Friday, 4 January 2019

2018, Exit Stage Left...

For some of us it is good riddance!  Yes I know, for many of us 2018 was a rough year.  2018 seemed more chaotic than usual and nothing worked out the way we planned… or very little anyway.  I would like to just speak to 2018 and it’s energy one last time so bear with me.

We saw the #metoo and other feminist movements and agenda’s being brought to the forefront in 2018.  So much so that we could be lead to believe that 2018 was about healing the Feminine but that could not be further from the truth.  We saw prominent men brought to their knees last year.  We saw other men reaching out and speaking across the divide that separates the feminine and the masculine. 

2018 was the beginning of the shift of the Masculine Collective.  The old masculine paradigm is an energy that is no longer Universally tolerated.  As with any shift there is pain but only if we hang onto the old ways.  The men who were brought down were the pillars that held up the old paradigm and one by one they have been falling and will continue into 2019 but with more subtlety.

The unfortunate thing is that many people only saw the “angry Feminine” as the face of the year but these women were the catalysts for the Masculine shift.   Without their action the outdated masculine would continue to prevail.  It was about balancing the “me” and “we”.

Armed with this information reflect on your own 2018.  How were you able to bridge the gap in your own relationships with the opposite sex?  I know that there were shifts with my relationships with my sons mostly due to the fact that they softened.  The shift however was not without chaos and conflict in the first part of the year as I set boundaries and they pushed back.  As the year continued and ego’s, mine and theirs, let go of how we thought it should be and healed rifts I saw a gentle shift towards a deeper understanding. 

For men who were not ready 2018 was tough, they broke relationships and stepped away from their healing process.  I witnessed a lot of fear response to letting go of the past, although thankfully there was a return to stepping into the new Masculine energy for many, but only after the December Solstice and full Moon which was the ultimate and final shift of the year.

So here we are with 2019 wide open in front of us.  What will it hold and where are we heading as a collective consciousness?  Only time will tell…

Love & Light!

Thursday, 13 December 2018

4 Truths about Healing no-one ever talks about…

Healing is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself however in the midst of the gift are a few hidden truths that you only start to discover once your path is set.

Not everyone cares:
We all feel that we should be supported by the people who love us as we start our journey towards healing.  The truth is though that most people who know you want you to stay the same.  Although hard to believe it is because they know your triggers and the patterns they run with you.  As you start to heal your past you change and that can be scary for some.  The usual patterns no longer apply and they will start to lose control over you.  Co-dependent relationships it will become harder to maintain and will become an issue for you and the other person.

You will lose friends:
Friends will starts to drift away as you change.  You will find more and more that you lose contact with old friends that don’t see the change in you as positive.  Additionally you will find that you don’t have the same things in common anymore.  As your vibration increases you will naturally let go of relationships that don’t serve you. There is a positive side here though, those who do support your change will stay and their vibrations will increase as well.

You will fail – many times:
There will be days where your one-point will shift, your emotions will rule as they did before and the “itty bitty shitty committee” in your mind will run wild.  However the good news here is that as you heal you will be able to return to a neutral state quicker.  Don’t get discouraged when you feel as if you are taking one step forward and two steps back, you are not truly, we continually come back to the things we thought we knew to gain a deeper understanding.  Also an unhealed pain or pattern will keep showing up in your life until it is healed.  The Universe gives us many opportunities to heal all the triggers and pain patterns we run in our lives.  Healing takes determination and strength of will.

Change is difficult:
Staying the same is so much easier than healing that it could be tempting to give up.  You already know everything about your life and changing takes you into the unknown.  The unknown is a place where nothing you do can be anticipated.  You don’t know how you will respond to anything and everyday will be a balancing act between the past, present and even the future as you start to speculate what the next test will be.  However we know that pain is a great motivator for moving forward as long as you move through the fear of what the unknown might look like.  The trick is to remain in the present and deal only with one thing at a time.  Baby steps…

Even though these truths seem challenging healing is still the best thing you can for yourself.  Imagine a life where you feel balanced and whole.  Imagine a life where remembering the past is painless and new challenges are dealt with courageously without causing blame or shame.   It is all worth it because in the end you get to SHINE….

Love & Light

Wednesday, 7 November 2018

Trust… Fragile or Flexible?

I have been cautiously working with Trust.  Sometimes Trust is broken in big ways; infidelity, lying, stealing and abuse, and there is no doubt that when that happens most of us will walk away doesn’t matter what the other party has to say.  However most of the time trust is just slowly eroded until the thing that you trusted someone to do is just a shadow of the original agreement.

Anyone that knows me knows that broken trust has always been the one area where I have built walls around my heart.  Seems I can forgive almost anything but betrayal of trust.  There are a couple of really good reasons for that; the fact that people have often not lived up to their word and my perception, and therein lays the biggest issue, my PERCEPTION of their word and their intent.

How often have you thought that you had an agreement on a particular issue, only to find out that the other party didn’t see it as an agreement even though you gave them your bottom line, which they agreed to?  How many times have you been surprised by someone’s bending of the rules based on historical information that you might not even be privy to?  Interesting isn’t it?

Now, what is typically your response to broken trust when the rules are just bent or an agreement is “tweaked”? I know mine is to reassess and decide if my bottom line should move and if I can give a little based on the historical information I might now have etc. etc.  Either way what I am allowing for is the erosion of my trust and the sacrifice my integrity.   It is a clear message that my bottom line and any that follow is only a suggestion, not a bottom line at all and can be violated at any time with no consequences.  Pretty back and white… right?  Did you feel good in your body when you read that paragraph?  Probably not; because it comes across as angry, self-righteous, rigid and you most likely held your breath subconsciously.

What I know is that in my experience the world is not black or white but shades of grey.  Was the agreement really broken or was my perception of the agreement broken?  I promise you it will always be your perception that was broken.  Bending of a bottom line could be a price worth paying but the decision needs to be made on a case by case basis.  The consequences of all this “broken” trust becomes quite a stressor on all your relationships.

So, what to do?  Perhaps we should lighten up and look at agreements and trust in a different way:

The first thing to recognize is that you have a unique relationship with the concept of trust because it is based on your perception.  Your perception of the world is based on your moral values and beliefs, and these are created by your upbringing, experiences and the way you handle stress.  When you see it in that light it is obvious that no-one else will see things the way you do.  It is therefore illogical that you hold them to your standards and draw immovable lines.  What you can do is discuss the grey area.  Negotiate the terms that can move and the ones that can’t.   For me a bottom line that is unbendable is abuse, emotional or otherwise – if that trust is broken I walk away.  All other matters of trust I am prepared to negotiate, give a little, take a little to create a win-win.  If it becomes a lose-win for either party boundaries have been violated in which case it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship as a whole.

The second thing to recognize is that you can’t make people see or do things the way you do.  Take a romantic relationship as an example, often the reason you fell in love in the first place is because the person is different from you and gives you an opportunity to see the world through a different filter. The biggest and most dangerous phenomenon in today’s society in my opinion is that people are no longer allowed to disagree.  Disagreement is seen as “you don’t love me” which is nonsense.  Allow people to be themselves.  Don’t try to change them, change your perception of who they ought to be to who they are.  If they have habits that worry or annoy you, learn to hold space for yourself.  If no harm is being done adjust.  Being rigid and seeing only your way as the good or right way puts one person in control and causes huge stress for both parties, it is a lose-lose.  The person trying to live up to the rigid standards feel their self-worth being stripped away and the person holding the other to those standards feels anger and stress.  Both of these reactions lead to depression, anxiety and acting out; the oppressed in pushing boundaries and the oppressor in explosive anger and volatility. 

Change your relationship with integrity.  To be clear negotiating doesn’t mean you are sacrificing your integrity.  Integrity is not attached to trust as so many believe it to be.  Integrity is your personal bottom line and once again unique.  It is your values and belief systems that YOU won’t violate and has nothing what so ever to do with anything or anyone external.  You can’t force your values and beliefs (integrity) down someone else’s throat.

Lastly change trust to faith.  If you have made agreements have faith that the other person will keep those agreements to the best of their ability.  As people change and grow when feeling supported and loved so will their ability to hold agreements.  Give them and yourself the necessary space to breathe and grow into new ways of being.   Let go of expectations and relax, most of the things we get hung up on aren’t as important as we think anyway…

Love & Light

Tuesday, 2 October 2018

The Spiral of Deeper Understanding...

It is interesting how you find answers to questions in the most unlikely places.  This past weekend I was a vendor at the Toronto Pagan Pride Day.  Many people visited my table and asked questions about Paganism and the workshops I offer.  Then someone asked me a very interesting question. “Why did you study Shamanism if you are a Pagan at heart?”  I paused for a minute, and then a reply just poured from my lips.  I studied Shamanism because I needed to heal. 

So, why did I need to heal?  As I spoke to this person I realized that I have always manifested successfully throughout my life.  Except what I manifested was not always for my greater good.  There were times when I got what I wanted and the victory felt hollow.  When this happened I would simply go on to the next thing and not really think about it, but something was missing.

When I started practicing Paganism I found that my manifesting got even stronger.  I would put in my intent and work at manifesting the dream.  However there were times that the quote; “be careful what you wish for” was apt.  Often I would be perplexed by what I received, it was what I intended but not exactly how I had envisioned it, I always felt a slight disappointment wanting more.

Then one night I had a prophetic dream and I was called to Shamanism.  At the time I didn’t give it a second thought just asked around and found a teacher.  That was it, I made the commitment to study and become a Shamanic Practitioner.  Still there was no correlation between Shamanism and Paganism. I never questioned why.

And then this person asked me why and it became crystal clear.  Healing helped me clean up my thoughts.  I realized that the reason I wasn’t clearly manifesting what I intended before was because my thoughts weren’t clear, and when your thoughts aren’t clear your intending certainly can’t be.

So there I was at a Pagan Pride Day and suddenly it all came together and made perfect sense.  The Goddess sent me to follow a healing path so that I could heal and change the way I thought, felt and saw the world.  She then called me back when I was ready.  Now the world is open to me, I have a better understanding of the unknown.  I have done ceremonies that have shifted my perception of who I am and how I move through this world.  Because my dreaming has strengthened my manifesting is more on point.  I am so grateful for all the Magic that moves through my life and through me and for all the healing.  I know the rest of my life is going to be the best of my life as I manifest all that resonates with my Path and my Soul.

It makes perfect sense to me to weave Paganism and Shamanism together in such a way that they support each other.  To teach Magic that supports the Souls Journey and Healing that supports clear thoughts, dreaming and strong intending.  Wow that is a potent path of Manifesting the life we deserve.

Life is a spiral not a straight line. We continually come back to the things we thought we understood so that we can get a deeper understanding…

In Beauty 

Sunday, 5 August 2018

Don't look back... You are not going that way!

The other day I had to go drop my son off in my old neighbourhood to pick up his car.  I drove by my old house.  Suddenly I was struck by a deep sense of sadness and loss.  I thought I had dealt with the grief of losing so much so I found it surprising that I should have such a visceral reaction to seeing my old home. Then it hit me… the sense of failure that is connected to that loss.  I felt that everything I had worked for over the last decades of my life was squandered and I had no-one but myself to blame.

Unconsciously every so called failure I had ever suffered came to the forefront.  People who know me know that I don’t dwell in the place of self-pity so I was completely taken by surprise. I knew I had to deal with this sense of failure so I worked with my altar, I asked the Gods and Spirit for answers.  Frankly I asked every God I knew to give me insight into this feeling of failure, loss and grief.  The answers did not come immediately but over the last couple of week they did come… slowly but surely.

I’m living from a place of SCARCITY:
In my everyday lately, even though I have more than enough I act as if I am down to my last resources.  We all know that you reap what you sow and I have been sowing lack.  As I go through my day I look to what I don’t have instead of what I have in abundance.  I have never gone to bed hungry or slept outside (glamping excluded) or not had the means to care for myself and mine.  I have always had an innate trust in myself and the Universe that it would provide. I need to go back to that space of trust and innocence that all will be well.

I’m coming from a place of FEAR:
Fear is taking up a big part of my daily thought process.  I ask myself questions like: How will I survive when I get old? Will I be alone? Where will I live? How will I eat? I need a new car… What if I lose my job?  And so it carries on and on… the constant reminder of what I could lose.  Why am I living in the future and causing myself so much anxiety?  Surely I know that what I do today will be the foundation for what happens tomorrow… but do I really?  I did everything right and still I have very little to show for it.  Once again I have to center myself and ground.  Do these material things matter?  Yes they do but not as a validation of who I am.  I can own absolutely nothing but still find joy in the sparkle in my Grandchildren’s eyes, in my Son’s laughing and growing into wonderful men.  I have nothing to fear, the future will take care of itself I must take care of now and live only in the moment.

I have made my world SMALL:
I have put my life on hold.  I have confined myself to the four walls of my office.  Why… because I don’t want to lose what I have.  I can’t lose what I have it is already gone and that which has stayed is more than I can ever need plus I have the love of my family and friends.  Each day I lock myself up in this room I lose a piece of myself and my world gets smaller.  I have some deep decisions to make. I need to define my next incarnation.  I have started asking myself questions such as; what is important to me and what am I here to do?  I need to clear my path and make plans to walk it fully and with conviction.  I need to start dreaming…

As I work with all these feelings I have noticed a small voice and it is getting louder each day.  That young woman I once was and still am, the one that I silenced so that I could fit in, is making herself heard.  The young woman that wanted to see the world and experience life fully and that made choices to stay in one place as to not disappoint.  Her free spirit is growing and her voice is becoming a roar in my ears.

What is she saying?  You are FREE!  In the words of Kris Kristofferson that Janis Joplin immortalized “Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose”.  I can never lose the love of the people who love me; that I know for a fact.  There is nothing else to lose expect my Soul if I continue to ignore the roar.  Therefore I will strike scarcity, fear and playing it small from my thoughts and I will breathe in breathe out… no fear no doubt.

There is a vast ocean of knowledge and experiences out there. I will start to investigate do my research and prepare.  The time is not 100% right… I know this instinctively but it is close…

Sunday, 1 July 2018

Bent But Never Broken...

I have bent like a blade of grass in the wind.  When the storm is over I have pulled myself up and risen towards the sun.

I have been hurled against the rocks like the waves of a stormy ocean and I have always found a way to crawl back to dry land moments before drowning.

I have been blown like a grain of sand across the desert floor only to land back on my feet.

I have burned in the fire of my passion and burnt myself out to be resurrected like the Phoenix from the ashes.

I have stood grounded on the earth against the odds like a tree that found the smallest patch of earth to grow in.  I have sent my roots down until they cracked open the barren landscape and created my own destiny.

There have also been times when I have felt like a Lioness that lost too many battles and I just lay down a while to lick my wounds.  Gone quietly within and I have given myself permission to heal and to not let the world make me cold-hearted.  The scars I carry, I carry with pride because they remind me of my survival.

I have shouted at love and said never again!  I have laughed in the face of danger and taken the risk anyway knowing that the risk is worth it.  I have been foolish with my dreams and squandered opportunities but I have also nurtured some like fragile samplings and they have flourished.

Like the Wolf I have hunted my fears and slayed them one by one.  I have realized that it is important to see them for what they really are… an enemy that wishes to keep me small and in me place.

Yes, I have been tested by life.  I have survived many a storm and come out the other side with a few scars but I have always stood up again.

What I know is that the world can be a battlefield but it also holds much beauty because even though it can bash you up against the rocks it can also lift you up so you can ride the wave.  There is an abundance of love in a mothers gaze.  There is protection and warmth by a fathers side.  There is camaraderie in the support of siblings and friends. There is ecstasy in a lovers touch. There is pride and joy as your children succeed and grow.  There is innocence and the promise of tomorrow in a grandchild's eyes.  There is the wisdom of the ancestors as they guide you lovingly to where you have to be.  All these things are worth every bit of blood, sweat and tears you can muster.

I have fought my battles alone and tapped every ounce of my courage.  I vow to never surrender.  I will always stand and fight for what I desire, for my dreams for what I believe in and for those close to me because I know that I can never live my life on my knees…

So Be It!

Friday, 8 June 2018

Truth or Fiction...

I am making a strong attempt to not sound condescending or righteous while I am writing this blog; I want it to be neutral.  Something interesting is happening in the world.  People are hanging onto their beliefs and even changing well known scientific fact or history to suit a narrative of their own.  Older people, Baby Boomers and Generation X’ers, are more susceptible it seems.  I spoke to my Millennial son about why they don’t get suckered into this phenomenon as much and in his opinion it is very simple;  They know how to recognize garbage when they see it and we don’t.

You see it’s simple; they have never lived in a world where fact and fiction has not been the opposite side of the coin. They know movies are fake (even the ones that claim to be based in fact) and they know that we the older generation put a spin on everything to make people buy in.  Well guess what – they ain’t buying what we are selling!

However this bending of the truth has opened a sticky area that feels like leaky gut syndrome to me… crap just keeps trickling out.  If you repeat the lie enough, people will believe it.   They will send link after link of information found on dubious sites as proof that they are right.  Yet when historical or scientific facts are stated, if it doesn’t suit the narrative, it is discarded as being the conspiracy that we are being fed, by I am not sure whom.  The end result I believe is that we are getting sick and losing our moral compass.

In general society has taken a step back.  There is no longer “THE Truth” there is only the spin you want it to have.  What we don’t understand is that every Tom, Dick and Harriett can now have their opinion heard.  This is a good thing most of the time but when the ignorant starts leading the blind… well then I really don’t know.  Now when I say ignorant let me clarify that I don’t mean uneducated, no, I mean the people who actually do know better but are willfully misleading because they have decided that “commonly” understood, well known facts no longer suit their narrative.

Why do I feel this is a problem you ask? Well, I had a very disconcerting chat on facebook with a group of acquaintances from high school.  Little did I know that they are Holocaust deniers and I foolishly engaged.  They sent me link after link of facts that they have found on the internet to support their philosophy, that Hitler didn’t give the order for “The Final Solution” and that only one or two million Jews were murdered because it wasn’t possible to murder more etc. etc.  Even when another person provided some alternative sites that speak to the number of people including Jews that died in camps they just refuted it with the claim that it was Jewish propaganda.   I just left the conversation but I was deeply saddened because to me it doesn’t matter how many people died, six million or three hundred thousand (which was one claim) it remains a terrible, horrific time in history and one that I hope we never repeat.

 But my real fear is that I think we will repeat it.  I fear we have not learned anything from the past. We refute and dispute known facts.  We have people that believe the earth is flat for crying out loud!  When did that become a thing?  Why would our planet be the only one in the Universe that is different?  We sow division. Racism, Antisemitism, Misogyny and Militant Feminism is blatant.  The disenfranchised are disregarded.  People (Syria) are bombed daily and no-one bats an eye.  Children are put into holding cells (cages) and nothing is done.  Refugees are shunned and pushed to the margins of society.  Have we have lost our ability to have or even show compassion for all humans?

I don’t know how to fix this globally.  Perhaps finding “better” people to vote for will help, but power corrupts we have seen it many times.  After that sticky conversation about the Holocaust I spoke to my son about it and he looked at me incredulously.  “Unfriend them, why would you want to be friends with people like that?!” he asked.  And that is when I realized the power is mine. I can create my world in a way that it supports Sacred Life.  I can share with an open heart and have compassion for my fellow human beings.  I can refrain from judgement and I can fight against darkness by shining my light far and wide.  This doesn’t mean that I will avoid people who disagree with me but if they are actively working on creating division and hate… then they gotta go…

Love & Light