  I believe we are forgetting about a significant part of this renaissance; The Masculine.  I don’t imagine that the one can become whole without the other.  We can empower women, make them stronger and more self-sufficient but without enlightened men we are, in my opinion, fighting a losing battle.

In this time of the #metoo movement there are two significant things happening.  I see feminism taking a nasty turn and in that we are becoming as narrow minded as the men we are standing up against.  It fills me with sadness because I would have thought we knew better, but bitterness often makes you weak and vengeful.  Secondly some men scoff the movement as irrelevant and a “card to be pulled”.  I assure you it is neither.

It brings me back to the concept of the Wild Masculine.  I have read quite a bit about it however I feel I have just scratched the surface.  There is still much to learn, just as I continue to uncover more about the Wild Feminine.  I can share what I know so far about the Wild Masculine… but I am sure that someday I will have more to reveal.

The Wild Masculine is raw primordial power.  He is the incarnation of Freyr, Pan, Cernunnos and The Green Man.  It connects with the feminine without fear and with an open heart.  The masculinity that is mirrored to us today is but a hollow shell.  A world were the feminine has been oppressed doesn’t offer men the opportunity to be open, strong and playful, not with the feminine nor within their brotherhood. 

Many men have become attached to their ego’s not their hearts which has led to unhealthy competition.  I don’t believe that men want to be this way; I just think they have lost the knowledge of how to be true to themselves. This incarnation of the world certainly doesn’t nurture this type of masculinity.

When men meet on an equal footing among themselves they are the unstoppable warrior energy that can change the world.  They provide a place for women to work their magic of birthing and creation.  Without the seed there can be no creation and no birthing.

The Wild Masculine loves without boundary and will allow himself to be vulnerable.  His gift is to penetrate a woman to her deepest core unlocking pleasure and the true understanding of the Source and Love.  When men and woman connect in this way they are two parts of equal measure of the same breath that creates not only life but harmony.  He will not ever diminish the woman he has chosen but will choose to honour the feminine.  He relies on the wisdom of the feminine to see the mystical and the magic of existence and he knows that with and through her he can know Source. 

The Wild Masculine knows and understands that it his mission is to bring light into the darkness and force it back and while doing so he will not sacrifice his integrity, honour or beliefs.  He is always in alignment with what is right and for the greater good of humanity.  He is Love made into Action…

Love & Light

I am Heathen… and this is why.

People often ask me why I am Heathen.  For some time I wasn’t able to give them and answer that made sense, it was as if I couldn’t quite put it into words.  So, I spent some time thinking about it why I am a Pagan so that next time I was asked I could answer the question clearly without hesitation.

I have always believed in something greater than myself, the Church however left me cold.  I felt that the Patriarchy of Christianity didn’t feed me.  I could not reconcile a God of love with one who spoke of an eternal punishment if you did not follow the rules.  Then Jesus died and for our sins and was resurrected.  That took a lot of responsibility off our shoulders; we could ask for forgiveness and be saved but there was still there was something missing.  

Here are my reasons for choosing to be a Pagan:

Re-incarnation:

I was very young when I started to believe in re-incarnation.  I could never wrap my head around how one would get only one chance to live a good life and not make any mistakes.  In my everyday life I was granted chance after chance by my earthly Father why would a heavenly Father not be more compassionate if he were a God of love.  I feel certain that I will keep coming back until I am enlightened and I am absolutely convinced that I have lived many lives both of power and darkness.

Goddess Worship:

Somewhere deep inside my subconscious I knew that there were Goddesses that had been stripped of their power and were waiting to be worshipped once again.  I could feel the rise of the feminine and I wanted to be part of that movement.  However I never become only a Goddess worshipper I believe in balance where both the masculine and the feminine are revered. 

Karma:

I believe in the law of Karma and free will; what you sow so shall you reap.  To me this means that if I do my best to be a good person that is what will be returned to me.  If I do harm intentionally it will have a karmic repercussion.  Every experience in my life is a consequence of a decision I made. 

Free Will:

I have free will and I therefore have the freedom of choice and there is always a choice.  With choice comes great responsibility.  I attract everything good and bad with my intention and the choices I make.  Choice is freedom!!

Responsibility:

Even though there is something comforting about Jesus taking away our sins I prefer to take responsibility for my own life and deeds.  I feel that only through learning, healing and striving to be a better person can I become a part of Source. 

This is why I am Heathen and proud of it.  I feel in control of my life but in the knowledge that there is a reason for everything and nothing is coincidence.  There is a synchronicity to my life that allows it to flow, move and be vibrant.  There is a Great Mystery at work and I am part of it...

Love & Light

3 Things to stop doing in 2018

At the beginning of this New Year I want to attempt to get us all to look at things from a different perspective.  I find that we are all very hard on ourselves.  We will often give others a break for failing or making a mistake but we won’t forgive ourselves for the same thing.  This year I want us to all practice self-compassion and change our perceptions.

One of the most used self-criticisms I hear is “I should know… do…change…” etc.  It is that word “Should” that causes many problems in our lives because we beat ourselves with it.  I have a question… why should we know or do anything?  Would we not do it if the time is right and if we really knew?  It always makes me think about a Buddha quote I love.

To know but not to do is not yet to know ~ Buddha

First thing to go = Should, replace with “I want to.”

Making mistakes is another area where people beat themselves up.  Making mistakes is a natural way of learning.  Get to the stage where you feel comfortable making mistakes and learning new things and explore the outer edges, as that is where we grow.

Second thing to go = Fear of making mistakes.  Replace with “I want to learn.”

Fear of walking the edge.  We often say no to things that would stretch us and help us grow.  We do this out of fear of the unknown and the result is we keep our world and experiences small.

Third thing to go = Saying No.  Replace with YES!

Finally I want to remind everyone that we are all doing the best we can.  We make our decisions based on what we know and it is only once we have acted on the decision that we can see if it was good or not.  Hindsight as they say is 20/20. 

So cut yourself some slack.  Relax take a deep breath… after all, you’re only human…

Love & Light

4 Characteristics that show you are a catalyst for others.

Have you found that people who are right in the midst of a personal struggle will gravitate to you and that your energy seems to guide them through their crisis?  Well that may mean that you are a catalyst of other people’s healing.

I am not referring to the daily healing work I do as a practitioner. No, I am talking about a much deeper personal and emotional healing done in a one-to-one relationship.  

I am looking at why I get drawn into these situations.   With my own experiences I have found that the following traits and behaviors attract the people who are in need of a catalyst to make life changing decisions:

Authenticity

After years of working on myself I have come to a place in my life where I feel truly authentic.   I don’t feel judged by anyone because I don’t care what others think and I don’t judge others.  The saying “What other people think of you is none of your business” resonates with me at a conscious and unconscious level.  This authenticity leads to ease in my dealings with others and makes them feel comfortable to share their secrets.

Intensity

I live my life with an intensity that is seldom matched in people around me.  Other people who resonate the same become close friends and in these cases there is no energy loss on either side.  The ones who don’t vibrate at the same rate find my intensity and energy acts like a catalyst for them.  They draw from this and use it to spark change in their own lives.  In most cases this is not a problem because I have learnt how to protect myself from energy vampires.

Heart Connection

My heart is open to my community, my friends and my family.  My heart is generally open in this way.  I do however keep my heart hidden in a relationship until something happens that triggers a happy memory and allows me to open it.  Once that happens I am 100% present and engaged.   I don’t play games well, so I avoid them.  I am either in or out there is no in between.  This trait often makes the other person feel safe and then they start to engage at a deeper level.  There are times they run because they are just not ready.  When they run I struggle to just let it be at first but I soon see the wisdom

Enthusiasm

I am nothing if not enthusiastic.  I have a passion for life and I don’t play small.  I have lived most of my life taking risks and laughing at most of the consequences.  My motto, if you don’t laugh you’ll cry and that won’t solve anything.  So I choose to laugh.  If doesn’t hurt less but it is more bearable and affords me the grace to hold my head up and laugh with others at my crazy life.  People who need to feel protected when taking a risk notice this.  They draw energy from me to step into the unknown.

Do you have the same traits?  For me it isn’t always easy… sometimes I invest and find that I am left asking what went wrong.  Does this happen to you?  Have you been left wondering how come you have been squeezed dry? 

Here is what I know; you have far more reserves than you think.  You will always return stronger than before.  You will recover quickly as long as you are never a victim.  Perhaps it is yours to do but remember you always have a choice.

I realize quickly that I choose my path and that there is power in every choice I make.  Life is glorious and we should all live it to the fullest, even if it means taking risks and laughing in the face of despair.

Choose wisely…

Love & Light

Mistakes…. Four things they taught me.

I have enjoyed mine so much I think I will go make a few more!  As part of the healing process I have been scratching around in the events that I considered to be the muck of my life’s journey.  What I discovered is that these moments are the actual true moments of power.  They taught me valuable life lessons.

1. We don’t always get what we want.

We all dream our dreams and make our plans but in the end we receive what is most in alignment with our Souls journey.  Interestingly enough when you look back you will notice that what you did receive was actually spot on!  It often allows for future growth and new ideas.  If I had got what I wanted ten years ago I wouldn’t even be here or in this stage of my development.  It may have been possible but this journey has proved to be exactly what my Soul needed.  I had to break quite a few things to get here though…

2.  Ushers in a new understanding.

To my point of breaking things, the only way I have found that you can bring in a new understanding is by breaking the old way.  Mistakes force you to see where the crack is and allows for a paradigm shift.   Without the events that I consider to be my mistakes I would not have made that connection.  They served a vital role in uncovering my bullshit!

3.  Don’t hang onto them.

Whatever you do don’t hang onto your so-called mistakes.  Everything has a reason, nothing is random and we are all connected.  We are just acting on what we know at the time, and sometimes that just isn’t enough information but we don’t know what we don’t know.  Sometimes we take action based on a projection of what we want our lives to be, not what really is. 

4.  What is.

Mistakes push us to see life as it really is, all of the beauty and the warts.  Once we master the willingness to stop hiding behind our masks, our projections and our fears a new world unfolds and we can finally see the path of our journey. 

Once again this past weekend I witnessed the letting go by courageous people, each in their own space doing their work.  I tip my hat to all of us who won’t give up; we who plug away at our individual darkness in order to heal the human consciousness of our time and herald in the 5^th World.  HAIL!

Love & Light

Are the happiest people really those who do for others?

For me this a very interesting idea and for the most part I believe it is true… for the most part.  When we are doing for others we feel connected and that makes us feel good about ourselves.  I am all for that but I think there are circumstances where it could become a burden.

I have personally struggled with the concept of being of service.  I have spent many hours being of service to my Shamanic community.  The concept is that when you are of service that give-away will be returned to you three fold.  Well I don’t always feel that way when I am standing outside in minus 10 Celsius mid-winter and everything I touch is frozen. However I know that it is worth it because I also feel connected to that community and I know that I am an integral part of it.  The same goes for when I stand with the Salvation Army Kettle in December offering my time to help raise funds to support those less fortunate than myself.

I feel that this type of altruism truly makes you feel happy, connected and allow you to feel deep gratitude.  Volunteering for the greater good of your community makes you smile. However I believe there can be a dark side to giving.  There is a different expectation when you are supporting people you don’t know and it can be quite different when you are doing for people you do know.

So many people have spoken to me about being depleted by doing for others.  They have given their all only to be left feeling used and taken advantage of.  At times the consequences can be quite devastating.  So why is it not the same? 

I think that there are a couple of reasons it isn’t the same when you are doing for people you know:

Expectations:

Often our personal relationships are complicated and we could be acting out of guilt or an attempt to manipulate.  We also want to feel as if we are getting something in return and that the other person appreciates all we do for them.  When we are always giving without receiving something in return there is a good chance that we will end up feeling resentful and that doesn’t make you feel happy.

Boundaries:

With the people we love we often don’t have healthy boundaries and we don’t always know how to create them.  It is usual for us to do things for these people and when we either can’t or no longer want to we don’t know how to draw the lines so that we can support ourselves and not end up feeling depleted.  Saying “NO” to the people we love is difficult for many.  Feeling depleted in any way, whether it is energetically or financially is so bad for us that the consequences can have a negative impact on our health.  When we realize this and start to build healthy boundaries there is always push-back form the people who were benefiting from our generousness and we end up feeling disappointed and miserable.  

So, how are we able to give to those we love and still feel happy and not like a martyr? In my opinion it can be done in the following ways:

• Create healthy boundaries so that you are not depleting yourself.  Decide what you will and will not do.  Communicate these boundaries clearly and from a place of neutrality and then stand your ground!  No good setting boundaries and then not honouring them.  Mixed signals are the worst especially if you had to battle to set those boundaries.
• Care for yourself and your health.  It should be obvious but it is not.  You can only help people when you are healthy and strong.   Remember when you travel they always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others – think about it.
• If you have expectations that have to be met by the other person – then don’t do it!  This is especially true if these are “unknown” expectations.  If you have not voiced what you need in return and want the other person to “magically” know – stop and look at your own motives.  Perhaps they are not as clear as you believe them to be.
• If you believe that the person you are doing something for will “owe” you something in return you should once again check you motives.  Are you trying to be manipulative?

The idea is not to discontinue giving but to do so with healthy boundaries and with known expectations so that everyone in the equation gets what they need, the feeling of being supported, appreciated and loved…

Love & Light!

Karma... Is it a Bitch?

Many of us, if not all, come into this life with Karma and we have one job to do and that is to heal that Karma so that we can Love unconditionally. 

I find it quite fascinating that people think that Karma is somehow going to do their dirty work for them. It grates on me when I see posts or hear people say “Karma is going to get so and so.”  It is a fact that there is a Law of Return in the Universe.  Even in the Bible we have “You reap what you sow” but Karma is not our personal judge and jury.

So why do we feel compelled to speak of Karma in this way?  I believe it is because of our own self-importance.  We are placing all the blame on the other rather than looking at our role in the situation.  Should we look into ourselves first we may discover that we allowed the perceived wrong to happen.  Does that make us partly to blame, absolutely and therefore it is important for us to take responsibility for our part. 

Karma is our teacher.  One could argue that wishing ill on a person that has done you wrong in some way is in effect doing intentional harm and therefore will incur your own Karma.  Would it not be better to understand how we allowed it to happen and then carry that lesson forward in order to not make the same mistake twice?

Every action has a reaction.  We can have good Karma as well when we act selflessly.  Paying it forward will solicit a positive return, it is the Law of the Universe – that is why the greatest rule I endeavour to live by is: “First Do No Harm”

Is Integrity Subjective?

For a couple of years I have been working with integrity and what it means to me.  I think for me it is being a person of your word.  Believing in something and then having the strength to stand up for that belief is integrity.  For many people integrity is the same as morality but I don’t feel it is.  You can have the morals of a pirate but still have integrity.  Where else would the saying “Honour among thieves” come from?

Perhaps another word for integrity is honour.  I feel that is the closest synonym as it speaks to the righteousness of a person.  What I do know for certain if that integrity means something different for everyone.  That is why we are often so disappointed in other people’s actions because we measure them against our own standards.

An example in my life is the time I lent money to a very old and good friend of mine.  He was having health issues and needed help.  When he asked he told me that he would pay me back in six weeks as soon as his commission was paid out.   Ignoring my intuition as well as my Mom’s words, “Never a borrower or a lender be” I went against my instincts and lent him the money.  I felt certain that I knew him well enough and that he would never let me down.  The main point that led me to going ahead was that I believed he had integrity.  I believed him to be a man of his word. 

I know that he sees himself as a man of staunch integrity.  So that leaves me to believe that his standard of integrity is different from mine.  That he obviously holds himself to a different code.  I was also working from my own understanding of integrity.  There have been times in my life when I have had to ask for help and I have always met my commitment within the time frame I said I would, so I expected him to do the same as he gave me his word.  My word is my integrity… his is not.

To add insult to injury, when after two or three years of waiting for the money to be paid back I started asking, he blocked and unfriended me.  I know I will probably never see that money and I have reconciled myself with that but I did learn a valuable lesson, not to trust that other people live their lives to the same code I do.

I don’t hold any grudges.  Life is too short for that but I have definitely changed the way I measure people.  So I ask the question… do you think integrity is subjective?

Love & Light

So... Why Are You Not Happy?

You got it all and yet... So many people I meet are not happy with their lives even after they have everything they have ever wanted.  They have the house, the car, the bank account and the toys yet their lives feel empty.

I often hear celebrities talk about this phenomenon Lady Gaga, Josh Radnor, Russel Brand, Eric Clapton and Cameron Dias to name but a few.  They give speeches to full auditoriums about how fame and fortune never made them feel whole, appreciated or fulfilled.  The cynic in me immediately thinks “Yeah it is easy to say when you have a full bank account, but quite another if you are living paycheck to paycheck.” I also don’t want to go to the stereotype of half-naked little children dancing in the street to show us that having nothing makes you happy – it doesn’t, hunger isn’t funny and doesn’t make anyone happy.  Then I step back, because I know better. 

At this very moment of my life I own less than I have since my childhood.  I worked hard and remained focused on my goals all my life to get to the top of my game.  Then how am I here?  I felt that some things had no meaning and then I took some risks which didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped but I am through it and out the other side. And guess what? I am happy. Every day even the ones that are not so great I am still fundamentally happy. 

Saying that you are not happy once you have all the material things you wanted does not immediately make it true that you should live like a pauper and not have material wealth at all that’s nonsense. You have to have a stable Tonal (reality).  Your basic needs have to be met food, shelter, clothing and safety. However after that there comes a breaking point where the next new toy, better car, TV’s, phones, spending for spending sake, to get the latest and the greatest doesn’t improve your life but can actually disconnect you from yourself and others.

Society also pits us against each other way past healthy competition. We can hear this in the choice of our words to describe our environments be it at work or play. 

·        The gloves are off!

·         Let the games begin.

·         The Battleground.

·         The War Room… (Really?? It is a project people get your priorities straight.)

·         He who dies with the most toys wins!

·         Dog eat dog.

·         Survival of the fittest.

There are a number of reasons we believe that happiness is always something we have to search for. It is because we have started to believe what this consumerist world has told us since we were little sitting in front of the TV being actively marketed to.  That you need to have stuff to be happy!  What a load of crap!

What do we really need?  From my own experience we need (in no particular order):

·         Integrity and self-authority.

·         Courage to stand for what you believe in.

·         To accept reality, no projections or perceptions.

·         Being proud of who you are and your lineage.

·         Be in the present.  Have no attachment to the past or the future.

·         Be present in your life and engage. Doesn’t matter if it is “good or bad”.

·         Don’t worry.

·         Give up control.

·         To be in service of others, to give of ourselves and our time.

·         No self-pity or self-importance.

·         Gratitude.

·         To dream.

·         Strive to do well and better our lives.

·         Realizing we are all connected and related.

·         Caring for the earth and going into nature to fortify the soul.

·         Not needing someone else’s approval.

·         Taking responsibility for your life and your choices.

·         To take risks that make us feel alive.

·         Self-care and self-acceptance.

·         Learning something new.

·         Expanding your life force.

·         No judgment of yourselves and others.

·         Compassion even for those who we believe has harmed us.

·         Forgiveness for ourselves and others.

WOW! That is some list you might be thinking and you are right, it is but at the heart of everything on this list there is:

·         LOVE

The most important love is the one we have for ourselves.  We need to believe that we deserve to have happiness.  If you can go to sleep at night (even if it is alone) with gratitude and a clear conscious, no worries and a deep love and acceptance of yourself… then you can be truly happy.

Love & Light.