I had a wonderful time in Hawaii. As predicted I was feeling healed by the time I left. When I reflect back on the experience I remember that the day I arrived I was talking fast and completely wrapped up in my story of work and all the balls I am juggling every day. One of the Sisters looked at me and said “BREATHE”. I heard her but I stopped only for a split second to take a breath and continue my story of how tough things have been. It was as if words were tumbling from my mouth without any control and my mind was racing a mile a minute.
After the first night I was feeling a little better. My energy settled down and I started to speak slower with more thought. Slowly I started to unwind and let go of all those things that fill my mind with confusion and doubt. As the week progressed things became clearer and I was able to feel what was actually going on in my life rather than my perception of it. I learned that I still have an issue with attachment and justification, something that I am now actively addressing…daily. Any of my clients reading this will have a small smile right now because they know how much effort it takes to be aware and take action every time you are triggered and not to act out in your pattern. My healing like everyone else’s is a journey.
I digress, but the end of the week I was calm, grounded, centered and feeling strong, standing in my power soaking up the sun and heat, eating well and sleeping even better. Then the week was over and I was on my way home….
I was so determined to hang onto this wonderful feeling of being grounded and balanced that I promised myself that I would put forward a strong intent to hold it but life happens. Our flight was delayed by two and a half hours, still I was good…” it is what it is” I said to myself and held my ground. For a week and two days I held it, nothing shook my ability to stay centered not even the unrelenting cold that never seemed to lift. Then real challenges were thrown at me and my center shifted. Lucky for me I was able to bring it back, so all is not lost and I am speaking clearly with the people who are pushing my buttons.
It did make me question the sense of sanctuary a spiritual retreat gives you. It is easy to be one with yourself and others when you are secluded and not really engaged in the day to day realism of your life. By definition isn't that exactly what retreat means, to withdraw or hideaway? It takes a lot more will to stay engaged and balanced when you are dealing with everyday chaos and the people who drive you crazy. I won't give up, I'll keep at it!
Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the opportunity to go on the retreat, without it I think I would be a bumbling idiot or a raging maniac by the time spring arrives. The trick is going to be in staying in a state of grace….
Love & Light