Lately I have been triggered continuously by things that other people say or do. It has become a gooey, sticky mess and I have had many uncomfortable moments. My once reasonably quiet mind has started to chatter and the itty bitty shitty committee has had much to say. The chatter is projecting into the future and causing some anxiety.
As I don’t like to live with anxiety or a busy mind I have been actively trying to determine why I have been responding in this manner. It is easy to say, that person or situation, is a problem and place the blame elsewhere but we all know that is neither true and won’t solve a thing. Today the truth finally hit me!
Words have meaning:
Words carry weight for me. I see all words spoken as a means to set my intent. Therefore when I say something I mean it and I see it as an agreement. My word is my bond. What I have noticed is that some people use words without any intent. Words are just spoken flippantly as a matter of course with no agreement attached. So my problem is – I see an agreement where there is none. This is a tough one to swallow, because again I am assuming that everyone has my gravitas when it comes to words. From now on I will ask for clarification and not simply make assumptions.
In addition I have discovered that I have been drawing in a certain type of tyrant. Tormentors – these are people whose own pain and anger is so deep that they make every attempt to reduce your joy and happiness. They torment you with words and emotional abuse (which may turn to physical abuse) depending on their character. In my case it is the emotional roller-coaster that is upsetting my equilibrium. This lesson has huge significance for me because when I engage with anyone I create a connection. I also realize that it is not about cutting ties but rather about becoming detached from the outcome. I need to learn to care only for my energy and my words and leave other people’s actions and words outside my circle.
Now that I have some clarity about what is going on I realize I am creating drama in my life by not setting boundaries and speaking my truth. Of course taking these actions with a tormentor will have consequences and I need to remain detached. Intent and strength of will is required to work through and heal the trigger. Once the trigger no longer has hold… it will be done.
So be it!
Love & Light