4 Characteristics that show you are a catalyst for others.

Have you found that people who are right in the midst of a personal struggle will gravitate to you and that your energy seems to guide them through their crisis?  Well that may mean that you are a catalyst of other people’s healing.

I am not referring to the daily healing work I do as a practitioner. No, I am talking about a much deeper personal and emotional healing done in a one-to-one relationship.  

I am looking at why I get drawn into these situations.   With my own experiences I have found that the following traits and behaviors attract the people who are in need of a catalyst to make life changing decisions:

Authenticity

After years of working on myself I have come to a place in my life where I feel truly authentic.   I don’t feel judged by anyone because I don’t care what others think and I don’t judge others.  The saying “What other people think of you is none of your business” resonates with me at a conscious and unconscious level.  This authenticity leads to ease in my dealings with others and makes them feel comfortable to share their secrets.

Intensity

I live my life with an intensity that is seldom matched in people around me.  Other people who resonate the same become close friends and in these cases there is no energy loss on either side.  The ones who don’t vibrate at the same rate find my intensity and energy acts like a catalyst for them.  They draw from this and use it to spark change in their own lives.  In most cases this is not a problem because I have learnt how to protect myself from energy vampires.

Heart Connection

My heart is open to my community, my friends and my family.  My heart is generally open in this way.  I do however keep my heart hidden in a relationship until something happens that triggers a happy memory and allows me to open it.  Once that happens I am 100% present and engaged.   I don’t play games well, so I avoid them.  I am either in or out there is no in between.  This trait often makes the other person feel safe and then they start to engage at a deeper level.  There are times they run because they are just not ready.  When they run I struggle to just let it be at first but I soon see the wisdom

Enthusiasm

I am nothing if not enthusiastic.  I have a passion for life and I don’t play small.  I have lived most of my life taking risks and laughing at most of the consequences.  My motto, if you don’t laugh you’ll cry and that won’t solve anything.  So I choose to laugh.  If doesn’t hurt less but it is more bearable and affords me the grace to hold my head up and laugh with others at my crazy life.  People who need to feel protected when taking a risk notice this.  They draw energy from me to step into the unknown.

Do you have the same traits?  For me it isn’t always easy… sometimes I invest and find that I am left asking what went wrong.  Does this happen to you?  Have you been left wondering how come you have been squeezed dry? 

Here is what I know; you have far more reserves than you think.  You will always return stronger than before.  You will recover quickly as long as you are never a victim.  Perhaps it is yours to do but remember you always have a choice.

I realize quickly that I choose my path and that there is power in every choice I make.  Life is glorious and we should all live it to the fullest, even if it means taking risks and laughing in the face of despair.

Choose wisely…

Love & Light

Mistakes…. Four things they taught me.

I have enjoyed mine so much I think I will go make a few more!  As part of the healing process I have been scratching around in the events that I considered to be the muck of my life’s journey.  What I discovered is that these moments are the actual true moments of power.  They taught me valuable life lessons.

1. We don’t always get what we want.

We all dream our dreams and make our plans but in the end we receive what is most in alignment with our Souls journey.  Interestingly enough when you look back you will notice that what you did receive was actually spot on!  It often allows for future growth and new ideas.  If I had got what I wanted ten years ago I wouldn’t even be here or in this stage of my development.  It may have been possible but this journey has proved to be exactly what my Soul needed.  I had to break quite a few things to get here though…

2.  Ushers in a new understanding.

To my point of breaking things, the only way I have found that you can bring in a new understanding is by breaking the old way.  Mistakes force you to see where the crack is and allows for a paradigm shift.   Without the events that I consider to be my mistakes I would not have made that connection.  They served a vital role in uncovering my bullshit!

3.  Don’t hang onto them.

Whatever you do don’t hang onto your so-called mistakes.  Everything has a reason, nothing is random and we are all connected.  We are just acting on what we know at the time, and sometimes that just isn’t enough information but we don’t know what we don’t know.  Sometimes we take action based on a projection of what we want our lives to be, not what really is. 

4.  What is.

Mistakes push us to see life as it really is, all of the beauty and the warts.  Once we master the willingness to stop hiding behind our masks, our projections and our fears a new world unfolds and we can finally see the path of our journey. 

Once again this past weekend I witnessed the letting go by courageous people, each in their own space doing their work.  I tip my hat to all of us who won’t give up; we who plug away at our individual darkness in order to heal the human consciousness of our time and herald in the 5^th World.  HAIL!

Love & Light

Are the happiest people really those who do for others?

For me this a very interesting idea and for the most part I believe it is true… for the most part.  When we are doing for others we feel connected and that makes us feel good about ourselves.  I am all for that but I think there are circumstances where it could become a burden.

I have personally struggled with the concept of being of service.  I have spent many hours being of service to my Shamanic community.  The concept is that when you are of service that give-away will be returned to you three fold.  Well I don’t always feel that way when I am standing outside in minus 10 Celsius mid-winter and everything I touch is frozen. However I know that it is worth it because I also feel connected to that community and I know that I am an integral part of it.  The same goes for when I stand with the Salvation Army Kettle in December offering my time to help raise funds to support those less fortunate than myself.

I feel that this type of altruism truly makes you feel happy, connected and allow you to feel deep gratitude.  Volunteering for the greater good of your community makes you smile. However I believe there can be a dark side to giving.  There is a different expectation when you are supporting people you don’t know and it can be quite different when you are doing for people you do know.

So many people have spoken to me about being depleted by doing for others.  They have given their all only to be left feeling used and taken advantage of.  At times the consequences can be quite devastating.  So why is it not the same? 

I think that there are a couple of reasons it isn’t the same when you are doing for people you know:

Expectations:

Often our personal relationships are complicated and we could be acting out of guilt or an attempt to manipulate.  We also want to feel as if we are getting something in return and that the other person appreciates all we do for them.  When we are always giving without receiving something in return there is a good chance that we will end up feeling resentful and that doesn’t make you feel happy.

Boundaries:

With the people we love we often don’t have healthy boundaries and we don’t always know how to create them.  It is usual for us to do things for these people and when we either can’t or no longer want to we don’t know how to draw the lines so that we can support ourselves and not end up feeling depleted.  Saying “NO” to the people we love is difficult for many.  Feeling depleted in any way, whether it is energetically or financially is so bad for us that the consequences can have a negative impact on our health.  When we realize this and start to build healthy boundaries there is always push-back form the people who were benefiting from our generousness and we end up feeling disappointed and miserable.  

So, how are we able to give to those we love and still feel happy and not like a martyr? In my opinion it can be done in the following ways:

• Create healthy boundaries so that you are not depleting yourself.  Decide what you will and will not do.  Communicate these boundaries clearly and from a place of neutrality and then stand your ground!  No good setting boundaries and then not honouring them.  Mixed signals are the worst especially if you had to battle to set those boundaries.
• Care for yourself and your health.  It should be obvious but it is not.  You can only help people when you are healthy and strong.   Remember when you travel they always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others – think about it.
• If you have expectations that have to be met by the other person – then don’t do it!  This is especially true if these are “unknown” expectations.  If you have not voiced what you need in return and want the other person to “magically” know – stop and look at your own motives.  Perhaps they are not as clear as you believe them to be.
• If you believe that the person you are doing something for will “owe” you something in return you should once again check you motives.  Are you trying to be manipulative?

The idea is not to discontinue giving but to do so with healthy boundaries and with known expectations so that everyone in the equation gets what they need, the feeling of being supported, appreciated and loved…

Love & Light!

Feeling Wronged...

Something interesting happened the other day.  I posted an article on my Facebook page and within minutes a person who isn’t on my friends list commented that I was ignorant, stupid and that I should check my facts.  To be honest, I can’t even remember what the post was about however I do remember the feelings his comment invoked.

The first was anger; not because he called me an ignorant person but because he was so stupid and couldn’t even see the truth of what I had posted.  I immediately thought this guy is obviously blinded by a closed mind and my view is so much more enlightened and superior.  Of course then there was pity… well not real pity more like condescension.  What a poor uneducated soul.

Then came the “how dare he!” It is my wall and he can’t come on my page and say whatever he wants. If he doesn’t like what he reads he should just scroll by as I do when I see something that I don’t agree with.  I don’t comment on other’s pages that they are idiots.  I might from time to time have a different opinion and I will comment but without the shaming.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion after all. If it turns into a spirited debate that’s good but you can’t have a debate with someone who already thinks you are a fool.

My instinct for action fueled by my anger was to tell him that he is the idiot and that his dumbass was stuck in the Dark Ages!  I started to type feverishly and then I stopped.  I took a couple of deep breaths and saw the whole interaction for what it was.  This guy had pressed my “Self-Righteous” button and I was allowing myself to be triggered and drawn in.  What a loss of energy!

I played out in my mind’s eye how it would go:

• I could make some snarky comment on his post
• Perhaps I could even post website links substantiating my point of view
• Other’s would jump on that to defend me or to shame me
• His friends would join in the fray and my page would become a place of name calling and vile

I realize was that he wasn’t there to have a healthy debate.  He had already shut down any path to dialog.  So I did what I should have done the first second I read it.  I remembered that it was my page and that I hold the power.  I deleted his post and carried on with my day…

Love & Light

And I'm Feeling Good...

Finally all the little deaths I have had the last few years are starting to make sense.  Many of you have heard me talk about a twenty seven year cycle and how we move through it.  Within that cycle I also see another six/seven year cycle for me.  There is always a significant change in my life on that six/seven year cycle.  This last shift that has coincided with my twenty seven year cycle has been life altering… again.

These moments are often marked by a loss.  It may be a lost love or a financial loss, death or perhaps a loss of joy but there is always a loss.  What I have learnt about loss is you need to allow yourself to feel it.  I have found so many people who don’t want to face their pain; they believe that all negativity should be shunned like a leper.  What they are missing out on is learning the full lesson of the series of events and integrating those lessons.

Now that doesn’t mean that you indulge in self-pity and wallow in the loss.  It means that you allow yourself to feel it.  Then you work with the loss to understand the lesson.  You keep working with it and you keep delving deeper and deeper until the full meaning is revealed.  You do this with optimism, sobriety, humour and determination.  If you don’t you could be on a slippery slope to depression and illness and that doesn’t serve you.

My second twenty seven year cycle ended with loss.  For the last three years I have been working it and I also finally made a few vital changes that have allowed me to fully move on.  I feel like a butterfly that is no longer in a glass jar.  Funny thing is, my circumstances have not changed.  I have worked through all the death and change since I stepped into my third, twenty seven year cycle and now I am ready to seek new adventure and find a new edge. 

It started with the simple act of self-care.  This included cleaning up my eating habits and getting back to gym.  My energy levels are up and I am feeling an increase in my life force, sexual energy which has been totally out of whack since menopause (another loss that needed to be understood).   As we know when sexual energy improves so does your ability to manifest and I can feel it awaken after years of sluggishness.

Now I stand at the edge of my Crone years with all the wisdom I have gathered.  I have a new understanding of life and what is important.  I am filled with gratitude.  Sometimes I am even able to hold onto that joy in the midst of the trivial irritants that happen daily and sometimes I grind my teeth and swear, but it’s all good because...

I’m feeling good….

Love & Light

Dying To Make A Change...

The other day I was browsing motivational videos on Youtube and I was struck by how many of the speakers base their life changing insights on near death experiences or dreadful illness that brought them to the brink of death.  I have always found it fascinating that people literally have to die before they make the changes they need to live a fulfilling life. 

What is it about the near death experience that allows us to embrace a new way of life?  My observation is that once you have faced death nothing more can scare you.  All the little fears that your ego dreamt up for you is erased once you have had to face a real fear.  Illness strengthens your courage and your will. 

Here is the thing that really boggles the mind… that near death experience or life alerting illness… you attracted it.  Right about now I can hear the choruses of; “No I didn’t!” but you know in your heart of heart that in some conscious or unconscious way you did.  Illness is the body’s way of making us pay attention!  Just like the sudden accident it forces you to pay attention to your path and what you are here to do.

But there are more subtle signs.  Perhaps you recognize some of them:

An abusive relationship that spirals out of control

Financial problems

Death of a loved one

Divorce

Losing a job

How many of us have made life altering changes after one of these occurrences in our lives? When we are able to make the necessary shift with grace and acceptance we often find that the impacts of these trails are far less than we ever imagined.  It is when we stay stuck in fear, grief and anger that life becomes unbearable.  If we feed the unbearable we attract more of the same.  If we let go and do what we need to do to heal, well then we attract more healing and growth.  If we ignore it all together… well then life throws a brick at us!

What are you prepared to do to make your life altering changes?

Love & Light

What's In My Blood....

The mystery of my ancestry has been on my mind for a long time.  I have been delving into my past and I have successfully traced my Fathers family tree back to the ancestor who immigrated to South Africa in 1694. My Mothers tree has not been that easy but I am not going to give up, I will continue to poke around.  Recently I had my DNA tested to see where I come from. The results were a mixture of "Yes I guessed that" and "Wow...really?" It has given me a deeper understanding of myself. 

As an Afrikaner I have always prided myself on the fact that I have no English blood, wrong… turns out I have quite a bit of ancestry from Great Britain.  Not Anglo-Saxon but rather Celts that stayed north of Hadrian’s Wall. To be expected – Western Europe, Nederland, Belgium and Germany is next and then Scandinavian and Eastern Europe.  The most surprising result is that there is 10% European Jewish, Ashkenazi ancestry.  So what did I find out – I am definitely of European decent!  Of course that is nothing new.

What I have uncovered is that I have expanded my view of who I am.  Basically I am a Celt because they were everywhere.  Now we think of Celts being in Scotland and Ireland but initially it was the whole area and they moved around a lot. Then of course the Vikings came and things shifted again.  I am exploring all of these pieces. I am researching their traditions, art and music and it is giving me a complete picture of myself.  I feel it also explains the unyielding spirit of my people.

It has been an interesting journey.  I think everyone should have their DNA tested it teaches you so much about yourself.   Another bonus, it adds so many new vacation destinations.

A more esoteric reason for doing this work is; if you believe in past lives then you are your own ancestor and I am searching back for a link to the past lives that have the strongest influence on this lifetime.  From the previous past life work I have done there are a number of lives that are impacting this one (in many of them I was an inhabitant of early Europe). Those deja vu moments of forgotten memories that stir when you do something you believe to be for the first time but it feels like it is not.   For me an example of this is that I decided to teach myself the Bodhran.  The day I picked it up I found I could play it – not with much finesse mind you – but I could play it.  Where did that come from?  Is it a memory from a past life?  Now I am working on honing this skill.

There is so much that lies hidden in our memories and in our blood… Is it time for you to explore yours?

So... Why Are You Not Happy?

You got it all and yet... So many people I meet are not happy with their lives even after they have everything they have ever wanted.  They have the house, the car, the bank account and the toys yet their lives feel empty.

I often hear celebrities talk about this phenomenon Lady Gaga, Josh Radnor, Russel Brand, Eric Clapton and Cameron Dias to name but a few.  They give speeches to full auditoriums about how fame and fortune never made them feel whole, appreciated or fulfilled.  The cynic in me immediately thinks “Yeah it is easy to say when you have a full bank account, but quite another if you are living paycheck to paycheck.” I also don’t want to go to the stereotype of half-naked little children dancing in the street to show us that having nothing makes you happy – it doesn’t, hunger isn’t funny and doesn’t make anyone happy.  Then I step back, because I know better. 

At this very moment of my life I own less than I have since my childhood.  I worked hard and remained focused on my goals all my life to get to the top of my game.  Then how am I here?  I felt that some things had no meaning and then I took some risks which didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped but I am through it and out the other side. And guess what? I am happy. Every day even the ones that are not so great I am still fundamentally happy. 

Saying that you are not happy once you have all the material things you wanted does not immediately make it true that you should live like a pauper and not have material wealth at all that’s nonsense. You have to have a stable Tonal (reality).  Your basic needs have to be met food, shelter, clothing and safety. However after that there comes a breaking point where the next new toy, better car, TV’s, phones, spending for spending sake, to get the latest and the greatest doesn’t improve your life but can actually disconnect you from yourself and others.

Society also pits us against each other way past healthy competition. We can hear this in the choice of our words to describe our environments be it at work or play. 

·        The gloves are off!

·         Let the games begin.

·         The Battleground.

·         The War Room… (Really?? It is a project people get your priorities straight.)

·         He who dies with the most toys wins!

·         Dog eat dog.

·         Survival of the fittest.

There are a number of reasons we believe that happiness is always something we have to search for. It is because we have started to believe what this consumerist world has told us since we were little sitting in front of the TV being actively marketed to.  That you need to have stuff to be happy!  What a load of crap!

What do we really need?  From my own experience we need (in no particular order):

·         Integrity and self-authority.

·         Courage to stand for what you believe in.

·         To accept reality, no projections or perceptions.

·         Being proud of who you are and your lineage.

·         Be in the present.  Have no attachment to the past or the future.

·         Be present in your life and engage. Doesn’t matter if it is “good or bad”.

·         Don’t worry.

·         Give up control.

·         To be in service of others, to give of ourselves and our time.

·         No self-pity or self-importance.

·         Gratitude.

·         To dream.

·         Strive to do well and better our lives.

·         Realizing we are all connected and related.

·         Caring for the earth and going into nature to fortify the soul.

·         Not needing someone else’s approval.

·         Taking responsibility for your life and your choices.

·         To take risks that make us feel alive.

·         Self-care and self-acceptance.

·         Learning something new.

·         Expanding your life force.

·         No judgment of yourselves and others.

·         Compassion even for those who we believe has harmed us.

·         Forgiveness for ourselves and others.

WOW! That is some list you might be thinking and you are right, it is but at the heart of everything on this list there is:

·         LOVE

The most important love is the one we have for ourselves.  We need to believe that we deserve to have happiness.  If you can go to sleep at night (even if it is alone) with gratitude and a clear conscious, no worries and a deep love and acceptance of yourself… then you can be truly happy.

Love & Light.

6 Essentials for Healing

In the course of the last five years I have been working with many people working on self-improvement, healing and growth.  The question that I am asked most when they start their journey is what will it look like.  I always have to respond that I don’t know; it looks different for everyone.  I do know that I can’t do anything for the person other than guide.  

I personally can’t heal another for two reasons:

•    I won’t step into someone’s else’s circle and tell them what to do
•    I won’t take responsibility for another’s healing I can only guide

My job is to hold space for the person so that they can have a safe container to do their work and to offer a different perspective if they have become stuck.  The other thing I do know is that if the following is not present the healing can be superficial.

Awakening – There has to be an awakening that shows you that you can no longer keep doing what you are doing.  Everything falls apart and for some it becomes and internal struggle that leads them to self-medicate while for others it becomes and external push against everything around them.  Few people take action before the crisis, most wait until the wheels have literally fallen off.  However it doesn’t matter how you come to the realization, through choice or force, there is an awakening that makes you search for a new way of being.

Determination – Although it doesn’t have to be difficult, changing well ingrained patterns and triggers is never easy.  It takes determination to continue because often it is two steps forward and one step back.  All I can say is learn to Cha-cha.  Every time you slip into your dark, have awareness, forgive yourself and do better next time.  Soon the steps back will become less and less and you will start to move forward swiftly.

Patience – It is essential to have patience.  As you saw above there will be many opportunities to feel like you are failing.  Healing quickly isn’t impossible but it is not the norm.  Shamanism is a quicker healing methodology because the story is unimportant, unlike western methods where you need to tell the story until it doesn’t trigger you anymore, but it still requires you to be gentle and patient with yourself.  Remember the two steps forward, one back?

Ruthless Compassion – Cut through the lies of your ego!  There is no greater liar than the little ego, the one that feeds on fear and is triggered by past experiences.  Silencing the mind is arguably the most important part of the journey.  There is only one way to do that, ruthless compassion.  You can’t allow yourself to fall into self-pity or self-importance.  Self-pity will allow you to indulge your story and self-importance will make you believe that you are fine (everyone else if the problem) and that there is no need for you to fix anything because you are so special.  Have compassion for yourself but don’t fall for all the reasons you can’t, shouldn’t change your life and re-assemble your reality.  You can be your worst enemy or you can have compassion and love yourself on your journey to self-discovery.

Acceptance – Stop being a pessimist or for that matter a rose-coloured glasses person.  Start seeing things for what they really are.  Often what we don’t want to hear or believe is that we created our reality. We dreamed it in – ALL of it – the good the bad and the ugly!  That is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes.  The longer you hold onto the façade you created the longer it will take to heal.  Accept what is and disassemble the perception of your reality.  Once it is dismantled you can start assembling it again with more wisdom.

Fearless – You have to be absolutely fearless.  Healing means that you need to go place’s you have never gone before.  You will have to face your dark and see it for what it is.  Remember ruthless compassion though, always be gentle.  That darkness helped you survive some tough times in your life.  Healing also means that you will need to do things you have never done before, so you will fearlessly have to step into the unknown. 

Believe me I know it sounds a lot easier than it is.  I personally have done all of these steps on my path and still do so I know it is do-able.  Being human means that we win one day and not the next but if you are really committed to a better way of living and finding joy again then buckle down it will be well worth the effort.

Love & Light

What Are You Thinking?

Today I am speaking to you about something you already know. However knowing and practicing is two different things.

Your Thoughts Are Your Most Powerful Tool!

We all know that we need to watch out thoughts for they become our reality but many of us have problems with keeping our focus. With awareness I have found that I hear my thoughts clearly now, and sometimes they are still disturbing.  

Have you ever done something seemingly and innocently silly, like go to the bank when you know it is probably going to be busy, say a Friday afternoon at four o'clock?  Of course you have.  I did that just the other day. I became aware that I was berating myself in my mind for being stupid for going to the bank at that time.  I was literally lashing out at myself.   Whoa... what was that about?

In my case it goes back to that feeling that I am constantly under pressure to get things done fast and efficiently.  What a load of BS!  At some stage I even convinced myself that taking lunch was a waste of time and you can imagine what that has done to my self-care over the years. Even though I am so aware of the problem I still struggle daily with this pressure that I put on myself.  Yes - there is the crux of the matter, what I do to myself! 

Here are a few tips that I use to keep working at it:

Second Attention:  I am always aware of my thoughts by placing my second attention on them.

Listening to my body: I stop what I am doing as soon as I feel tension in my body because it means that I am starting to put pressure on myself.

Gentleness: I treat myself gently and remind myself all day that I just need to be present. There is no rush.

Patience: I must have patience. I built this backbreaking thought pattern and habit over many years and it can't be broken in one day.  

Compassion: I must have compassion for me when I don't get it right.  Healing is a process.

So, this year I will continue to break down and through this thought barrier.  I do everything with second attention on my thoughts.  I remind myself over and over in a day that what I am currently doing is important and that I have all the time in the world to complete it. 

The ultimate goal you ask?  To walk in beauty with neutrality, strength and an open heart...

Love & Light

The Matter of Self-Worth

Ahhh… self-worth!  Such a simple concept but so incredibly illusive it seems.  I have been working with the causes of lack of self-worth for a long time looking to uncover the mystery.  Of course it is easy to simply go back to our childhoods and place the blame squarely at our parent’s feet, but I don’t think it is that simple.  For one thing we always have to remember that they were doing the best they could with the tools they had.  Yes there are some who really did have shitty parents but when the chips are down even they were only doing what they knew, and remember that much of it is linage cycles that repeat themselves.

If we want to lay the blame at their feet we should look at it from our children’s perspective, should they be placing the blame of their own lack of self-worth at our door?  Don’t you feel in your heart of heart that you did the best you could?  Sure you might know better now, but that was then.

Here is what I know… everyone has a bout with lack of self-worth, no-one is spared.  It hides in the arrogance and egotistical self-importance of some and in the indulgent self-pity of others.  It is true that every single one of us will find something that will make us feel deficient.  It could be our peers at school or at the workplace.  There is bullying and abuse in the more extreme forms and also trauma.

So how do we get rid if these feelings of inadequacy?  I have seen great successes with the following steps but it does depend on if you are willing to really let go.

Heal the inner child.  Do some deep work and allow the inner child to let go of any trauma suffered as a child whether perceived or real. 

Take responsibility. Once you have healed the child you have to take responsibility for all the decisions you have made the good and the bad.  Own the good decisions and let the bad ones go. 

Forgive yourself.  Don’t hang onto your mistakes!  We all make them, always remember every choice we make is based on what we know at the time.  Sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we wanted it to. Move on.

Erase personal history.  Don’t let your personal history stop you.  Fear is a show-stopper.  Don’t project that history will repeat itself.

Change your patterns. Becoming aware of your patterns aren’t enough, you have to change them.  Negative self-talk has to be nipped in the butt so that you can make the necessary changes to step into your power.

Know yourself. Know the situations and or people that trigger you.  Find new ways to deal with everyday challenges so that you do not revert back to your old habits.  When you stop lying to yourself about your situation or about who you are your whole universe starts to shift.  It takes courage but it is so worth it!

Last but not least… Believe in yourself! 

Love & Light

Resolution Revolution!

Many of us sit down at the beginning of the year and draw up a list of New Year's Resolutions.  These are personal resolutions and more often than not we fail at keeping them.  Interestingly enough the most common excuse for our new year's resolutions failing is that we didn't have the time.  We were too busy with work and responsibilities.  Let's face it we spend most of our waking hours at work so it is no wonder that it seems to get in the way of us being successful at our personal resolutions. 

What if we changed the way we look at our resolutions and found ways to incorporate these into our work day?  Imagine that you are no longer trying to find time but that the time you are engaged in work activities is actually supporting your resolutions.  Here are some of the most popular resolutions and a few innovative ways to keep them.

Reduce Stress:  One of the major causes for stress in the workplace are the relationships we have with management and our colleagues.  Be willing to listen to another point of view and actively engage in communication, don't just listen to reply.  If you are unfortunate and you work for a company that has poor management and you are unclear of what is expected from you, call a meeting with HR or with the appropriate person within your company and get it resolved.  Nothing creates more stress than continuously feeling like you don't know what you are doing or supposed to be doing.  Being open to new ideas and change reduces stress. Be Teachable! Don't take things personally check your ego at the door.

Time Management:  Why do we fail at time management?  Because everything we know about it is geared towards managing "clock time" and what we should really be managing is "real time".  Real time happens in our heads we create it and anything we create can be managed.  The first thing we have to know is how effective are we at using our time.  Jot down every thought, conversation, task or action you take for one week.  At the end of that week look for the places where you are wasting time on unproductive things that don't produce results .  Now you have the information to Organize, Prioritize and Schedule.  Make sure that 50% of your scheduled time is spent on activities that generate results and schedule time for interruptions.  Block out distractions, not every e-mail needs to be responded to immediately.  Remember that it is impossible to get everything done in a day and be okay with that, tomorrow is another day and that is why you are prioritizing.  The good news is that 20% of your actions will generate 80% of your results so if you are concentrating on the things that matter, you are way ahead of the game!

Pay Off Debt: In today's economy more people are trying to reduce their debt load as there seems to be uncertainty everywhere.  Improving your position at work could lead to an increase or a promotion which in turn can help with getting rid of your debt sooner.  How do you improve your position?  Engage actively in meetings and show your enthusiasm for your work.  Make sure you know what the company goals are and work towards those.  Avoid negative individuals and be open to new ideas and change.  Better still bring your own ideas to the table.  Make yourself indispensable.  Most of all enjoy what you are doing, it shows in your efforts and rubs off on others.

Learn something new: This could tie in nicely with the point above.  If you are thinking of learning a new language, how about learning a language that can help you in the business world.  Chinese is a good option but if your company has a German or Japanese holding company consider that language.  Perhaps one day when there are visiting officers from head office you can be an interpreter.  Take a course that can improve your skill set or join an association that supports your career.  Don't want to do anything work related, that's okay too.  Any personal development will allow you to bring a new perspective to the workplace.

Balance Home And Work: With more of us working from home we often don't know where to draw the line.  The biggest problem of our time is the Glorification of Busy!  Somewhere along the line we have become convinced that if we can't say "Oh I am sooo busy!" we are not pulling our weight and we give the impression that we are not committed to our jobs.  Turn that around, work smarter not harder.  Don't over-commit learn to say No!  Turn off the computer, get plenty of rest and play with your children, spend time with your spouse.  Do something that makes you happy.   Meditate, do cross-word puzzles or quietly sit in thought for a some time every day.  It is proven that time spent in silence strengthens your ability to problem solve.  Once you let go of the idea that busy is better and allow yourself to be present in the moment, whether at work or home, balance will find you!

Good luck with your resolutions and remember to be present... stop worrying or projecting - things hardly ever look they way you expect them to.  Plan and take action!

Love & Light

I am here...

As some of you might know I mangled my big toe about six weeks ago.  I opened a door right over it so badly that it required eight stitches.  I won’t share the actual event… too gruesome but I do want to share what I learnt from it.  It is completely healed now although it looks funny.

After the first week of dealing with the pain and general discomfort I sat down and asked myself how and why it happened.   How was I responsible for this accident?  I was astounded by what I found.

The first thing that came to mind is that I move at break neck speed!  On that day speed was completely unnecessary.  I had just had a wonderful lunch with my girlfriend there was no need to rush, after all I was only going home so why did I rip the door open with such force? 

Lesson 1:  Slow down!  I am not on fire!

The second thing I learnt was that I am not present.  I am always thinking of the next thing, task that needs to be done. I move from one thing to the next to get things done in the least possible time.  By not being present I miss much of the journey.

Lesson 2:  Be present!  I don’t have to be finished with a task before I have even started.  I need to enjoy the journey.

Self-care takes time is the third thing I learnt.  It can’t be hurried.  Every day I had to clean, wrap and care for my toe.  It required patience and I knew that it would take weeks for it to heal and I wanted to ensure that it healed with absolutely no complications. I was very aware of the risk of infection so I made my own saline solution and cared for it with great tenderness.

Lesson 3:  Be gentle!  Berating myself would not serve my healing process, I had to be gentle with myself giving my body all the time it needed to heal.

The fourth understanding was that I do everything with a sense of urgency as if my life depended on it.  My shoulders are tense; I hold my breath and my energy doesn't flow.  I waste a lot of energy.

Lesson 4: Relax!  Go with the flow and focus my energy in such a way that none of it is wasted.

Finally I learnt that to have true self-care you have to listen to your body.  I know we all say it but do we really?  I know I didn't.  I am very aware of every thought now.  I listen intently and I am starting to distinguish between the messages.  Am I hungry, thirsty, tired, in pain or stressed?

Lesson 5: Listen!  In order to have self-care you have to listen to your body.

And the bonus – I am a WORKAHOLIC!  As I cared for my toe and started to listen to my body I started to hear the nonsense my brain spews out.  I now notice how when I want to care for myself my brain tells me it is a waste of time. 

Making myself something to eat will take me away from my work and is therefore a waste time, is but one of the lies I tell myself.  It is clear that I don’t value my health if making myself something to eat is such a low priority.  I am making a concerted effort to change this thought process.  Awareness is half the battle, so now when I hear it I question my motives.  Is it really a waste of time? The answer always is; “NO IT ISN'T!”  

I am working with the root cause of this ridiculous idea.  I believe it comes from my years as a consultant where I preferred to work through lunch because I wanted to get done, get as many hours as possible and go home.  I remember getting upset with people when they wanted to take lunch – they were wasting my time… Can you believe it?  I never said anything to them though, I just felt frustrated.  Often I would not eat the whole day until I got home basically living on one cup of tea. 

Lesson 6:  Dream!  It is not all about getting things done.  Take time to eat healthy and well.  Get enough sleep.  

This is a work in progress… some days I win and some battles I lose but I am using all the tools in my kit to shift this and I will not give up!

In Beauty,

5 Behaviours That Will Destroy Your Dreams…. EVERYTIME!

Everyone has dreams and it is of no consequence how big those dreams are or how small.  How you approach your dreams either makes them become reality or remain a daydream.  There has to be steps taken for a dream to become reality.  Just waiting for the Universe to bless you will never work, let’s face it – even if you dream of winning the lottery – you still have to buy that ticket!  Of course providence and being in the right place at the right time also comes into play but usually it also means that some type of action was taken to place you in that space. 

Often we will put all our effort into something only for it to not work out.  This happens frequently, however it regularly turns out that something better is just around the corner out of sight.  When this happens you will usually hear “Wow that worked out for the best.”  

The five behaviours I am going to discuss are the ones we use consciously or subconsciously to block our dreams. 

1.  Not Taking Responsibility:

Stop blaming other people for your shit!  Your parents, siblings, husband, girlfriend, boss or co-workers are not responsible for your choices.  We all have histories and we have all made mistakes – so own yours.  You don’t have to take the blame for other peoples choices only your own.  Sometimes we react to circumstances and people in such a way that we sabotage ourselves, a “cut your nose to spite your face” scenario.  Inevitably we have some hand in the circumstances so we have to take a good hard look at our role and take responsibility without judgement of ourselves or others.  You will find that all the drama will evaporate when you deal with the facts leaving you open to heal your wounds.

2.  Not Taking Action:

Procrastination and laziness are dream serial killers.  Talking up a storm about how you are going to make something happen is never going to bring it to fruition, you have to take action!  An example might be that you want to eat better, so you go to the store and buy healthy choices and look for healthy recipes only to flop down on the couch and get take out.  The food rots away in the fridge to be thrown into the garbage.  Of course we have excuses – I was too tired, I had a tough day at work, the kids drove me mad – but none of these are really valid if we value ourselves and our dreams.  Stop allowing excuses and justifications to ruin your dreams, make a commitment to yourself and your dream and take action!

3.  Break From Reality:

Living in the past or in the future will kill your dreams every time.  When we dwell on the past our story is ever present.  Stories stir up emotion and confuse the brain.  We start to project the same outcome as we have had in the past and it forces us to hold onto patterns.  Living in the future is just as destructive it makes us believe that if circumstances would somehow change then we will be happy.  You can however be happy now just by seeing reality for what it is and being grateful for what you have.  Worry has never solved a single problem, only action does and if there is nothing that can be done then acceptance of your reality is all there is.  Upon acceptance you will feel a weight lift off your shoulders, your emotions will calm down and your brain will clear opening the door to a new understanding of the problem and a new path to take.

4.  Having No Integrity:

What does integrity mean?  It means to have a quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.  It is a state of being whole and undivided.  Lies will stop dreams in their tracks.  The worst kind is the lies you tell yourself.  All the justifications that we have when we don’t act from a place of integrity cause negative energy around us, within ourselves and with others.  When your word can’t be trusted energy can’t move.  What we think and say is the driving force behind the energy we send out into the universe.  Lies cause chaos!   When we stop lying to ourselves and/or others, energy starts to flow and the universe starts to move in your favour.

5.  Self-Importance / Self-Pity:

Two sides of the same coin.  You can’t have self-pity without self-importance.  This is a difficult concept for most – I know I struggled with it for a while.   Self-importance makes us believe that rules don’t apply to us and that we are entitled.   It is that entitlement that blocks dreams because it makes us believe that we don’t have to put any effort in.  Think about what we call the “Entitled Generation” – they are so used to just getting what they want, often without deserving it that it becomes their nature.  If this behaviour is not rectified it can shift into narcissism and in extreme cases become a disorder.  To clarify I am not referring to self-esteem or self-worth – these two traits are essential to make dreams come true.

Self-pity on the other hand allows you to wallow in your misery.  It is a way to indulge in our inability to calm our emotions and break with our past.  It blocks our healing process and keeps us caught in all the situations where we believe we were the victim.  We remain victims of our past and our actions and attract negative energy and stagnation.   Often we find ourselves surrounded by negative people as a result.  When we believe that everything and everyone is against us we will not act because we are fear driven.  Dreams are not born from fear but from courage; courage to heal, to step into the unknown and to take up the challenge and move forward. 

How do you block your dreams?  Which of these behaviours do you practice, all or just some?  Do you fluctuate between self-pity and self-importance?  I believe these to be interesting questions.  If we can be truthful with ourselves we can get a glimpse of where we sabotage our dreams and take steps to rectify our thoughts and actions.  It is hard work but so worth it!

In Beauty

Change...

Change is something we all fear yet it is all around us every day.  We only have to look to nature to see that it is constant.  The seasons go about their business quietly and calmly. 

Observe a tree for one year… Every cycle it gives up everything it has and goes inside itself.  It appears to be dead during the cold months of winter, there are no stirrings of life.   Then spring hits and the sap begins to flow unseen by the naked eye however if you lay your hand on the tree you can sense a quickening.  Before you know it the green buds appear and as if overnight the tree is in full bloom with flowers and leaves.  Then the summer stage with the fruit of its growth and labour with the final stage the slow decay as it once again goes within.

Our lives mirror this cycle.  There are times when we are at the top of the world and others when we feel as if the Universe has turned against us.  The interesting thing is that this is a cycle but it may not be recognizable.  With awareness of the twenty seven year Karmic wheel you will see how your life organically changes as you move through this wheel.

What is important here is to realize how you engaged in your life in each of these areas.  As an example if you didn’t heal unresolved issues in the completion of your fist Karmic walk at age 27 then you could have dragged that with you into the next cycle.  Or if between the ages of 15-18 you became unprincipled and ungoverned you could have built up a lot of patterns that require healing and so forth.  When studying this wheel you slowly start to realize where you might have created maladaptive patterns in order to deal with the traumas of your life.

If I pay attention to where I am right now, in my 3^rd Karmic cycle I am once again calibrating my Life Force.   I made the tough decisions in my final year, healed what I believed needed to be healed and now it is time to regroup.  However I am regrouping with a purpose and refuse to fall into self-pity because things have not gone my way, also staying clear of self-importance by not blaming anyone else and taking responsibility for my own choices. 

Sure change is tough but it happens every day, either in small measure or overwhelming.  We can’t fight it and sometimes the harder we hang on, the more misery we visit upon ourselves.  The best we can do is negotiate change with a positive attitude, healing and hope…

Love & Light

What is Personal Power?

Many people speak of personal power but what is it exactly?  How do you unlock it?  These questions are asked countless times and it seems no-one and everyone has the answer.  Personal power is having the courage to actually DO what is necessary.  Most people pay lip service to their lives in general.  How many promises that you have made to yourself have you actually kept?  How many times have you let yourself down with no follow through?  I know I have more times than I care to count.

Yes I know we all have our personal history, our stories that keep us stuck in the same pattern.  Do you make excuses?  Is there always a story that justifies your lack of action?  In some cases we even go as far as placing the blame on others because taking a step towards personal power will affect them.  We do all of this to avoid taking responsibility for our lives.

One of the things that strike me about personal power is that it is not as elusive as we would like to think.  It is right there all the time, and when we step into it the outcome that we feared the most inevitably doesn't happen.  Why is that?  Because we project a future based on the imagined fear before we take action.  Once you take action the circumstances of the situation change and all projections are transformed.  Interesting…  

The biggest block against personal power is personal history.   This could be every time you were hurt, “taught” a lesson, guilt ridden, abandoned, shamed or blamed but it really boils down to one thing and one thing only… innocence lost.  You can see how these feelings can leave you bitter, vengeful or obstinate.  What can grow in soil that has been tilled with these feelings?  Personal history gives your projections power and suppresses your personal power.  It stops your ability to dream, take chances, open your heart and engage in your life.

I know that some will say that our experiences are what shape us, but they should not dictate what we do from this time forward.  If we can use these experiences as guides to avoid further hurt and loss of innocence I am all for it but if they are kept alive solely for the reason of blocking our path and putting up a wall then they serve no purpose. 

Here is a little exercise.  Think of a time when you actually stepped into your power and dealt with a difficult situation.  How did it make you feel?  Did it really turn out as bad as you had thought? What did you gain?  Now imagine that you did nothing…. Where would you be now?

I remember a particular ceremony during my warrior training that pushed so hard against my fear I nearly gave up.  I was to find a place out in nature away from everyone, dig a hole, cover it with a tarp and sleep in my “grave” overnight.  When I first heard about this ceremony I was excited and eager but as the time to do it drew closer I felt such a resistance that it was palpable.  I made up excuse after excuse, I couldn't find a place, what about bears, spiders and snakes (none of which I am afraid of with the exception of bears) etc. etc..  I walked for six hours trying to find a spot only to return and angrily confront my teacher saying that I am not doing the ceremony.  She just nodded, told me to work with the fear and walked away.  I became infuriated, how could she have such disregard for my safety.  However when I sat down with that fear I realized that being with myself with no distractions and only the work that had to be done, which was to look at my life, what I was, what I think of myself and what others may think of me should I die today, scared the crap out of me.  Being that honest with me was beyond anything I had done before.  Then it hit me, it isn't that I couldn't confront me,  I couldn't confront  my personal history, there was so much guilt, hurt and blame.  So I stepped into my power, dug my hole, grabbed a blanket, warrior journal, pen and flashlight and pulled that tarp across my grave.  I laughed at myself thinking “you made your grave now lie in it” and I started with the cleanup.  That was the first (but not the last) time I truly let go of some of my personal history.  Had I not completed this ceremony I would not be where I am today I would still be stuck with the fear of facing myself and the unknown. 

For most people this may sound quite drastic.  Of course you don’t need to do anything this extreme but do take steps towards erasing your personal history and letting it go.  Find a practitioner that can guide you gently to facing your personal history so that you can be free.

So what does it take to step into your power?  Erase your personal history and let it go.  Find the courage to do what’s necessary.  Once done you can be the sorcerer of your life, the one that weaves magic and new experiences powerful enough to propel you forward towards the life you want and need. 

Love & Light