Broken relationships - we all have our fair share. The profoundly emotional Youtube video of Artist Marina Abramovic and Ulay seeing each other for the first time in years had me thinking about my own relationships that broke along the twists and turns of this journey I call my life. With most I am glad to say I have been able to maintain a friendship but in some cases it could never make sense. Some I got over quickly while others took time to heal.
So many of my clients keep getting drawn back into the past and are unable to heal the wounded spirit. Let’s face it, ending a relationship is one of the most uncomfortable things we need to do in our lives, and we have all had to do so at some time. How we negotiate our discomfort will inevitably plot the course for both our and the other persons healing. This led to me considering the reasons we hang on to the memories of these broken relationships and here are but a few.
There isn't closure.
Many people are not capable of ending a relationship neutrally. We don’t want to deal with the other person’s anger and pain so we often take the easy way out. In this day and age it is common for someone to end a relationship via text or e-mail. They may think they are “sparing” the other person but actually they are really only protecting themselves. When a relationship has fallen apart and we are unable to find closure in what has happened it will often stay with us. We will dwell on the things we should have said or the things that we need to say and are unable to say. This is especially true if you are “ghosting” the other person by not responding to their request to formally put the relationship out of its misery.
It is sudden.
Most of us know when a relationship is on a slippery slope to nowhere, even if we don’t want to believe it to be true. We all know of that one person that was blindsided. Where the other person walks in one day and says “It’s over” packs their bags and leaves. Many times it is a marriage of many years and the person left behind feels their whole life spinning out of control. Sudden death has the same impact but the healing steps are clear because there is nothing that can be done about it.
There is bitterness.
If the split was not amicable there is often a lot of bitterness and anger on both sides of the relationship. Where children are involved they tend to be the only ones that suffer as their parents fight. The relationship is long over and everyone involved would be better off to just let it go and move on. However getting rid of that anger and hate locks you into your story and past. Which in turn is then played out in any future relationship until you say “That’s enough; my story no longer defines me!”
Yet this video makes me wonder how it would be to have one minute of deep spiritual and emotional re-connection as these two people did. Where for one moment we can see each other as we first did the day we fell in love. I speculate whether it would open up old wounds or if it would bring true healing.
Our ONLY purpose for choosing to become physical beings is to LOVE. That is the greatest challenge of all for in order to do so we have to be willing to be vulnerable and live with an open heart that can be broken. It means we can’t put up walls and lock people out. To love others as we love ourselves even our enemies. How can we accomplish this enormous task? By being present today with gratitude for all that we have, every experience and the beauty of our Souls…