Growing Bolder...

Recently a nine year old picture of me came up in my newsfeed.  I was drawn to my youthful look and I think I look stunning (if I say so myself). There is a sparkle in my eyes and a vibrancy that I have nurtured all my life.  This was a photo shoot I promised I would do the year I turned fifty.  This young woman could not be stopped. She went out and wrote two books that year and opened a practice the next , her energy was contagious, boundless and inspired.

Now of course the picture of “older me” is not professional.  It was just taken by someone with no filters or photo shop, it is simply me with all my flaws but somehow it speaks more to my essence than the other photo does.

The first photo was taken before my healing journey began.  I was still finding my way in this world and caught up with things which don’t mean much in the greater scheme of things.  I don’t judge who I was, I simply recognize that I was different.  I love that younger version because she is the one that found the courage to step onto the path of healing and stick to it with a determination and tenacity that only she could have mustered.  She is my HERO!

When I look at the second photo I see a softening and a compassion for myself and others that I know the younger version did not have, she was pretty black or white.  Though that same spark is still present there is a deeper knowing behind my eyes that is brought forth by looking into the depths of your own darkness and making that part of you your ally.  I no longer fear death or change I embrace the fact that nothing stays the same and that it shouldn’t.  If we want relationships or anything else in our lives to last, we have to work at allowing space for our own growth and that of our partners for they also have to evolve.

The older version of me realizes that life is grey and that nothing can be definitive.  She also knows that she knows nothing and that she is constantly learning things about herself and her world.  She is aware that her own darkness will change its shape to fool her into thinking that she’s got it when she really doesn’t and she has learnt to dance with it because there is true healing to be found there.  She has become more joyful and is filled with gratitude for everything she has and everything she has lost, for in that loss she found her strength.

The current version of me has found a way to love unconditionally.  I no longer need a “return” or proof of anyone’s love based on old belief systems that held me hostage.  It is enough that I give love in a way that nurtures and fortifies me and to have healthy boundaries.  I accept the fact that others are not always going to be able to meet my level of intimacy and that’s okay, they may not be ready. I no longer need others for validation of whom I am or who I am becoming.  I love myself deeply.

Believe me when I say this journey is not complete and I look forward to the future me, ten years from now, because I believe that she will change the world around her…

Love & Light

As Above... So Below...

Have you ever wondered why we use the words “As Above – So Below” as part of our Rituals?  I think many just say the words by rote without a deeper understanding of what it means.  Even in Shamanism we use a similar incantation; “We Marry the As Above with the So Below”.  Historically it comes from the Egyptian-Greek Emerald Tablet of the 2^nd and 3^rd centuries CE and it was embraced by European Hermetic occult practitioners and is still with us today. 

So theoretically we can say that it has been around since ancient times and therefore is encased in our collective ancestral knowledge.  I however think that when we look at what it really means and stop saying it by rote as a way to begin a ritual we could deepen our rituals and what we are attempting to manifest will become more focused.

How many times have I heard people speak to how difficult it is for them to manifest what they desire?  They say all the right incantations, work with the Gods and Goddesses and yet things are just not what they are seeking.  Interesting…  I have a theory.

First, let’s explore the As Above.  What is the As Above – it is the Dream Space.  This is where all our dreams, visions or the goals reside.  We all know that we have to have a clear picture of the Dream we want to manifest that is why we use vision boards and various other tools to strengthen that dream. The piece we miss… is our ability to overcome our own doubt. 

Doubt clouds our ability to manifest.  It makes us water down our dream and bring it more in line with what the Ego believes our abilities are.  Our Dreamer knows that we are infinite and that nothing is impossible.  What drives our Ego… Fear.  Fear of failure and sometimes even fear of success.

The So Below is this reality that we are in every day.  This is where the Ego lives and here it reigns supreme.  It will trick us into believing that we should not risk what we have.  There are times it will make you believe that you don’t deserve the dream you are manifesting.  Because of doubt the As Above is not reflected in the So Below and therefore can’t be made manifest.  That is why saying “As Above, So Below” as part of a ritual will not necessarily reap success – because we don’t believe it.

So, what can we do to overcome our Ego’s and get out of our own way?  We have to heal the Inner world so that we can calm the mind and start to see the Outer world for what is really is.  We need to stop projecting into the future and be in the now.  When we realize that what we do today is the foundation for tomorrow then we start to see the shift.  We need to stay the course and not let our Ego’s lead us astray. 

Love & Light

4 Truths about Healing no-one ever talks about…

Healing is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself however in the midst of the gift are a few hidden truths that you only start to discover once your path is set.

Not everyone cares:

We all feel that we should be supported by the people who love us as we start our journey towards healing.  The truth is though that most people who know you want you to stay the same.  Although hard to believe it is because they know your triggers and the patterns they run with you.  As you start to heal your past you change and that can be scary for some.  The usual patterns no longer apply and they will start to lose control over you.  Co-dependent relationships it will become harder to maintain and will become an issue for you and the other person.

You will lose friends:

Friends will starts to drift away as you change.  You will find more and more that you lose contact with old friends that don’t see the change in you as positive.  Additionally you will find that you don’t have the same things in common anymore.  As your vibration increases you will naturally let go of relationships that don’t serve you. There is a positive side here though, those who do support your change will stay and their vibrations will increase as well.

You will fail – many times:

There will be days where your one-point will shift, your emotions will rule as they did before and the “itty bitty shitty committee” in your mind will run wild.  However the good news here is that as you heal you will be able to return to a neutral state quicker.  Don’t get discouraged when you feel as if you are taking one step forward and two steps back, you are not truly, we continually come back to the things we thought we knew to gain a deeper understanding.  Also an unhealed pain or pattern will keep showing up in your life until it is healed.  The Universe gives us many opportunities to heal all the triggers and pain patterns we run in our lives.  Healing takes determination and strength of will.

Change is difficult:

Staying the same is so much easier than healing that it could be tempting to give up.  You already know everything about your life and changing takes you into the unknown.  The unknown is a place where nothing you do can be anticipated.  You don’t know how you will respond to anything and everyday will be a balancing act between the past, present and even the future as you start to speculate what the next test will be.  However we know that pain is a great motivator for moving forward as long as you move through the fear of what the unknown might look like.  The trick is to remain in the present and deal only with one thing at a time.  Baby steps…

Even though these truths seem challenging healing is still the best thing you can for yourself.  Imagine a life where you feel balanced and whole.  Imagine a life where remembering the past is painless and new challenges are dealt with courageously without causing blame or shame.   It is all worth it because in the end you get to SHINE….

Love & Light

Mistakes…. Four things they taught me.

I have enjoyed mine so much I think I will go make a few more!  As part of the healing process I have been scratching around in the events that I considered to be the muck of my life’s journey.  What I discovered is that these moments are the actual true moments of power.  They taught me valuable life lessons.

1. We don’t always get what we want.

We all dream our dreams and make our plans but in the end we receive what is most in alignment with our Souls journey.  Interestingly enough when you look back you will notice that what you did receive was actually spot on!  It often allows for future growth and new ideas.  If I had got what I wanted ten years ago I wouldn’t even be here or in this stage of my development.  It may have been possible but this journey has proved to be exactly what my Soul needed.  I had to break quite a few things to get here though…

2.  Ushers in a new understanding.

To my point of breaking things, the only way I have found that you can bring in a new understanding is by breaking the old way.  Mistakes force you to see where the crack is and allows for a paradigm shift.   Without the events that I consider to be my mistakes I would not have made that connection.  They served a vital role in uncovering my bullshit!

3.  Don’t hang onto them.

Whatever you do don’t hang onto your so-called mistakes.  Everything has a reason, nothing is random and we are all connected.  We are just acting on what we know at the time, and sometimes that just isn’t enough information but we don’t know what we don’t know.  Sometimes we take action based on a projection of what we want our lives to be, not what really is. 

4.  What is.

Mistakes push us to see life as it really is, all of the beauty and the warts.  Once we master the willingness to stop hiding behind our masks, our projections and our fears a new world unfolds and we can finally see the path of our journey. 

Once again this past weekend I witnessed the letting go by courageous people, each in their own space doing their work.  I tip my hat to all of us who won’t give up; we who plug away at our individual darkness in order to heal the human consciousness of our time and herald in the 5^th World.  HAIL!

Love & Light

Feeling Wronged...

Something interesting happened the other day.  I posted an article on my Facebook page and within minutes a person who isn’t on my friends list commented that I was ignorant, stupid and that I should check my facts.  To be honest, I can’t even remember what the post was about however I do remember the feelings his comment invoked.

The first was anger; not because he called me an ignorant person but because he was so stupid and couldn’t even see the truth of what I had posted.  I immediately thought this guy is obviously blinded by a closed mind and my view is so much more enlightened and superior.  Of course then there was pity… well not real pity more like condescension.  What a poor uneducated soul.

Then came the “how dare he!” It is my wall and he can’t come on my page and say whatever he wants. If he doesn’t like what he reads he should just scroll by as I do when I see something that I don’t agree with.  I don’t comment on other’s pages that they are idiots.  I might from time to time have a different opinion and I will comment but without the shaming.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion after all. If it turns into a spirited debate that’s good but you can’t have a debate with someone who already thinks you are a fool.

My instinct for action fueled by my anger was to tell him that he is the idiot and that his dumbass was stuck in the Dark Ages!  I started to type feverishly and then I stopped.  I took a couple of deep breaths and saw the whole interaction for what it was.  This guy had pressed my “Self-Righteous” button and I was allowing myself to be triggered and drawn in.  What a loss of energy!

I played out in my mind’s eye how it would go:

• I could make some snarky comment on his post
• Perhaps I could even post website links substantiating my point of view
• Other’s would jump on that to defend me or to shame me
• His friends would join in the fray and my page would become a place of name calling and vile

I realize was that he wasn’t there to have a healthy debate.  He had already shut down any path to dialog.  So I did what I should have done the first second I read it.  I remembered that it was my page and that I hold the power.  I deleted his post and carried on with my day…

Love & Light

Karma... Is it a Bitch?

Many of us, if not all, come into this life with Karma and we have one job to do and that is to heal that Karma so that we can Love unconditionally. 

I find it quite fascinating that people think that Karma is somehow going to do their dirty work for them. It grates on me when I see posts or hear people say “Karma is going to get so and so.”  It is a fact that there is a Law of Return in the Universe.  Even in the Bible we have “You reap what you sow” but Karma is not our personal judge and jury.

So why do we feel compelled to speak of Karma in this way?  I believe it is because of our own self-importance.  We are placing all the blame on the other rather than looking at our role in the situation.  Should we look into ourselves first we may discover that we allowed the perceived wrong to happen.  Does that make us partly to blame, absolutely and therefore it is important for us to take responsibility for our part. 

Karma is our teacher.  One could argue that wishing ill on a person that has done you wrong in some way is in effect doing intentional harm and therefore will incur your own Karma.  Would it not be better to understand how we allowed it to happen and then carry that lesson forward in order to not make the same mistake twice?

Every action has a reaction.  We can have good Karma as well when we act selflessly.  Paying it forward will solicit a positive return, it is the Law of the Universe – that is why the greatest rule I endeavour to live by is: “First Do No Harm”

All We Need Is Love...

It is said that all we need is love for humanity to be happy and for our lives to have meaning, yet this seems to be one goal we all strive for and hardly ever reach.  In this time of division I have been reflecting on this.  Why do we humans seem so incapable of love?

All Teachers of Light throughout the ages have spoken of Love being the most important thing in this life and that through love we are able to transcend our egos’ because when we love we are thinking of someone else rather than ourselves.  It is also one of the reasons that sacrifice is rewarded in literature, music and history.  Selflessness is seen as a virtue.

So why is it so hard for us to love one another?   Interesting that Jesus said that the commandment second only to loving God is to, “Love thy neighbour as thyself” and it is in this statement that I think the flaw lies.   Most of us don’t love ourselves at all. 

We all live with this dilemma.  Depending on how we were raised we may think that loving ourselves is selfish because we might have been told as kids how selfish and spoiled we were.  Alternatively we might have grown up believing that we are worthless and being told that in many ways, at school and at home.  Most of us are used to conditional love, if you do this for me I will reward you; if you don’t then you will be punished.   Perhaps this is why we love dogs so much.  They don’t want anything from you and they give you all their love unconditionally, even if you don’t feel you deserve it. 

This brings me to an experiment that was done by performance artist Marina Abramovic.  She stood still for six hours and allowed people to do anything to her body without any repercussions.  She removed all responsibilities for their actions.  What's frightening is that it very soon devolved into a sadistic, violent tableau.  Why I wonder, why did people not shower her with affection?  Why all the hate, fear and violence?

So how do we fix this as a society? Buddha said it clearly, “If you see yourself in others, then who can you hurt?”  Yet that won’t help us either if we don’t love ourselves.  We need compassion and empathy for all people not only the ones who are in agreement with us.  It all comes down to healing ourselves so that we can truly love ourselves.  How do we do that?

Forgiveness – we all make mistakes but we have to forgive ourselves for the mistakes of the past.  Mistakes are there to teach and they are part of the journey of life.  Remember that we are only human.

Releasing anger and hurt – if we can bring ourselves to let go of all the hurt and anger that we hold onto we are able to open our hearts.  While we are living with hurt it is impossible for us to allow anyone in.  We always keep them at arm’s length and this leads to separation.

Fear – when people aren’t the same as us we tend to keep them at a distance.  They don’t look, speak or act like us so they must be too different for us to love.  If we can’t heal the fear and distrust of people within ourselves, how are we ever going to change our perspective?  

Love & Light

Are you ready for Love?

When I first came up with this topic I started to sing Bad Company “Ready for love” then came “Crazy little thing called love” Queen then “Thing called love” Bonnie Raitt and on and on. I don’t think there is a topic in the universe that has been written or sung about more. Then why is it that it eludes so many?

We are obsessed with love as a species. Everything we do is in some way connected to finding that one person in the world that will love us unconditionally. We scour the earth for him or her thinking that somehow we will find true happiness. But many won’t and don’t… why?

Because love is not something that you can find, love is inside you. Happiness is not something that someone else can give you, no matter how much they love you. Happiness comes from within and is locked up in “LOVE OF SELF”!

If you are unable to love and accept yourself you will be unable to love and accept anyone else. And how do you get to that place of self-acceptance? There is only one way – and that is to heal all past hurt.

Unhealed all you will do is be triggered by the past and it will dictate how you react and respond to all the people around you. The past will always give you exactly what you don’t want; if you were abandoned you might be needy and this makes the person you are in a relationship with run in most cases. Even if he or she stays you could end up in a co-dependent relationship perhaps the other person has a need to control and bam the relationship is out of balance or even toxic.

If your trust has been shattered will you be able to truly open your heart and allow someone else to see into you? That is what intimacy means, “in-to-me-see”.  Or will you always hold a little back, just in case, to protect yourself?

So I ask again, are you ready for love? Have you healed the dark recesses of your mind? Have you let go of the pain of past hurt? Take a minute and ask not just your brain but your soul if you are.

Until you have done your own self-discovery and found out who you are at the deepest level and learned to love yourself you are only starching the surface of finding love. If you can’t love yourself unconditionally how can someone else? That doesn’t mean that you won’t from time to time slip into old patterns and act out in fear, but you will catch it before it is too late and be able to hold on to the best relationship in your life, the one with yourself… then all others will follow.

But all is not lost!  Occasionally we are lucky and we find that one person who is happy to help us unpack our baggage and burn the shit we don't need.  So keep your head up your eyes open, do your work and never let go of hope...

Love & Light

What Are You Thinking?

Today I am speaking to you about something you already know. However knowing and practicing is two different things.

Your Thoughts Are Your Most Powerful Tool!

We all know that we need to watch out thoughts for they become our reality but many of us have problems with keeping our focus. With awareness I have found that I hear my thoughts clearly now, and sometimes they are still disturbing.  

Have you ever done something seemingly and innocently silly, like go to the bank when you know it is probably going to be busy, say a Friday afternoon at four o'clock?  Of course you have.  I did that just the other day. I became aware that I was berating myself in my mind for being stupid for going to the bank at that time.  I was literally lashing out at myself.   Whoa... what was that about?

In my case it goes back to that feeling that I am constantly under pressure to get things done fast and efficiently.  What a load of BS!  At some stage I even convinced myself that taking lunch was a waste of time and you can imagine what that has done to my self-care over the years. Even though I am so aware of the problem I still struggle daily with this pressure that I put on myself.  Yes - there is the crux of the matter, what I do to myself! 

Here are a few tips that I use to keep working at it:

Second Attention:  I am always aware of my thoughts by placing my second attention on them.

Listening to my body: I stop what I am doing as soon as I feel tension in my body because it means that I am starting to put pressure on myself.

Gentleness: I treat myself gently and remind myself all day that I just need to be present. There is no rush.

Patience: I must have patience. I built this backbreaking thought pattern and habit over many years and it can't be broken in one day.  

Compassion: I must have compassion for me when I don't get it right.  Healing is a process.

So, this year I will continue to break down and through this thought barrier.  I do everything with second attention on my thoughts.  I remind myself over and over in a day that what I am currently doing is important and that I have all the time in the world to complete it. 

The ultimate goal you ask?  To walk in beauty with neutrality, strength and an open heart...

Love & Light

The Matter of Self-Worth

Ahhh… self-worth!  Such a simple concept but so incredibly illusive it seems.  I have been working with the causes of lack of self-worth for a long time looking to uncover the mystery.  Of course it is easy to simply go back to our childhoods and place the blame squarely at our parent’s feet, but I don’t think it is that simple.  For one thing we always have to remember that they were doing the best they could with the tools they had.  Yes there are some who really did have shitty parents but when the chips are down even they were only doing what they knew, and remember that much of it is linage cycles that repeat themselves.

If we want to lay the blame at their feet we should look at it from our children’s perspective, should they be placing the blame of their own lack of self-worth at our door?  Don’t you feel in your heart of heart that you did the best you could?  Sure you might know better now, but that was then.

Here is what I know… everyone has a bout with lack of self-worth, no-one is spared.  It hides in the arrogance and egotistical self-importance of some and in the indulgent self-pity of others.  It is true that every single one of us will find something that will make us feel deficient.  It could be our peers at school or at the workplace.  There is bullying and abuse in the more extreme forms and also trauma.

So how do we get rid if these feelings of inadequacy?  I have seen great successes with the following steps but it does depend on if you are willing to really let go.

Heal the inner child.  Do some deep work and allow the inner child to let go of any trauma suffered as a child whether perceived or real. 

Take responsibility. Once you have healed the child you have to take responsibility for all the decisions you have made the good and the bad.  Own the good decisions and let the bad ones go. 

Forgive yourself.  Don’t hang onto your mistakes!  We all make them, always remember every choice we make is based on what we know at the time.  Sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we wanted it to. Move on.

Erase personal history.  Don’t let your personal history stop you.  Fear is a show-stopper.  Don’t project that history will repeat itself.

Change your patterns. Becoming aware of your patterns aren’t enough, you have to change them.  Negative self-talk has to be nipped in the butt so that you can make the necessary changes to step into your power.

Know yourself. Know the situations and or people that trigger you.  Find new ways to deal with everyday challenges so that you do not revert back to your old habits.  When you stop lying to yourself about your situation or about who you are your whole universe starts to shift.  It takes courage but it is so worth it!

Last but not least… Believe in yourself! 

Love & Light

Integrity

Integrity… for me there is hardly a more powerful word in the English language.  It holds so much power and hope; however it seems sadly lacking in this world.  I have been watching how the world conducts itself, from world leaders, business moguls, celebrities to the average citizen and I have to confess I don’t like what I see most of the time. 

Keeping in mind that we are all human and make mistakes it does seem that there are many that act out every impulse without any thought of the consequences.  I feel they do what they want and as long as they don’t get caught.  It is when they get caught that they really sicken me.  When did apologizing make everything okay?  They stand there looking dejected, some even with tears in their eyes as they plead with us to forgive them.  Why I ask myself did they do it in the first place?  Sure we all make bad judgement calls from time to time… but come on, you can at least own it and take responsibility for it.

There are so many examples in the public world but I see it in my daily life around me, normal people who lie, cheat and manipulate to get what they want, when they want it.  They say money is the root of all evil, that isn't true – people are, when their actions to enrich themselves are at the expense of others.

How do you know if you are acting without integrity?  I have searched for the tell-tale signs in my own life.  I have found them very helpful in testing my own integrity as well as others.

1.  It is all about you – your needs come first no matter what! 
2. Your self-esteem is dependent on what others think of you – you say and do anything to remain liked and keep up a front.  You do whatever is needed to stay “in”.
3. You keep secrets – hiding the truth or outright lying to keep up your façade.
4. Your word is not your bond – you break promises.
5. You give in – not standing strong for your principles.

I personally struggle with the last one.  Sometimes I will give in in order to avoid a confrontation.  Every time I don’t speak my truth I am breaking my integrity.  I tell myself that I am picking my battles, but am I really?  Might it just be easier to go with the flow?  I guess I am going to have to sit with that for a while…

Love & Light

5 Behaviours That Will Destroy Your Dreams…. EVERYTIME!

Everyone has dreams and it is of no consequence how big those dreams are or how small.  How you approach your dreams either makes them become reality or remain a daydream.  There has to be steps taken for a dream to become reality.  Just waiting for the Universe to bless you will never work, let’s face it – even if you dream of winning the lottery – you still have to buy that ticket!  Of course providence and being in the right place at the right time also comes into play but usually it also means that some type of action was taken to place you in that space. 

Often we will put all our effort into something only for it to not work out.  This happens frequently, however it regularly turns out that something better is just around the corner out of sight.  When this happens you will usually hear “Wow that worked out for the best.”  

The five behaviours I am going to discuss are the ones we use consciously or subconsciously to block our dreams. 

1.  Not Taking Responsibility:

Stop blaming other people for your shit!  Your parents, siblings, husband, girlfriend, boss or co-workers are not responsible for your choices.  We all have histories and we have all made mistakes – so own yours.  You don’t have to take the blame for other peoples choices only your own.  Sometimes we react to circumstances and people in such a way that we sabotage ourselves, a “cut your nose to spite your face” scenario.  Inevitably we have some hand in the circumstances so we have to take a good hard look at our role and take responsibility without judgement of ourselves or others.  You will find that all the drama will evaporate when you deal with the facts leaving you open to heal your wounds.

2.  Not Taking Action:

Procrastination and laziness are dream serial killers.  Talking up a storm about how you are going to make something happen is never going to bring it to fruition, you have to take action!  An example might be that you want to eat better, so you go to the store and buy healthy choices and look for healthy recipes only to flop down on the couch and get take out.  The food rots away in the fridge to be thrown into the garbage.  Of course we have excuses – I was too tired, I had a tough day at work, the kids drove me mad – but none of these are really valid if we value ourselves and our dreams.  Stop allowing excuses and justifications to ruin your dreams, make a commitment to yourself and your dream and take action!

3.  Break From Reality:

Living in the past or in the future will kill your dreams every time.  When we dwell on the past our story is ever present.  Stories stir up emotion and confuse the brain.  We start to project the same outcome as we have had in the past and it forces us to hold onto patterns.  Living in the future is just as destructive it makes us believe that if circumstances would somehow change then we will be happy.  You can however be happy now just by seeing reality for what it is and being grateful for what you have.  Worry has never solved a single problem, only action does and if there is nothing that can be done then acceptance of your reality is all there is.  Upon acceptance you will feel a weight lift off your shoulders, your emotions will calm down and your brain will clear opening the door to a new understanding of the problem and a new path to take.

4.  Having No Integrity:

What does integrity mean?  It means to have a quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.  It is a state of being whole and undivided.  Lies will stop dreams in their tracks.  The worst kind is the lies you tell yourself.  All the justifications that we have when we don’t act from a place of integrity cause negative energy around us, within ourselves and with others.  When your word can’t be trusted energy can’t move.  What we think and say is the driving force behind the energy we send out into the universe.  Lies cause chaos!   When we stop lying to ourselves and/or others, energy starts to flow and the universe starts to move in your favour.

5.  Self-Importance / Self-Pity:

Two sides of the same coin.  You can’t have self-pity without self-importance.  This is a difficult concept for most – I know I struggled with it for a while.   Self-importance makes us believe that rules don’t apply to us and that we are entitled.   It is that entitlement that blocks dreams because it makes us believe that we don’t have to put any effort in.  Think about what we call the “Entitled Generation” – they are so used to just getting what they want, often without deserving it that it becomes their nature.  If this behaviour is not rectified it can shift into narcissism and in extreme cases become a disorder.  To clarify I am not referring to self-esteem or self-worth – these two traits are essential to make dreams come true.

Self-pity on the other hand allows you to wallow in your misery.  It is a way to indulge in our inability to calm our emotions and break with our past.  It blocks our healing process and keeps us caught in all the situations where we believe we were the victim.  We remain victims of our past and our actions and attract negative energy and stagnation.   Often we find ourselves surrounded by negative people as a result.  When we believe that everything and everyone is against us we will not act because we are fear driven.  Dreams are not born from fear but from courage; courage to heal, to step into the unknown and to take up the challenge and move forward. 

How do you block your dreams?  Which of these behaviours do you practice, all or just some?  Do you fluctuate between self-pity and self-importance?  I believe these to be interesting questions.  If we can be truthful with ourselves we can get a glimpse of where we sabotage our dreams and take steps to rectify our thoughts and actions.  It is hard work but so worth it!

In Beauty

Broken Relationships...

Broken relationships - we all have our fair share.  The profoundly emotional Youtube video of Artist Marina Abramovic and Ulay seeing each other for the first time in years had me thinking about my own relationships that broke along the twists and turns of this journey I call my life.  With most I am glad to say I have been able to maintain a friendship but in some cases it could never make sense.  Some I got over quickly while others took time to heal.  

So many of my clients keep getting drawn back into the past and are unable to heal the wounded spirit.   Let’s face it, ending a relationship is one of the most uncomfortable things we need to do in our lives, and we have all had to do so at some time.  How we negotiate our discomfort will inevitably plot the course for both our and the other persons healing.  This led to me considering the reasons we hang on to the memories of these broken relationships and here are but a few. 

There isn't closure.

Many people are not capable of ending a relationship neutrally. We don’t want to deal with the other person’s anger and pain so we often take the easy way out.   In this day and age it is common for someone to end a relationship via text or e-mail.  They may think they are “sparing” the other person but actually they are really only protecting themselves.  When a relationship has fallen apart and we are unable to find closure in what has happened it will often stay with us.  We will dwell on the things we should have said or the things that we need to say and are unable to say.  This is especially true if you are “ghosting” the other person by not responding to their request to formally put the relationship out of its misery.

It is sudden.

Most of us know when a relationship is on a slippery slope to nowhere, even if we don’t want to believe it to be true.  We all know of that one person that was blindsided.  Where the other person walks in one day and says “It’s over” packs their bags and leaves.  Many times it is a marriage of many years and the person left behind feels their whole life spinning out of control.  Sudden death has the same impact but the healing steps are clear because there is nothing that can be done about it.

There is bitterness.

If the split was not amicable there is often a lot of bitterness and anger on both sides of the relationship.  Where children are involved they tend to be the only ones that suffer as their parents fight.  The relationship is long over and everyone involved would be better off to just let it go and move on.  However getting rid of that anger and hate locks you into your story and past.  Which in turn is then played out in any future relationship until you say “That’s enough; my story no longer defines me!”

Yet this video makes me wonder how it would be to have one minute of deep spiritual and emotional re-connection as these two people did.  Where for one moment we can see each other as we first did the day we fell in love.  I speculate whether it would open up old wounds or if it would bring true healing.

Our ONLY purpose for choosing to become physical beings is to LOVE.  That is the greatest challenge of all for in order to do so we have to be willing to be vulnerable and live with an open heart that can be broken.  It means we can’t put up walls and lock people out.  To love others as we love ourselves even our enemies.  How can we accomplish this enormous task?   By being present today with gratitude for all that we have, every experience and the beauty of our Souls…

Change...

Change is something we all fear yet it is all around us every day.  We only have to look to nature to see that it is constant.  The seasons go about their business quietly and calmly. 

Observe a tree for one year… Every cycle it gives up everything it has and goes inside itself.  It appears to be dead during the cold months of winter, there are no stirrings of life.   Then spring hits and the sap begins to flow unseen by the naked eye however if you lay your hand on the tree you can sense a quickening.  Before you know it the green buds appear and as if overnight the tree is in full bloom with flowers and leaves.  Then the summer stage with the fruit of its growth and labour with the final stage the slow decay as it once again goes within.

Our lives mirror this cycle.  There are times when we are at the top of the world and others when we feel as if the Universe has turned against us.  The interesting thing is that this is a cycle but it may not be recognizable.  With awareness of the twenty seven year Karmic wheel you will see how your life organically changes as you move through this wheel.

What is important here is to realize how you engaged in your life in each of these areas.  As an example if you didn’t heal unresolved issues in the completion of your fist Karmic walk at age 27 then you could have dragged that with you into the next cycle.  Or if between the ages of 15-18 you became unprincipled and ungoverned you could have built up a lot of patterns that require healing and so forth.  When studying this wheel you slowly start to realize where you might have created maladaptive patterns in order to deal with the traumas of your life.

If I pay attention to where I am right now, in my 3^rd Karmic cycle I am once again calibrating my Life Force.   I made the tough decisions in my final year, healed what I believed needed to be healed and now it is time to regroup.  However I am regrouping with a purpose and refuse to fall into self-pity because things have not gone my way, also staying clear of self-importance by not blaming anyone else and taking responsibility for my own choices. 

Sure change is tough but it happens every day, either in small measure or overwhelming.  We can’t fight it and sometimes the harder we hang on, the more misery we visit upon ourselves.  The best we can do is negotiate change with a positive attitude, healing and hope…

Love & Light

Staying Connected...

I had a wonderful time in Hawaii.  As predicted I was feeling healed by the time I left.  When I reflect back on the experience I remember that the day I arrived I was talking fast and completely wrapped up in my story of work and all the balls I am juggling every day.  One of the Sisters looked at me and said “BREATHE”.  I heard her but I stopped only for a split second to take a breath and continue my story of how tough things have been.  It was as if words were tumbling from my mouth without any control and my mind was racing a mile a minute.

After the first night I was feeling a little better.  My energy settled down and I started to speak slower with more thought.  Slowly I started to unwind and let go of all those things that fill my mind with confusion and doubt.  As the week progressed things became clearer and I was able to feel what was actually going on in my life rather than my perception of it.  I learned that I still have an issue with attachment and justification, something that I am now actively addressing…daily.  Any of my clients reading this will have a small smile right now because they know how much effort it takes to be aware and take action every time you are triggered and not to act out in your pattern.  My healing like everyone else’s is a journey.  

I digress, but the end of the week I was calm, grounded, centered and feeling strong, standing in my power soaking up the sun and heat, eating well and sleeping even better.  Then the week was over and I was on my way home….

I was so determined to hang onto this wonderful feeling of being grounded and balanced that I promised myself that I would put forward a strong intent to hold it but life happens.  Our flight was delayed by two and a half hours, still I was good…” it is what it is” I said to myself and held my ground.  For a week and two days I held it, nothing shook my ability to stay centered not even the unrelenting cold that never seemed to lift.  Then real challenges were thrown at me and my center shifted.  Lucky for me I was able to bring it back, so all is not lost and I am speaking clearly with the people who are pushing my buttons. 

It did make me question the sense of sanctuary a spiritual retreat gives you.  It is easy to be one with yourself and others when you are secluded and not really engaged in the day to day realism of your life.  By definition isn't that exactly what retreat means, to withdraw or hideaway?  It takes a lot more will to stay engaged and balanced when you are dealing with everyday chaos and the people who drive you crazy.  I won't  give up, I'll keep at it!

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the opportunity to go on the retreat, without it I think I would be a bumbling idiot or a raging maniac by the time spring arrives.  The trick is going to be in staying in a state of grace….

Love & Light

Transcending Ego

Transcending Ego – this statement has given me much food for thought.  It is held as a beacon as something to aspire to but what does it really mean?  In order to understand it you have to go back to what the word Ego really means.  There are a few definitions:

1.    A person’s sense of self-esteem, self-worth, self-respect, self-image
2.  Psychoanalysis - The part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
3. Philosophy – A conscious thinking subject

Does that mean that without an Ego we would have no sense of self?  If I transcend my ego what happens to my sense of self?  Do I become self-less and is that even possible?  The definition of Selflessness is:

•  Having little or no concern for oneself. 

In my way of thinking that doesn't sound healthy from a day to day perspective.  Of course if one was acting selflessly in a moment of danger, then it means something else altogether.

I believe my Ego is where the development of my multiple processes, cognitive function, defenses, and interpersonal skills emerged.  It has shaped me in many ways.  Then how do I transcend it and why would I want to?  To kill off the ego would make me psychotic… not a Sage.

Human beings all have ego and this is not a bad thing. We are designed to want instant gratification and without our ego’s we would act of every desire and whim good or bad.  Just think of a baby and how it reacts and interacts with its world.  It wants its needs seen to immediately – should you make it wait, then the baby will cry incessantly until the needs are met.  Our Ego’s help us determine what is good for us and shapes our reality.  It is when this ego is out of balance that we have a problem.

The unfortunate thing about our egos is that it often “lies” to us.  It deploys a defense mechanism in order to help us cope with the reality we create.  This is especially true when we are making choices that are in conflict with social norms, our own personal morals or taboos.  The defense mechanisms come in many forms such as, denial, displacement, intellectualisation, fantasy, compensation, projection, rationalization, reaction formation, regression, repression, and sublimation.  Our fear also resides in this place of ego and if our ego feels that we are putting ourselves in harm’s way it will stop us in our tracks.  That little voice that says:  No;  You can’t;  You’ll fail if you try… it resides there in the basic instinct of our Ego’s.    

In my practice I have seen many people who have employed one, many or all of the defense mechanisms because of Fear and the greatest fear is one of change.  The biggest problem is that they then make the decision to squash the ego and not act at all becoming immobilized by their fear.  They start feeling stuck.  The Ego must be heard for the individual to move forward and ignoring it just makes everything worse.  This does not have to be “transcendence” but rather finding a way to put it at ease.

One of the techniques I teach is an ancient Hawaiian Ritual called Ho’oponopono.  It comes in four parts; I love you, I am sorry, I thank you, I forgive you, ending with I love you.  This ritual allows you to clear the ego and allow it to feel heard instead of suppressed.  It allows you to find the courage to make the change you need to and step outside your comfort-zone. 

Keep in mind that Egotism is something completely different.  This is a place of self-importance, entitlement and arrogance.  I feel that people often confuse Egotism with Ego and that it has become one and the same in people’s minds.   When you are acting out of self-interest and narcissism and only thinking of how things affect you with no concern for others then you have another issue altogether.  In Shamanism we know that Self-Pity is the other side of the coin of Self-Importance.  That makes sense really; you have to have an inflated sense of self to feel sorry for yourself.

As for transcendence of the ego, I am still working on it.  What is transcending ego really mean you ask? It is to have knowledge of your True-Self and realizing your true nature.  There are times when I feel that I have connected with my higher self and that I no longer hold the view of myself as limited but rather as limitless.  I aspire to connect to my true self, the one that has no boundaries and engage in my life more fully, with a deeper connection to Spirit using the Self and Co-creation to accomplish my goals.  It is a strenuous task at times with all the external noise that we have in our lives but when it happens it is joyous and nothing short of a miracle…