Silencing the Sacred Feminine

I have been debating writing this piece.  I feel as if I am dealing with such a touchy subject but I have somehow discovered the courage to write it.  I am of course referring to the Pro-Life / Pro-Choice debate.  When you look at it at face value in the world we live in today it seems perfectly normal that a woman should have the right to choose based on whatever criteria is important to her whether it be her own health, health of the fetus, economic circumstances, age or that she just doesn’t want to have or raise a child. 

I think my own view is probably more in alignment with Pro-Life but I will never judge the very difficult choice some women have to make, some alone and some with their partners to terminate a pregnancy. Advances in medicine have given us the tools to ensure that healthy humans are born and to me that is a gift that allows us to make better choices.  However I still imagine that even then there is a careful consideration of all the facts before abortion is decided upon.  I never imagine it to be a careless or reckless choice but one that is made with sobriety and care.

However this is not what I want to write about, what I want to address is the legislation that is being brought to remove a woman’s right to choose.  For me this is a dangerous and slippery slope we are standing on and frankly have nothing to do with fetuses but everything to do with ensuring the Sacred Feminine does not rise. 

We are all aware of the women’s movements that have sprouted up at grassroots level and have been building momentum over time.  Were we really that naïve to think that the Patriarchal system would not fight back with any and all means at their disposal?  These men still hold the power and they will wield it ruthlessly.  

One simply has to look at the wording of the Bill put forth in Alabama to realize that this actually has nothing to do with the unborn but rather with the subjugation of women.  Who in their right minds would conceive that having a woman carry a rapist’s child to full term was a good idea, or worse still one of incest?  The fact is that the Bill will most likely not come into effect in the near future but it doesn’t have to.  It is a ploy that we must not be deceived by.  They are making the Bill as incongruous as possible to get it in front of the Supreme Court which is heavily stacked in the favour of the Patriarchy. 

For the better part of eight hundred years the Patriarchy systematically stripped all women of their rights and burned those who would not go quietly at the stake.  Picture a time, not so long ago (1900’s) when as a woman you could not own property, had no right to vote and once married you were not even regarded as a person.  As a matter of fact you weren’t even able to gain salvation and a place in heaven. 

Can you imagine going to a bank to open an account and being refused as a married woman because you would need your husbands’ signature?  I don’t have to imagine, that has actually happened to me.  In many countries that is still a requirement and it is impossible for us to wrap our heads around.  I remember being angry and humiliated but I still had to get my husband to sign, there was no alternative.

It is going to get worse before it gets better.  We should ready ourselves for pushback on a grand scale because the only recourse the Patriarchy has in this day and age is legislation and as I said they are going to use it.  It also doesn’t help that women still don’t see themselves as equal to their male counterparts some even go as far as to repress  themselves.  I don’t know how many times I hear comments from women, usually older women, about the “Good Ole Days” and how much simpler life was.  Make no mistake those days sucked big time for women and was the heyday of the Patriarchy.  We were barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen catering to every whim of the Masculine and that was never the intention of any God.

What I do know is that the Patriarchal Masculine energy will no longer be tolerated in the Universe.  Earth is being pushed to make strides forward in raising its awareness and consciousness.  To do this we need to strike a balance between the Sacred Feminine and the Sacred Masculine, neither one should be subjugated. 

I know that the older generations laugh at the Millennials because they seem to be blurring the lines between the genders but that is exactly the energy needed to start propelling us into the new consciousness.  Yes to some of us it may look ridiculous but any change is considered such in the beginning.  Just think back to when women started to wear slacks, they were ridiculed but now everyone finds it quite normal, a simple example but one of great significance.

We also are seeing an increase in men that are taking up the daunting task of healing their emotional pain, not just stuffing it down to fester into anger or drinking it into oblivion.  In doing so they are healing their generational masculine lineage a task that is by no means easy or insignificant.  The women are doing the same, in greater numbers at this time, but my dream is that we will soon be one for one.  What I do know is that when a woman heals she gently guides her mate to his healing and once we have balanced our own relationships with our partners, sons and daughters we are healing seven generations forward and seven back.  Just consider the ripple effect that can have on the vibration of the Earth!

To all of us who are healing and doing whatever we can to raise our own vibrations I say “A’Ho Awanestika”!  You have been heard and your healing is the greatest gift you can give us…

Love & Light

Watch your language!

Lately I have been triggered continuously by things that other people say or do.  It has become a gooey, sticky mess and I have had many uncomfortable moments.  My once reasonably quiet mind has started to chatter and the itty bitty shitty committee has had much to say.  The chatter is projecting into the future and causing some anxiety. 

As I don’t like to live with anxiety or a busy mind I have been actively trying to determine why I have been responding in this manner.  It is easy to say, that person or situation, is a problem and place the blame elsewhere but we all know that is neither true and won’t solve a thing.  Today the truth finally hit me!

Words have meaning:

Words carry weight for me.  I see all words spoken as a means to set my intent.  Therefore when I say something I mean it and I see it as an agreement.  My word is my bond.  What I have noticed is that some people use words without any intent.  Words are just spoken flippantly as a matter of course with no agreement attached.  So my problem is – I see an agreement where there is none.  This is a tough one to swallow, because again I am assuming that everyone has my gravitas when it comes to words.  From now on I will ask for clarification and not simply make assumptions. 

In addition I have discovered that I have been drawing in a certain type of tyrant.  Tormentors – these are people whose own pain and anger is so deep that they make every attempt to reduce your joy and happiness.   They torment you with words and emotional abuse (which may turn to physical abuse) depending on their character.  In my case it is the emotional roller-coaster that is upsetting my equilibrium.  This lesson has huge significance for me because when I engage with anyone I create a connection.  I also realize that it is not about cutting ties but rather about becoming detached from the outcome.  I need to learn to care only for my energy and my words and leave other people’s actions and words outside my circle.

Now that I have some clarity about what is going on I realize I am creating drama in my life by not setting boundaries and speaking my truth.  Of course taking these actions with a tormentor will have consequences and I need to remain detached.  Intent and strength of will is required to work through and heal the trigger.  Once the trigger no longer has hold… it will be done.

So be it!

Love & Light

4 Truths about Healing no-one ever talks about…

Healing is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself however in the midst of the gift are a few hidden truths that you only start to discover once your path is set.

Not everyone cares:

We all feel that we should be supported by the people who love us as we start our journey towards healing.  The truth is though that most people who know you want you to stay the same.  Although hard to believe it is because they know your triggers and the patterns they run with you.  As you start to heal your past you change and that can be scary for some.  The usual patterns no longer apply and they will start to lose control over you.  Co-dependent relationships it will become harder to maintain and will become an issue for you and the other person.

You will lose friends:

Friends will starts to drift away as you change.  You will find more and more that you lose contact with old friends that don’t see the change in you as positive.  Additionally you will find that you don’t have the same things in common anymore.  As your vibration increases you will naturally let go of relationships that don’t serve you. There is a positive side here though, those who do support your change will stay and their vibrations will increase as well.

You will fail – many times:

There will be days where your one-point will shift, your emotions will rule as they did before and the “itty bitty shitty committee” in your mind will run wild.  However the good news here is that as you heal you will be able to return to a neutral state quicker.  Don’t get discouraged when you feel as if you are taking one step forward and two steps back, you are not truly, we continually come back to the things we thought we knew to gain a deeper understanding.  Also an unhealed pain or pattern will keep showing up in your life until it is healed.  The Universe gives us many opportunities to heal all the triggers and pain patterns we run in our lives.  Healing takes determination and strength of will.

Change is difficult:

Staying the same is so much easier than healing that it could be tempting to give up.  You already know everything about your life and changing takes you into the unknown.  The unknown is a place where nothing you do can be anticipated.  You don’t know how you will respond to anything and everyday will be a balancing act between the past, present and even the future as you start to speculate what the next test will be.  However we know that pain is a great motivator for moving forward as long as you move through the fear of what the unknown might look like.  The trick is to remain in the present and deal only with one thing at a time.  Baby steps…

Even though these truths seem challenging healing is still the best thing you can for yourself.  Imagine a life where you feel balanced and whole.  Imagine a life where remembering the past is painless and new challenges are dealt with courageously without causing blame or shame.   It is all worth it because in the end you get to SHINE….

Love & Light

Beltane ~ Time for The Wild Masculine

I am fascinated by the concept of the Wild Masculine.  Now days we hear much about the Wild Feminine as women everywhere attempt to connect once again with their inert feminine nature.  I believe we are forgetting about a significant part of this renaissance; The Masculine.  I don’t imagine that the one can become whole without the other.  We can empower women, make them stronger and more self-sufficient but without enlightened men we are, in my opinion, fighting a losing battle.

In this time of the #metoo movement there are two significant things happening.  I see feminism taking a nasty turn and in that we are becoming as narrow minded as the men we are standing up against.  It fills me with sadness because I would have thought we knew better, but bitterness often makes you weak and vengeful.  Secondly some men scoff the movement as irrelevant and a “card to be pulled”.  I assure you it is neither.

It brings me back to the concept of the Wild Masculine.  I have read quite a bit about it however I feel I have just scratched the surface.  There is still much to learn, just as I continue to uncover more about the Wild Feminine.  I can share what I know so far about the Wild Masculine… but I am sure that someday I will have more to reveal.

The Wild Masculine is raw primordial power.  He is the incarnation of Freyr, Pan, Cernunnos and The Green Man.  It connects with the feminine without fear and with an open heart.  The masculinity that is mirrored to us today is but a hollow shell.  A world were the feminine has been oppressed doesn’t offer men the opportunity to be open, strong and playful, not with the feminine nor within their brotherhood. 

Many men have become attached to their ego’s not their hearts which has led to unhealthy competition.  I don’t believe that men want to be this way; I just think they have lost the knowledge of how to be true to themselves. This incarnation of the world certainly doesn’t nurture this type of masculinity.

When men meet on an equal footing among themselves they are the unstoppable warrior energy that can change the world.  They provide a place for women to work their magic of birthing and creation.  Without the seed there can be no creation and no birthing.

The Wild Masculine loves without boundary and will allow himself to be vulnerable.  His gift is to penetrate a woman to her deepest core unlocking pleasure and the true understanding of the Source and Love.  When men and woman connect in this way they are two parts of equal measure of the same breath that creates not only life but harmony.  He will not ever diminish the woman he has chosen but will choose to honour the feminine.  He relies on the wisdom of the feminine to see the mystical and the magic of existence and he knows that with and through her he can know Source. 

The Wild Masculine knows and understands that it his mission is to bring light into the darkness and force it back and while doing so he will not sacrifice his integrity, honour or beliefs.  He is always in alignment with what is right and for the greater good of humanity.  He is Love made into Action…

Love & Light

I am Heathen… and this is why.

People often ask me why I am Heathen.  For some time I wasn’t able to give them and answer that made sense, it was as if I couldn’t quite put it into words.  So, I spent some time thinking about it why I am a Pagan so that next time I was asked I could answer the question clearly without hesitation.

I have always believed in something greater than myself, the Church however left me cold.  I felt that the Patriarchy of Christianity didn’t feed me.  I could not reconcile a God of love with one who spoke of an eternal punishment if you did not follow the rules.  Then Jesus died and for our sins and was resurrected.  That took a lot of responsibility off our shoulders; we could ask for forgiveness and be saved but there was still there was something missing.  

Here are my reasons for choosing to be a Pagan:

Re-incarnation:

I was very young when I started to believe in re-incarnation.  I could never wrap my head around how one would get only one chance to live a good life and not make any mistakes.  In my everyday life I was granted chance after chance by my earthly Father why would a heavenly Father not be more compassionate if he were a God of love.  I feel certain that I will keep coming back until I am enlightened and I am absolutely convinced that I have lived many lives both of power and darkness.

Goddess Worship:

Somewhere deep inside my subconscious I knew that there were Goddesses that had been stripped of their power and were waiting to be worshipped once again.  I could feel the rise of the feminine and I wanted to be part of that movement.  However I never become only a Goddess worshipper I believe in balance where both the masculine and the feminine are revered. 

Karma:

I believe in the law of Karma and free will; what you sow so shall you reap.  To me this means that if I do my best to be a good person that is what will be returned to me.  If I do harm intentionally it will have a karmic repercussion.  Every experience in my life is a consequence of a decision I made. 

Free Will:

I have free will and I therefore have the freedom of choice and there is always a choice.  With choice comes great responsibility.  I attract everything good and bad with my intention and the choices I make.  Choice is freedom!!

Responsibility:

Even though there is something comforting about Jesus taking away our sins I prefer to take responsibility for my own life and deeds.  I feel that only through learning, healing and striving to be a better person can I become a part of Source. 

This is why I am Heathen and proud of it.  I feel in control of my life but in the knowledge that there is a reason for everything and nothing is coincidence.  There is a synchronicity to my life that allows it to flow, move and be vibrant.  There is a Great Mystery at work and I am part of it...

Love & Light

4 Characteristics that show you are a catalyst for others.

Have you found that people who are right in the midst of a personal struggle will gravitate to you and that your energy seems to guide them through their crisis?  Well that may mean that you are a catalyst of other people’s healing.

I am not referring to the daily healing work I do as a practitioner. No, I am talking about a much deeper personal and emotional healing done in a one-to-one relationship.  

I am looking at why I get drawn into these situations.   With my own experiences I have found that the following traits and behaviors attract the people who are in need of a catalyst to make life changing decisions:

Authenticity

After years of working on myself I have come to a place in my life where I feel truly authentic.   I don’t feel judged by anyone because I don’t care what others think and I don’t judge others.  The saying “What other people think of you is none of your business” resonates with me at a conscious and unconscious level.  This authenticity leads to ease in my dealings with others and makes them feel comfortable to share their secrets.

Intensity

I live my life with an intensity that is seldom matched in people around me.  Other people who resonate the same become close friends and in these cases there is no energy loss on either side.  The ones who don’t vibrate at the same rate find my intensity and energy acts like a catalyst for them.  They draw from this and use it to spark change in their own lives.  In most cases this is not a problem because I have learnt how to protect myself from energy vampires.

Heart Connection

My heart is open to my community, my friends and my family.  My heart is generally open in this way.  I do however keep my heart hidden in a relationship until something happens that triggers a happy memory and allows me to open it.  Once that happens I am 100% present and engaged.   I don’t play games well, so I avoid them.  I am either in or out there is no in between.  This trait often makes the other person feel safe and then they start to engage at a deeper level.  There are times they run because they are just not ready.  When they run I struggle to just let it be at first but I soon see the wisdom

Enthusiasm

I am nothing if not enthusiastic.  I have a passion for life and I don’t play small.  I have lived most of my life taking risks and laughing at most of the consequences.  My motto, if you don’t laugh you’ll cry and that won’t solve anything.  So I choose to laugh.  If doesn’t hurt less but it is more bearable and affords me the grace to hold my head up and laugh with others at my crazy life.  People who need to feel protected when taking a risk notice this.  They draw energy from me to step into the unknown.

Do you have the same traits?  For me it isn’t always easy… sometimes I invest and find that I am left asking what went wrong.  Does this happen to you?  Have you been left wondering how come you have been squeezed dry? 

Here is what I know; you have far more reserves than you think.  You will always return stronger than before.  You will recover quickly as long as you are never a victim.  Perhaps it is yours to do but remember you always have a choice.

I realize quickly that I choose my path and that there is power in every choice I make.  Life is glorious and we should all live it to the fullest, even if it means taking risks and laughing in the face of despair.

Choose wisely…

Love & Light

Are the happiest people really those who do for others?

For me this a very interesting idea and for the most part I believe it is true… for the most part.  When we are doing for others we feel connected and that makes us feel good about ourselves.  I am all for that but I think there are circumstances where it could become a burden.

I have personally struggled with the concept of being of service.  I have spent many hours being of service to my Shamanic community.  The concept is that when you are of service that give-away will be returned to you three fold.  Well I don’t always feel that way when I am standing outside in minus 10 Celsius mid-winter and everything I touch is frozen. However I know that it is worth it because I also feel connected to that community and I know that I am an integral part of it.  The same goes for when I stand with the Salvation Army Kettle in December offering my time to help raise funds to support those less fortunate than myself.

I feel that this type of altruism truly makes you feel happy, connected and allow you to feel deep gratitude.  Volunteering for the greater good of your community makes you smile. However I believe there can be a dark side to giving.  There is a different expectation when you are supporting people you don’t know and it can be quite different when you are doing for people you do know.

So many people have spoken to me about being depleted by doing for others.  They have given their all only to be left feeling used and taken advantage of.  At times the consequences can be quite devastating.  So why is it not the same? 

I think that there are a couple of reasons it isn’t the same when you are doing for people you know:

Expectations:

Often our personal relationships are complicated and we could be acting out of guilt or an attempt to manipulate.  We also want to feel as if we are getting something in return and that the other person appreciates all we do for them.  When we are always giving without receiving something in return there is a good chance that we will end up feeling resentful and that doesn’t make you feel happy.

Boundaries:

With the people we love we often don’t have healthy boundaries and we don’t always know how to create them.  It is usual for us to do things for these people and when we either can’t or no longer want to we don’t know how to draw the lines so that we can support ourselves and not end up feeling depleted.  Saying “NO” to the people we love is difficult for many.  Feeling depleted in any way, whether it is energetically or financially is so bad for us that the consequences can have a negative impact on our health.  When we realize this and start to build healthy boundaries there is always push-back form the people who were benefiting from our generousness and we end up feeling disappointed and miserable.  

So, how are we able to give to those we love and still feel happy and not like a martyr? In my opinion it can be done in the following ways:

• Create healthy boundaries so that you are not depleting yourself.  Decide what you will and will not do.  Communicate these boundaries clearly and from a place of neutrality and then stand your ground!  No good setting boundaries and then not honouring them.  Mixed signals are the worst especially if you had to battle to set those boundaries.
• Care for yourself and your health.  It should be obvious but it is not.  You can only help people when you are healthy and strong.   Remember when you travel they always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others – think about it.
• If you have expectations that have to be met by the other person – then don’t do it!  This is especially true if these are “unknown” expectations.  If you have not voiced what you need in return and want the other person to “magically” know – stop and look at your own motives.  Perhaps they are not as clear as you believe them to be.
• If you believe that the person you are doing something for will “owe” you something in return you should once again check you motives.  Are you trying to be manipulative?

The idea is not to discontinue giving but to do so with healthy boundaries and with known expectations so that everyone in the equation gets what they need, the feeling of being supported, appreciated and loved…

Love & Light!

And I'm Feeling Good...

Finally all the little deaths I have had the last few years are starting to make sense.  Many of you have heard me talk about a twenty seven year cycle and how we move through it.  Within that cycle I also see another six/seven year cycle for me.  There is always a significant change in my life on that six/seven year cycle.  This last shift that has coincided with my twenty seven year cycle has been life altering… again.

These moments are often marked by a loss.  It may be a lost love or a financial loss, death or perhaps a loss of joy but there is always a loss.  What I have learnt about loss is you need to allow yourself to feel it.  I have found so many people who don’t want to face their pain; they believe that all negativity should be shunned like a leper.  What they are missing out on is learning the full lesson of the series of events and integrating those lessons.

Now that doesn’t mean that you indulge in self-pity and wallow in the loss.  It means that you allow yourself to feel it.  Then you work with the loss to understand the lesson.  You keep working with it and you keep delving deeper and deeper until the full meaning is revealed.  You do this with optimism, sobriety, humour and determination.  If you don’t you could be on a slippery slope to depression and illness and that doesn’t serve you.

My second twenty seven year cycle ended with loss.  For the last three years I have been working it and I also finally made a few vital changes that have allowed me to fully move on.  I feel like a butterfly that is no longer in a glass jar.  Funny thing is, my circumstances have not changed.  I have worked through all the death and change since I stepped into my third, twenty seven year cycle and now I am ready to seek new adventure and find a new edge. 

It started with the simple act of self-care.  This included cleaning up my eating habits and getting back to gym.  My energy levels are up and I am feeling an increase in my life force, sexual energy which has been totally out of whack since menopause (another loss that needed to be understood).   As we know when sexual energy improves so does your ability to manifest and I can feel it awaken after years of sluggishness.

Now I stand at the edge of my Crone years with all the wisdom I have gathered.  I have a new understanding of life and what is important.  I am filled with gratitude.  Sometimes I am even able to hold onto that joy in the midst of the trivial irritants that happen daily and sometimes I grind my teeth and swear, but it’s all good because...

I’m feeling good….

Love & Light

Karma... Is it a Bitch?

Many of us, if not all, come into this life with Karma and we have one job to do and that is to heal that Karma so that we can Love unconditionally. 

I find it quite fascinating that people think that Karma is somehow going to do their dirty work for them. It grates on me when I see posts or hear people say “Karma is going to get so and so.”  It is a fact that there is a Law of Return in the Universe.  Even in the Bible we have “You reap what you sow” but Karma is not our personal judge and jury.

So why do we feel compelled to speak of Karma in this way?  I believe it is because of our own self-importance.  We are placing all the blame on the other rather than looking at our role in the situation.  Should we look into ourselves first we may discover that we allowed the perceived wrong to happen.  Does that make us partly to blame, absolutely and therefore it is important for us to take responsibility for our part. 

Karma is our teacher.  One could argue that wishing ill on a person that has done you wrong in some way is in effect doing intentional harm and therefore will incur your own Karma.  Would it not be better to understand how we allowed it to happen and then carry that lesson forward in order to not make the same mistake twice?

Every action has a reaction.  We can have good Karma as well when we act selflessly.  Paying it forward will solicit a positive return, it is the Law of the Universe – that is why the greatest rule I endeavour to live by is: “First Do No Harm”

Let Go...

I think we have spoken about this before but I have learnt more about it. As I watch the leaves turn and fall from the trees I am reminded that letting go of dead things can be beautiful and painless.  This year has been particularly beautiful. I notice people stopping at the side of the road to take pictures trying to capture the beauty.  I also know that it is impossible to capture the intense colours and that it is something that you have to commit to memory.

But let’s get back to letting go.  We all believe that letting go means that we are letting go of the past. Those past hurts and pain that we need to work with so that these things will no longer trigger us in negative ways in our here and now.  Yes this is true, but to do that we have to heal and that is a journey of self-discovery and forgiveness; forgiveness of oneself and others.

I would like to talk about letting go of something more present though.  The daily fear that our little ego’s dream up for us, the reason that our ideas are stillborn because we are too fearful of taking a leap of faith. These are not always huge things it could be as simple as self-care.  Many people put themselves last on the list and inevitably we find when we look into why, that it is because somewhere in their psyche they believe that they don’t deserve better. These negative thought are the serial killers of our happiness.  Those are what we need to let go of. 

We also know that stopping negative thoughts is one of the most difficult things to do, so I can hear you say “HOW?”  It is a process but here is how:

The Triple A approach:

·         Awareness

Once you become aware of the negative thoughts you can do something about it. So the first step is to listen. Listen to your thoughts with a second attention. Are you constantly berating yourself? Are you telling yourself you can’t possibly do something for various reasons? Are you always justifying and trying to explain yourself to yourself and others? If you are this is a cause for anxiety and stress which in some cases can become extreme and debilitating.

·         Assessment

So now that you are hearing the thoughts you must assess them. Take the little ego out of the equation and look at them neutrally.  Is the thought true? For instance “Is it real?” Do you really have to take on another person’s problems?  Are you choosing to make life difficult because that will keep the status quo and you won’t have to take a risk or step into the unknown? Are you not speaking your truth or are you denying yourself happiness because it is easier? Assess the true situation, stop lying to yourself… you deserve more.

·         Action

Now take action. Take a deep breath and change the thought.  “Yes I can, I have the skillset to… make the speech; change the dynamic of a relationship; take a stand and whatever else comes I can deal with the consequences.   

It is understood in Shamanic circles that a single thought lasts for seventy years… yes that is not a typo, seventy years. Think about that for a minute… what are you sowing?

Love & Light

6 Essentials for Healing

In the course of the last five years I have been working with many people working on self-improvement, healing and growth.  The question that I am asked most when they start their journey is what will it look like.  I always have to respond that I don’t know; it looks different for everyone.  I do know that I can’t do anything for the person other than guide.  

I personally can’t heal another for two reasons:

•    I won’t step into someone’s else’s circle and tell them what to do
•    I won’t take responsibility for another’s healing I can only guide

My job is to hold space for the person so that they can have a safe container to do their work and to offer a different perspective if they have become stuck.  The other thing I do know is that if the following is not present the healing can be superficial.

Awakening – There has to be an awakening that shows you that you can no longer keep doing what you are doing.  Everything falls apart and for some it becomes and internal struggle that leads them to self-medicate while for others it becomes and external push against everything around them.  Few people take action before the crisis, most wait until the wheels have literally fallen off.  However it doesn’t matter how you come to the realization, through choice or force, there is an awakening that makes you search for a new way of being.

Determination – Although it doesn’t have to be difficult, changing well ingrained patterns and triggers is never easy.  It takes determination to continue because often it is two steps forward and one step back.  All I can say is learn to Cha-cha.  Every time you slip into your dark, have awareness, forgive yourself and do better next time.  Soon the steps back will become less and less and you will start to move forward swiftly.

Patience – It is essential to have patience.  As you saw above there will be many opportunities to feel like you are failing.  Healing quickly isn’t impossible but it is not the norm.  Shamanism is a quicker healing methodology because the story is unimportant, unlike western methods where you need to tell the story until it doesn’t trigger you anymore, but it still requires you to be gentle and patient with yourself.  Remember the two steps forward, one back?

Ruthless Compassion – Cut through the lies of your ego!  There is no greater liar than the little ego, the one that feeds on fear and is triggered by past experiences.  Silencing the mind is arguably the most important part of the journey.  There is only one way to do that, ruthless compassion.  You can’t allow yourself to fall into self-pity or self-importance.  Self-pity will allow you to indulge your story and self-importance will make you believe that you are fine (everyone else if the problem) and that there is no need for you to fix anything because you are so special.  Have compassion for yourself but don’t fall for all the reasons you can’t, shouldn’t change your life and re-assemble your reality.  You can be your worst enemy or you can have compassion and love yourself on your journey to self-discovery.

Acceptance – Stop being a pessimist or for that matter a rose-coloured glasses person.  Start seeing things for what they really are.  Often what we don’t want to hear or believe is that we created our reality. We dreamed it in – ALL of it – the good the bad and the ugly!  That is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes.  The longer you hold onto the façade you created the longer it will take to heal.  Accept what is and disassemble the perception of your reality.  Once it is dismantled you can start assembling it again with more wisdom.

Fearless – You have to be absolutely fearless.  Healing means that you need to go place’s you have never gone before.  You will have to face your dark and see it for what it is.  Remember ruthless compassion though, always be gentle.  That darkness helped you survive some tough times in your life.  Healing also means that you will need to do things you have never done before, so you will fearlessly have to step into the unknown. 

Believe me I know it sounds a lot easier than it is.  I personally have done all of these steps on my path and still do so I know it is do-able.  Being human means that we win one day and not the next but if you are really committed to a better way of living and finding joy again then buckle down it will be well worth the effort.

Love & Light

Are you ready for Love?

When I first came up with this topic I started to sing Bad Company “Ready for love” then came “Crazy little thing called love” Queen then “Thing called love” Bonnie Raitt and on and on. I don’t think there is a topic in the universe that has been written or sung about more. Then why is it that it eludes so many?

We are obsessed with love as a species. Everything we do is in some way connected to finding that one person in the world that will love us unconditionally. We scour the earth for him or her thinking that somehow we will find true happiness. But many won’t and don’t… why?

Because love is not something that you can find, love is inside you. Happiness is not something that someone else can give you, no matter how much they love you. Happiness comes from within and is locked up in “LOVE OF SELF”!

If you are unable to love and accept yourself you will be unable to love and accept anyone else. And how do you get to that place of self-acceptance? There is only one way – and that is to heal all past hurt.

Unhealed all you will do is be triggered by the past and it will dictate how you react and respond to all the people around you. The past will always give you exactly what you don’t want; if you were abandoned you might be needy and this makes the person you are in a relationship with run in most cases. Even if he or she stays you could end up in a co-dependent relationship perhaps the other person has a need to control and bam the relationship is out of balance or even toxic.

If your trust has been shattered will you be able to truly open your heart and allow someone else to see into you? That is what intimacy means, “in-to-me-see”.  Or will you always hold a little back, just in case, to protect yourself?

So I ask again, are you ready for love? Have you healed the dark recesses of your mind? Have you let go of the pain of past hurt? Take a minute and ask not just your brain but your soul if you are.

Until you have done your own self-discovery and found out who you are at the deepest level and learned to love yourself you are only starching the surface of finding love. If you can’t love yourself unconditionally how can someone else? That doesn’t mean that you won’t from time to time slip into old patterns and act out in fear, but you will catch it before it is too late and be able to hold on to the best relationship in your life, the one with yourself… then all others will follow.

But all is not lost!  Occasionally we are lucky and we find that one person who is happy to help us unpack our baggage and burn the shit we don't need.  So keep your head up your eyes open, do your work and never let go of hope...

Love & Light

How Do Your Expectations Limit You?

Expectations can make you feel so amazing and excited for the future but it can also leave you feeling let down and disappointed.  Has that ever happened to you?

One of the things about expectations is that we get hooked on the idea, the bigger our imagination, the bigger the expectation.  People who dream really vividly and in full colour often set unrealistic expectations.  They are crushed when it doesn’t look like they expected. 

I remember this being something that I struggled with when I was younger.  As I grew older I realized that it is not always possible for everything to turn out the way you see it in your mind.  Be sure that I am not talking about visualizing a better future.  All I am referring to is the times we blow it out of proportion in our minds that reality can never match the expectation. 

The scary consequence is that we then decide not to take risks.  We don’t try anything new because we believe that it can never look as good as we see it in our minds eye.  Time and time again I have spoken to people who just stop trying because they have been disappointed to many times.  Their dreams are so full of colour that everything pales by comparison.  And therein rests the shame.

So how do we stop it?  How do we make sure that our expectations don’t leave us disappointed or that we stop chasing our dreams?  We measure our expectations against reality.  

Let’s take a simple example:

It is a special occasion, your partner’s birthday.  You have dinner plans or you are cooking your partners’ favourite meal.  To make it extra special you set the table, buy good wine and in your mind you are preparing for the perfect romantic evening.  You dress up, wear your best perfume.  Your partner arrives but he is agitated.  His day at work wasn’t anything like what he had hoped it would be.  Suddenly your beautiful planned evening starts slipping away.  This is not how you envisioned the evening playing out and you don’t know how to shift it back.  You get angry, anxious or pull away because everything is spoiled!  He / she spoiled it all!! Does that sound familiar?

The real truth is; YOU spoiled it.  You spoiled the evening by not being able to adjust your vision from dream to reality and what was happening in the space.  Imagine that you shifted your energy, opened that bottle of wine and listened to your partner allowing for him/her to unwind, or even go and have a shower or bath (and what about joining your partner in the bath)?  What if you had gone with the flow?  What if you had allowed for organic movement in the plans instead of trying to control every aspect of it?

Does it mean you lower your expectations?   On the contrary, keep your expectation high but be flexible, dance on your feet.  Go with the flow and enjoy the experience.  Don’t try to control everything including how your partner should react and be.  Plan for the best outcome but most of all – let go of your expectations.  Expectations limit you, put you in a box and make you believe that things can only look a certain way – and that my friend’s is simply not true!

Love & Light

What Are You Thinking?

Today I am speaking to you about something you already know. However knowing and practicing is two different things.

Your Thoughts Are Your Most Powerful Tool!

We all know that we need to watch out thoughts for they become our reality but many of us have problems with keeping our focus. With awareness I have found that I hear my thoughts clearly now, and sometimes they are still disturbing.  

Have you ever done something seemingly and innocently silly, like go to the bank when you know it is probably going to be busy, say a Friday afternoon at four o'clock?  Of course you have.  I did that just the other day. I became aware that I was berating myself in my mind for being stupid for going to the bank at that time.  I was literally lashing out at myself.   Whoa... what was that about?

In my case it goes back to that feeling that I am constantly under pressure to get things done fast and efficiently.  What a load of BS!  At some stage I even convinced myself that taking lunch was a waste of time and you can imagine what that has done to my self-care over the years. Even though I am so aware of the problem I still struggle daily with this pressure that I put on myself.  Yes - there is the crux of the matter, what I do to myself! 

Here are a few tips that I use to keep working at it:

Second Attention:  I am always aware of my thoughts by placing my second attention on them.

Listening to my body: I stop what I am doing as soon as I feel tension in my body because it means that I am starting to put pressure on myself.

Gentleness: I treat myself gently and remind myself all day that I just need to be present. There is no rush.

Patience: I must have patience. I built this backbreaking thought pattern and habit over many years and it can't be broken in one day.  

Compassion: I must have compassion for me when I don't get it right.  Healing is a process.

So, this year I will continue to break down and through this thought barrier.  I do everything with second attention on my thoughts.  I remind myself over and over in a day that what I am currently doing is important and that I have all the time in the world to complete it. 

The ultimate goal you ask?  To walk in beauty with neutrality, strength and an open heart...

Love & Light

Resolution Revolution!

Many of us sit down at the beginning of the year and draw up a list of New Year's Resolutions.  These are personal resolutions and more often than not we fail at keeping them.  Interestingly enough the most common excuse for our new year's resolutions failing is that we didn't have the time.  We were too busy with work and responsibilities.  Let's face it we spend most of our waking hours at work so it is no wonder that it seems to get in the way of us being successful at our personal resolutions. 

What if we changed the way we look at our resolutions and found ways to incorporate these into our work day?  Imagine that you are no longer trying to find time but that the time you are engaged in work activities is actually supporting your resolutions.  Here are some of the most popular resolutions and a few innovative ways to keep them.

Reduce Stress:  One of the major causes for stress in the workplace are the relationships we have with management and our colleagues.  Be willing to listen to another point of view and actively engage in communication, don't just listen to reply.  If you are unfortunate and you work for a company that has poor management and you are unclear of what is expected from you, call a meeting with HR or with the appropriate person within your company and get it resolved.  Nothing creates more stress than continuously feeling like you don't know what you are doing or supposed to be doing.  Being open to new ideas and change reduces stress. Be Teachable! Don't take things personally check your ego at the door.

Time Management:  Why do we fail at time management?  Because everything we know about it is geared towards managing "clock time" and what we should really be managing is "real time".  Real time happens in our heads we create it and anything we create can be managed.  The first thing we have to know is how effective are we at using our time.  Jot down every thought, conversation, task or action you take for one week.  At the end of that week look for the places where you are wasting time on unproductive things that don't produce results .  Now you have the information to Organize, Prioritize and Schedule.  Make sure that 50% of your scheduled time is spent on activities that generate results and schedule time for interruptions.  Block out distractions, not every e-mail needs to be responded to immediately.  Remember that it is impossible to get everything done in a day and be okay with that, tomorrow is another day and that is why you are prioritizing.  The good news is that 20% of your actions will generate 80% of your results so if you are concentrating on the things that matter, you are way ahead of the game!

Pay Off Debt: In today's economy more people are trying to reduce their debt load as there seems to be uncertainty everywhere.  Improving your position at work could lead to an increase or a promotion which in turn can help with getting rid of your debt sooner.  How do you improve your position?  Engage actively in meetings and show your enthusiasm for your work.  Make sure you know what the company goals are and work towards those.  Avoid negative individuals and be open to new ideas and change.  Better still bring your own ideas to the table.  Make yourself indispensable.  Most of all enjoy what you are doing, it shows in your efforts and rubs off on others.

Learn something new: This could tie in nicely with the point above.  If you are thinking of learning a new language, how about learning a language that can help you in the business world.  Chinese is a good option but if your company has a German or Japanese holding company consider that language.  Perhaps one day when there are visiting officers from head office you can be an interpreter.  Take a course that can improve your skill set or join an association that supports your career.  Don't want to do anything work related, that's okay too.  Any personal development will allow you to bring a new perspective to the workplace.

Balance Home And Work: With more of us working from home we often don't know where to draw the line.  The biggest problem of our time is the Glorification of Busy!  Somewhere along the line we have become convinced that if we can't say "Oh I am sooo busy!" we are not pulling our weight and we give the impression that we are not committed to our jobs.  Turn that around, work smarter not harder.  Don't over-commit learn to say No!  Turn off the computer, get plenty of rest and play with your children, spend time with your spouse.  Do something that makes you happy.   Meditate, do cross-word puzzles or quietly sit in thought for a some time every day.  It is proven that time spent in silence strengthens your ability to problem solve.  Once you let go of the idea that busy is better and allow yourself to be present in the moment, whether at work or home, balance will find you!

Good luck with your resolutions and remember to be present... stop worrying or projecting - things hardly ever look they way you expect them to.  Plan and take action!

Love & Light

I am here...

As some of you might know I mangled my big toe about six weeks ago.  I opened a door right over it so badly that it required eight stitches.  I won’t share the actual event… too gruesome but I do want to share what I learnt from it.  It is completely healed now although it looks funny.

After the first week of dealing with the pain and general discomfort I sat down and asked myself how and why it happened.   How was I responsible for this accident?  I was astounded by what I found.

The first thing that came to mind is that I move at break neck speed!  On that day speed was completely unnecessary.  I had just had a wonderful lunch with my girlfriend there was no need to rush, after all I was only going home so why did I rip the door open with such force? 

Lesson 1:  Slow down!  I am not on fire!

The second thing I learnt was that I am not present.  I am always thinking of the next thing, task that needs to be done. I move from one thing to the next to get things done in the least possible time.  By not being present I miss much of the journey.

Lesson 2:  Be present!  I don’t have to be finished with a task before I have even started.  I need to enjoy the journey.

Self-care takes time is the third thing I learnt.  It can’t be hurried.  Every day I had to clean, wrap and care for my toe.  It required patience and I knew that it would take weeks for it to heal and I wanted to ensure that it healed with absolutely no complications. I was very aware of the risk of infection so I made my own saline solution and cared for it with great tenderness.

Lesson 3:  Be gentle!  Berating myself would not serve my healing process, I had to be gentle with myself giving my body all the time it needed to heal.

The fourth understanding was that I do everything with a sense of urgency as if my life depended on it.  My shoulders are tense; I hold my breath and my energy doesn't flow.  I waste a lot of energy.

Lesson 4: Relax!  Go with the flow and focus my energy in such a way that none of it is wasted.

Finally I learnt that to have true self-care you have to listen to your body.  I know we all say it but do we really?  I know I didn't.  I am very aware of every thought now.  I listen intently and I am starting to distinguish between the messages.  Am I hungry, thirsty, tired, in pain or stressed?

Lesson 5: Listen!  In order to have self-care you have to listen to your body.

And the bonus – I am a WORKAHOLIC!  As I cared for my toe and started to listen to my body I started to hear the nonsense my brain spews out.  I now notice how when I want to care for myself my brain tells me it is a waste of time. 

Making myself something to eat will take me away from my work and is therefore a waste time, is but one of the lies I tell myself.  It is clear that I don’t value my health if making myself something to eat is such a low priority.  I am making a concerted effort to change this thought process.  Awareness is half the battle, so now when I hear it I question my motives.  Is it really a waste of time? The answer always is; “NO IT ISN'T!”  

I am working with the root cause of this ridiculous idea.  I believe it comes from my years as a consultant where I preferred to work through lunch because I wanted to get done, get as many hours as possible and go home.  I remember getting upset with people when they wanted to take lunch – they were wasting my time… Can you believe it?  I never said anything to them though, I just felt frustrated.  Often I would not eat the whole day until I got home basically living on one cup of tea. 

Lesson 6:  Dream!  It is not all about getting things done.  Take time to eat healthy and well.  Get enough sleep.  

This is a work in progress… some days I win and some battles I lose but I am using all the tools in my kit to shift this and I will not give up!

In Beauty,

I imagine that Women and Men are equal...

What do you think are men and women equal? I believe we have come a long way but we are not equal.  If we were there would be no need for this question would there?  Something brought this thought to the forefront for me this week. I was working on-site in North Carolina having a friendly conversation about stress with the site project manager when he says "Women just are not suited for certain jobs, they just can't do it".  

I confess I was taken aback, so much so that I was rendered speechless for a minute or two. After all this is 2015, such sentiments should be long gone.  More frightening was the fact that this wasn’t some old codger hanging onto the power of his youth… no this was a young man, early forties for sure and here he was saying something so offensive.

“Do you mean heavy lifting?” I asked trying to ascertain if he was referring to brute strength because obviously women just by the structure of their bodies may not be best suited to that skill. “No, they just can’t cope with anything… stress, you name it.”

A slew of things ran through my mind to say, but I decided not to because it would have been a waste of breath.  Men like this can’t be reasoned or argued with, they need time to evolve. To make things worse this guy is a South African and I was immediately filled with a sense of shame. 

It was my first time working with this team and customer. During the week things fell into place.  I realized he was just a scared boy way out of his league unable to communicate clearly with the customer or the team. Treating women and less aggressive men as inferior made him feel powerful until he was faced with what he considered a superior male; then he could hardly string a sentence together. I found myself saving him on more than one occasion.  

Should I have?  Yes… as a compassionate person I believe it was my duty. Perhaps with my help he can begin to see that we are all equal….

Love & Light

Staying Connected...

I had a wonderful time in Hawaii.  As predicted I was feeling healed by the time I left.  When I reflect back on the experience I remember that the day I arrived I was talking fast and completely wrapped up in my story of work and all the balls I am juggling every day.  One of the Sisters looked at me and said “BREATHE”.  I heard her but I stopped only for a split second to take a breath and continue my story of how tough things have been.  It was as if words were tumbling from my mouth without any control and my mind was racing a mile a minute.

After the first night I was feeling a little better.  My energy settled down and I started to speak slower with more thought.  Slowly I started to unwind and let go of all those things that fill my mind with confusion and doubt.  As the week progressed things became clearer and I was able to feel what was actually going on in my life rather than my perception of it.  I learned that I still have an issue with attachment and justification, something that I am now actively addressing…daily.  Any of my clients reading this will have a small smile right now because they know how much effort it takes to be aware and take action every time you are triggered and not to act out in your pattern.  My healing like everyone else’s is a journey.  

I digress, but the end of the week I was calm, grounded, centered and feeling strong, standing in my power soaking up the sun and heat, eating well and sleeping even better.  Then the week was over and I was on my way home….

I was so determined to hang onto this wonderful feeling of being grounded and balanced that I promised myself that I would put forward a strong intent to hold it but life happens.  Our flight was delayed by two and a half hours, still I was good…” it is what it is” I said to myself and held my ground.  For a week and two days I held it, nothing shook my ability to stay centered not even the unrelenting cold that never seemed to lift.  Then real challenges were thrown at me and my center shifted.  Lucky for me I was able to bring it back, so all is not lost and I am speaking clearly with the people who are pushing my buttons. 

It did make me question the sense of sanctuary a spiritual retreat gives you.  It is easy to be one with yourself and others when you are secluded and not really engaged in the day to day realism of your life.  By definition isn't that exactly what retreat means, to withdraw or hideaway?  It takes a lot more will to stay engaged and balanced when you are dealing with everyday chaos and the people who drive you crazy.  I won't  give up, I'll keep at it!

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the opportunity to go on the retreat, without it I think I would be a bumbling idiot or a raging maniac by the time spring arrives.  The trick is going to be in staying in a state of grace….

Love & Light

Do you know your darkness?

I will ask again..."Do you know your Darkness?"  Have you made friends with it, healed it or do you at least understand it?  

So many of us only want to see the "good" in life.  We want life to be like the fairy-tales we were told when we were little.  The men are all hero's and the women are saved from a terrible life by a handsome prince charging in.  Picket fences and all that.

Then we get to the age where something changes.  It happens to all of us sooner or later. Somewhere between the ages of six and nine everything we believed in is broken and we are left to pick up the pieces and try to make sense of it all.  The first seed of doubt, pain and fear is planted and then we feed it, allowing it to grow.  

Innocence is lost.  It could be as small as disappointment in your parents voice or as big as abuse it is all the same for the one suffering the pain and humiliation.  Some become vindictive, lying and causing hurt for others while others fold in upon themselves like origami burying the shame deep within the folds.

Now as the Darkness of November approaches, it is time to pull the hurt, shame and loss out.  Examine it carefully and drag it into the light.  Heal the self and above all forgive the self.  Real forgiveness for yourself and others will allow the hurt to shift and be transformed.  The darkness will always remain but if you know where it is and how it was created you can work with it and use it to become whole and balanced.  Light and dark equal and partners in the path ahead.

You have a choice!  You can choose to let go of the past and live in balance truly knowing who you are....

Love and Light!