We Reap What We Sow...

I have been sitting with recent events waiting for some enlightenment, meditating trying to find peace. It has been long in coming and I have gone through the all the usual emotions shock, anger and now acceptance. For me it is not about who was elected so much as why the world in such a place that this is even a possibility.

It is simple really and we are all responsible. “How!” you cry. “How can it possibly be our fault?” We would all like to believe that we are good people and that we care for our neighbour. Sometimes we even act like we do but deep down there is a darkness of the soul that makes its-self known in the most insidious of ways.

Our thoughts of fear tear us apart.  We fear one another and separate from each other and in so hand over the one thing that will truly set us free, love.  The people who would control us know this and have been using this against us since the beginning of time.  We stand idly by while people we feel superior to are vilified. That is what it is about, our own self-importance and how we judge others for their ignorance because they do not believe as we do.

I have been doing soul searching to find the ways in which I have caused this separation.  I have meditated and done ceremony to heal these fears.  I have listened to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, looking for answers.

 I feel I may have found the answer; it is only through seeking truth and practicing compassion, for ourselves and others that will we find peace…

Love & Light

The Matter of Self-Worth

Ahhh… self-worth!  Such a simple concept but so incredibly illusive it seems.  I have been working with the causes of lack of self-worth for a long time looking to uncover the mystery.  Of course it is easy to simply go back to our childhoods and place the blame squarely at our parent’s feet, but I don’t think it is that simple.  For one thing we always have to remember that they were doing the best they could with the tools they had.  Yes there are some who really did have shitty parents but when the chips are down even they were only doing what they knew, and remember that much of it is linage cycles that repeat themselves.

If we want to lay the blame at their feet we should look at it from our children’s perspective, should they be placing the blame of their own lack of self-worth at our door?  Don’t you feel in your heart of heart that you did the best you could?  Sure you might know better now, but that was then.

Here is what I know… everyone has a bout with lack of self-worth, no-one is spared.  It hides in the arrogance and egotistical self-importance of some and in the indulgent self-pity of others.  It is true that every single one of us will find something that will make us feel deficient.  It could be our peers at school or at the workplace.  There is bullying and abuse in the more extreme forms and also trauma.

So how do we get rid if these feelings of inadequacy?  I have seen great successes with the following steps but it does depend on if you are willing to really let go.

Heal the inner child.  Do some deep work and allow the inner child to let go of any trauma suffered as a child whether perceived or real. 

Take responsibility. Once you have healed the child you have to take responsibility for all the decisions you have made the good and the bad.  Own the good decisions and let the bad ones go. 

Forgive yourself.  Don’t hang onto your mistakes!  We all make them, always remember every choice we make is based on what we know at the time.  Sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we wanted it to. Move on.

Erase personal history.  Don’t let your personal history stop you.  Fear is a show-stopper.  Don’t project that history will repeat itself.

Change your patterns. Becoming aware of your patterns aren’t enough, you have to change them.  Negative self-talk has to be nipped in the butt so that you can make the necessary changes to step into your power.

Know yourself. Know the situations and or people that trigger you.  Find new ways to deal with everyday challenges so that you do not revert back to your old habits.  When you stop lying to yourself about your situation or about who you are your whole universe starts to shift.  It takes courage but it is so worth it!

Last but not least… Believe in yourself! 

Love & Light

What is Personal Power?

Many people speak of personal power but what is it exactly?  How do you unlock it?  These questions are asked countless times and it seems no-one and everyone has the answer.  Personal power is having the courage to actually DO what is necessary.  Most people pay lip service to their lives in general.  How many promises that you have made to yourself have you actually kept?  How many times have you let yourself down with no follow through?  I know I have more times than I care to count.

Yes I know we all have our personal history, our stories that keep us stuck in the same pattern.  Do you make excuses?  Is there always a story that justifies your lack of action?  In some cases we even go as far as placing the blame on others because taking a step towards personal power will affect them.  We do all of this to avoid taking responsibility for our lives.

One of the things that strike me about personal power is that it is not as elusive as we would like to think.  It is right there all the time, and when we step into it the outcome that we feared the most inevitably doesn't happen.  Why is that?  Because we project a future based on the imagined fear before we take action.  Once you take action the circumstances of the situation change and all projections are transformed.  Interesting…  

The biggest block against personal power is personal history.   This could be every time you were hurt, “taught” a lesson, guilt ridden, abandoned, shamed or blamed but it really boils down to one thing and one thing only… innocence lost.  You can see how these feelings can leave you bitter, vengeful or obstinate.  What can grow in soil that has been tilled with these feelings?  Personal history gives your projections power and suppresses your personal power.  It stops your ability to dream, take chances, open your heart and engage in your life.

I know that some will say that our experiences are what shape us, but they should not dictate what we do from this time forward.  If we can use these experiences as guides to avoid further hurt and loss of innocence I am all for it but if they are kept alive solely for the reason of blocking our path and putting up a wall then they serve no purpose. 

Here is a little exercise.  Think of a time when you actually stepped into your power and dealt with a difficult situation.  How did it make you feel?  Did it really turn out as bad as you had thought? What did you gain?  Now imagine that you did nothing…. Where would you be now?

I remember a particular ceremony during my warrior training that pushed so hard against my fear I nearly gave up.  I was to find a place out in nature away from everyone, dig a hole, cover it with a tarp and sleep in my “grave” overnight.  When I first heard about this ceremony I was excited and eager but as the time to do it drew closer I felt such a resistance that it was palpable.  I made up excuse after excuse, I couldn't find a place, what about bears, spiders and snakes (none of which I am afraid of with the exception of bears) etc. etc..  I walked for six hours trying to find a spot only to return and angrily confront my teacher saying that I am not doing the ceremony.  She just nodded, told me to work with the fear and walked away.  I became infuriated, how could she have such disregard for my safety.  However when I sat down with that fear I realized that being with myself with no distractions and only the work that had to be done, which was to look at my life, what I was, what I think of myself and what others may think of me should I die today, scared the crap out of me.  Being that honest with me was beyond anything I had done before.  Then it hit me, it isn't that I couldn't confront me,  I couldn't confront  my personal history, there was so much guilt, hurt and blame.  So I stepped into my power, dug my hole, grabbed a blanket, warrior journal, pen and flashlight and pulled that tarp across my grave.  I laughed at myself thinking “you made your grave now lie in it” and I started with the cleanup.  That was the first (but not the last) time I truly let go of some of my personal history.  Had I not completed this ceremony I would not be where I am today I would still be stuck with the fear of facing myself and the unknown. 

For most people this may sound quite drastic.  Of course you don’t need to do anything this extreme but do take steps towards erasing your personal history and letting it go.  Find a practitioner that can guide you gently to facing your personal history so that you can be free.

So what does it take to step into your power?  Erase your personal history and let it go.  Find the courage to do what’s necessary.  Once done you can be the sorcerer of your life, the one that weaves magic and new experiences powerful enough to propel you forward towards the life you want and need. 

Love & Light

Relationships... the eternal challenge!

People have problems every day; at work, home and even socially and when you peel away the layers it all boils down to relationships. Many people are unable to negotiate relationships. We would like to think that love is enough to make a relationship survive but it takes more than that for it to be healthy. When the heady feeling of love and lust has ended the hard work begins to keep the relationship strong. The first thing you should know is that all your relationships are about you. If the relationship doesn't feed you on every level there will always be a gap in your life. What are the biggest triggers for relationships you ask? Here are ten examples that I see on a regular basis in personal relationships:

1. The people in the relationship think as individuals.
If you are not dreaming a common future and do not have the same dreams and goals nothing will save the relationship as you want different things. Therefore if there are too many “I’s” and not enough “We’s” it is probably best to let it go.

2. Fear of asking for what you need.
Most people know in their gut that the relationship is not what it is supposed to be. Not only do they ignore all the signs they are too afraid to speak up and ask for what they need from the other person. This fear is often driven by a feeling that should they ask for what they need the relationship would most likely dissolve. The strange thing is that if they eventually gather up the courage and ask, the result if usually favourable.

3. Not asking the hard questions.
It is amazing how many of us figure out too late that the other person doesn't share our values i.e. want to get married, or have kids, or how they feel about looking after aging parents or even how to blend two families, raising children . When these issues arise, and they will, it can cause an eruption in the relationship. Granted, some relationships survive the bump in the road but depending on the importance of the matter some don’t.

4. Think they can change the other person.
The fact is people change all the time however we are not talking about those changes. We are talking about traits that you don’t like in your partner right from the beginning. Thinking that you can change the person into your vision of what and ideal partner should be is a recipe for disaster. Love is warts and all, if you can’t deal with the character trait… move on.

5. The relationship is out of balance.
The relationship is out of balance when one of the people in the relationship gives far too much and the other takes without giving much in return. Two things happen in this situation. Firstly the person giving starts to feel resentful and used. The other feels guilty for accepting and frequently manipulated and emotionally blackmailed.  

6. Lack of mutual respect.
This is where one partner feels spoken down to and the other is always in control. It is a slippery slope where eventually one of the partners feels like nothing they do is ever right. Sometimes this is a mirror for the other person to see that there are control issues at work but mostly it results in one person feeling minimized. If this lack of respect is left unchecked it can spiral down into mental abuse.

7. Interests in and outside the relationship.
It is important to have shared interests however it is equally important to have interests outside the relationship in order for each person to retain their own sense of identity.

8. Not being present.
When you are together you need to be present in the moment. When one partner is distracted and not engaged with the other or the relationship it will eventually end.

9. Neediness.
Although some people actively seek out people who are needy, I call it the “Knight in Shining Armour Syndrome,” the game quickly wears thin. In the end the Knight will tire of all the saving and when that happens, the other person will end up feeling abandoned. It seldom ends well.

10. Jealousy.
Jealousy is a death knell to most relationships. The jealous person is suffering from low self-esteem and has much work to do to heal while the other person is often victimized within the relationship, blamed for things he or she has not done and left feeling anxious and fearful. There is a good possibility that jealousy will spiral downward into physical abuse.

Don’t worry… normally we don’t have to deal with all of these in every relationship and some of them never present. The key to dealing with all of the above is communication! It is essential to face your fear and speak your truth from a neutral position and take responsibility for your part in the relationship.

Love & Light