Goodbye 2016

For many of us the end of 2016 can’t come quick enough.  Personally this has been a better year for me. The beginning was a touch chaotic but it quickly settled down into what could be described as tad monotonous.  The monotony was needed though, as I have required time to re-calibrate my life.  April 2014 was the end of my second twenty seven year Karmic cycle and since then I have been in the throes of cleaning up any Karmic debris and searching for a New Dream to make itself known.  So many things came to an end in this time and all the shifts have opened up so much space for new things to step forward.   I feel re-invented and it feels oddly natural reminding me that I have been re-inventing myself my whole life.   

At this time I usually look at the list that I created at the beginning of the year of the thing I wanted to do.  Guess what I didn’t do them all, of my list of seven things I did five… not too bad but the list was small this year.  Also these five things were just really about maintaining what was already happening.  The two I didn’t start, well they were new so I get it, this was not the time for new… only maintaining. I had to keep my focus very narrow. 

Now, it has been completely different for us as a human collective.  This year has shaken loose the dark underbelly of our nature.  The chaos that has risen up around us has been difficult to deal with at times.  The more vulnerable the people the more it was felt.  The violence and anger has been spilling out across the world driven by hatred and a separation from each other.   We have started to concentrate on the things that make us different rather than the things that are universally the same for all human beings.   With the rise of Trump and with Brexit it will not end anytime soon unfortunately.

I have to say that although I was hoping for a different outcome I knew there couldn’t be one.  This outcome, no matter how uncomfortable, is the better one.  We must remember that we were made for these times.  Each of us volunteered at a Soul level to be here and to do healing work, to stand up for the weak and push back at the darkness.  The question is – will we find the courage to stand our ground?  It is not going to be a time for apathy, each one of us will have to speak the unspeakable and stand by our conviction because as we all know…

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Edmund Burke

Love & Light

We Reap What We Sow...

I have been sitting with recent events waiting for some enlightenment, meditating trying to find peace. It has been long in coming and I have gone through the all the usual emotions shock, anger and now acceptance. For me it is not about who was elected so much as why the world in such a place that this is even a possibility.

It is simple really and we are all responsible. “How!” you cry. “How can it possibly be our fault?” We would all like to believe that we are good people and that we care for our neighbour. Sometimes we even act like we do but deep down there is a darkness of the soul that makes its-self known in the most insidious of ways.

Our thoughts of fear tear us apart.  We fear one another and separate from each other and in so hand over the one thing that will truly set us free, love.  The people who would control us know this and have been using this against us since the beginning of time.  We stand idly by while people we feel superior to are vilified. That is what it is about, our own self-importance and how we judge others for their ignorance because they do not believe as we do.

I have been doing soul searching to find the ways in which I have caused this separation.  I have meditated and done ceremony to heal these fears.  I have listened to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, looking for answers.

 I feel I may have found the answer; it is only through seeking truth and practicing compassion, for ourselves and others that will we find peace…

Love & Light

So... Why Are You Not Happy?

You got it all and yet... So many people I meet are not happy with their lives even after they have everything they have ever wanted.  They have the house, the car, the bank account and the toys yet their lives feel empty.

I often hear celebrities talk about this phenomenon Lady Gaga, Josh Radnor, Russel Brand, Eric Clapton and Cameron Dias to name but a few.  They give speeches to full auditoriums about how fame and fortune never made them feel whole, appreciated or fulfilled.  The cynic in me immediately thinks “Yeah it is easy to say when you have a full bank account, but quite another if you are living paycheck to paycheck.” I also don’t want to go to the stereotype of half-naked little children dancing in the street to show us that having nothing makes you happy – it doesn’t, hunger isn’t funny and doesn’t make anyone happy.  Then I step back, because I know better. 

At this very moment of my life I own less than I have since my childhood.  I worked hard and remained focused on my goals all my life to get to the top of my game.  Then how am I here?  I felt that some things had no meaning and then I took some risks which didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped but I am through it and out the other side. And guess what? I am happy. Every day even the ones that are not so great I am still fundamentally happy. 

Saying that you are not happy once you have all the material things you wanted does not immediately make it true that you should live like a pauper and not have material wealth at all that’s nonsense. You have to have a stable Tonal (reality).  Your basic needs have to be met food, shelter, clothing and safety. However after that there comes a breaking point where the next new toy, better car, TV’s, phones, spending for spending sake, to get the latest and the greatest doesn’t improve your life but can actually disconnect you from yourself and others.

Society also pits us against each other way past healthy competition. We can hear this in the choice of our words to describe our environments be it at work or play. 

·        The gloves are off!

·         Let the games begin.

·         The Battleground.

·         The War Room… (Really?? It is a project people get your priorities straight.)

·         He who dies with the most toys wins!

·         Dog eat dog.

·         Survival of the fittest.

There are a number of reasons we believe that happiness is always something we have to search for. It is because we have started to believe what this consumerist world has told us since we were little sitting in front of the TV being actively marketed to.  That you need to have stuff to be happy!  What a load of crap!

What do we really need?  From my own experience we need (in no particular order):

·         Integrity and self-authority.

·         Courage to stand for what you believe in.

·         To accept reality, no projections or perceptions.

·         Being proud of who you are and your lineage.

·         Be in the present.  Have no attachment to the past or the future.

·         Be present in your life and engage. Doesn’t matter if it is “good or bad”.

·         Don’t worry.

·         Give up control.

·         To be in service of others, to give of ourselves and our time.

·         No self-pity or self-importance.

·         Gratitude.

·         To dream.

·         Strive to do well and better our lives.

·         Realizing we are all connected and related.

·         Caring for the earth and going into nature to fortify the soul.

·         Not needing someone else’s approval.

·         Taking responsibility for your life and your choices.

·         To take risks that make us feel alive.

·         Self-care and self-acceptance.

·         Learning something new.

·         Expanding your life force.

·         No judgment of yourselves and others.

·         Compassion even for those who we believe has harmed us.

·         Forgiveness for ourselves and others.

WOW! That is some list you might be thinking and you are right, it is but at the heart of everything on this list there is:

·         LOVE

The most important love is the one we have for ourselves.  We need to believe that we deserve to have happiness.  If you can go to sleep at night (even if it is alone) with gratitude and a clear conscious, no worries and a deep love and acceptance of yourself… then you can be truly happy.

Love & Light.

Let Go...

I think we have spoken about this before but I have learnt more about it. As I watch the leaves turn and fall from the trees I am reminded that letting go of dead things can be beautiful and painless.  This year has been particularly beautiful. I notice people stopping at the side of the road to take pictures trying to capture the beauty.  I also know that it is impossible to capture the intense colours and that it is something that you have to commit to memory.

But let’s get back to letting go.  We all believe that letting go means that we are letting go of the past. Those past hurts and pain that we need to work with so that these things will no longer trigger us in negative ways in our here and now.  Yes this is true, but to do that we have to heal and that is a journey of self-discovery and forgiveness; forgiveness of oneself and others.

I would like to talk about letting go of something more present though.  The daily fear that our little ego’s dream up for us, the reason that our ideas are stillborn because we are too fearful of taking a leap of faith. These are not always huge things it could be as simple as self-care.  Many people put themselves last on the list and inevitably we find when we look into why, that it is because somewhere in their psyche they believe that they don’t deserve better. These negative thought are the serial killers of our happiness.  Those are what we need to let go of. 

We also know that stopping negative thoughts is one of the most difficult things to do, so I can hear you say “HOW?”  It is a process but here is how:

The Triple A approach:

·         Awareness

Once you become aware of the negative thoughts you can do something about it. So the first step is to listen. Listen to your thoughts with a second attention. Are you constantly berating yourself? Are you telling yourself you can’t possibly do something for various reasons? Are you always justifying and trying to explain yourself to yourself and others? If you are this is a cause for anxiety and stress which in some cases can become extreme and debilitating.

·         Assessment

So now that you are hearing the thoughts you must assess them. Take the little ego out of the equation and look at them neutrally.  Is the thought true? For instance “Is it real?” Do you really have to take on another person’s problems?  Are you choosing to make life difficult because that will keep the status quo and you won’t have to take a risk or step into the unknown? Are you not speaking your truth or are you denying yourself happiness because it is easier? Assess the true situation, stop lying to yourself… you deserve more.

·         Action

Now take action. Take a deep breath and change the thought.  “Yes I can, I have the skillset to… make the speech; change the dynamic of a relationship; take a stand and whatever else comes I can deal with the consequences.   

It is understood in Shamanic circles that a single thought lasts for seventy years… yes that is not a typo, seventy years. Think about that for a minute… what are you sowing?

Love & Light

Ceremony ~ Good for the Soul.

Last year two years I missed the Ceremonial Weeklong and I didn’t think anything of it until I went to this year’s weeklong.  As soon as I stepped on the land I just knew it was time… time to clear, forgive and work on strengthening my connection to Spirit. 

This year I wasn’t there to only work on myself but rather to lead others in their ceremony and I felt honoured to do so.  It was such a journey to see people arriving feeling tired and torn apart by whatever they were struggling with, and then at the end of the week witness the transformation!

I did however find some time to do my own ceremony.  I made an Inner Circle of Law Shield based on my values and principles. First I had to find those values and principles and I spent most of one day outside being chased by the Sun (as I moved to stay in the shade) reflecting and asking questions in each of the directions on the wheel.  Once I had these I could make the shield.  As I am not the greatest artist in the world I decided to use symbols to represent my Inner Circle.  Boy was I nervous when I had to make that first mark on the leather! I bound thin branches together for the frame.  I love the end result and it will hang on my wall.  This shield is a reminder of my values and principles and looking at it makes me determined to uphold them, especially when I can feel myself slipping into my “little ego” and fear.

Healing is one of the most difficult and at the same time most fulfilling things you can do.  It takes enormous courage, as the first step is to step away from fear and the patterns it keeps you in.  It is customary for the people we support during the weeklong to give us something in return.  We call it a “Heart Gift” and it can be anything.  I want to share the heart gift one of the young men I supported gave me.  He and I had our moments and some strong words were spoken because I would not let him slip into self-pity or sabotage himself.  He was there to heal and on my watch I wasn’t going leave him unchallenged!

This poem he wrote for me… it is his gift:

Gaze of the Ancients

Joy like a Child

Fierce, Independent

Mother o’ the Wild

Silver in Shadow

A Lunar Cocoon

Wolf Call o’ Wisdom

Light of the Moon

Written by: J

Battle for the Soul of America...

So, the fat lady is on the stage.  She hasn’t started singing yet therefore there is still time to change the tide but I have to say that things are looking super scary!

Yes there he is – Trump in all his glory firing up the people of the United States of America with his fear mongering and bigotry.  I don’t usually watch any of the convention things – I am Canadian after all – but this year I have watched some and followed in the news and I have felt like a person watching a horror/comedy never sure whether I should laugh out loud at the outrageous things he utters or to shield my eyes with my hands.

It has however opened my eyes to so many issues and I worry for my partner and friends in the US.  Racism, inequality, violence, fear and disillusionment are everywhere and people are tired.  Tired of lies and being held hostage by the world they live in. They, just like us wish to have a nice stable life without fear, guns and anger.  Is this what he will bring in should he be elected?  I really don’t know but if history is anything to go by, i.e. his campaign so far in the race to the Presidency, then I would have to say no and I get this awful pit in my stomach.

Trump is getting away with all this because his supporters are not calling him on his BS.  I have watched person after person being interviewed and even when faced with video proof of the erroneous things he says they reject it out of hand not even acknowledging it OR scarier still they justify it.  To me it seems that they know that if they should admit to any one of his lies or statements of bigotry then the veneer that holds them together will crack and it will all fall apart.  Do yourself a favour and watch a clip or two of a Trump supporter being confronted.  An example would be a little old Grandma who looks like she smells like vanilla cookies; red-faced and hoarse from all the screaming at the rally is asked if she believes Trump is a Christian.  “Of course he is!  He is the biggest (to coin a Trump phrase) Christian there is!”  My goodness this thrice married man is the “biggest” Christian there is?  Beats me….  These people all have one thing in common. When confronted with facts about Trump’s deceptions and contradictions they all look like CP3O having a short-circuit as they search for something to say that will make him sound sane.

If Trump should be elected to the highest office in this world these followers are going to expect him to keep his promises i.e. build that wall!  In the words of Michelle Obama… oops I mean Melania Trump “His word is his bond.”

Then of course there is this whole thing with Hillary.  Some people don’t like her or trust her. There are those e-mails and the cover up…. Benghazi… What can we believe? That she will say anything to get elected?  She represents so much of the old school politician that the Millennial’s despise.   They are Bernie fans! 

Hillary does not inspire as Bernie does.  She tries her best but she just isn’t as eloquent as Obama but she is capable and has the record to back up her claims that she can do the job. I have been watching Hillary valiantly trying to bring Bernie’s bright-eyed, tie-dyed idealists into the fold. I hope they go with her because what they don’t realize is that the US is not ready for the type of politician that Bernie Sanders is.  In forty years that ruler will rise from the very ranks of the young people who stood with him now, mark my words.  I hope I am still around to see that day.

Could we witness the rise of a fascist state?  I don’t know I would hope not but...  I watched Trump being asked some hard questions about abortion.  Regardless of your own moral personal views on the matter we have to think very carefully about banning it.  History taught us that doesn’t work and it puts many women at risk… backyard abortions will still happen.  What really concerned me though is that when the reporter eventually got him to respond to the question of the law should abortions be banned Trump finally conceded that he would recommend that the women be punished (jail time perhaps).  “What about the men?” the reporter asked. “Well… no.” was the reply.  This may seems small to some but I hear the suppression and vilifying of the Feminine.  What a shame that would be to take such a step back the very instant that the first woman in history is nominated to run for the Presidency of the United States.

On the bright side, often our worst fears are not realized.  It is quite possible that Trump, if elected will be hamstrung by Congress just as President Obama has been, and if Hillary gets elected nothing will change we will have four more years of quiet growth.

If the Democrats can’t get their act together we will be in for more than just a bumpy ride.  I feel sorry for the people of the US of A.  Depending which side of the political rhetoric you listen to their choice is between a villain and a demagogue.  Meanwhile fear is running rife as Trump fires up his jean clad, baseball cap wearing troops to take over the world….

Empaths – what are you doing in my space?

I know, I just pissed a lot of people off but I think it is a question that begs asking.  I am worn out by the expressed self-pity of empaths.  What is an empath anyway?  The dictionary says: “A person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.”

Really, did I give you permission to step into my circle and “feel” my mental or emotional state? I don’t think so!  Surely my thoughts, feelings and emotions are mine to feel and own and not to be randomly high jacked by another.  What really annoys me on top of it all is that the empath will then take my angst or fears as their own; take it on and wear it like a cloak, all the time bemoaning how horrid it is to feel other people’s stuff.  Well enough then – DON’T!  I have not given you permission in the first place!

Let’s get one thing straight, this is not a paranormal ability.  Every person I know has the ability to feel what another is feeling and feel empathy for another.  Some choose not to use their ability at all and remain quietly asleep. Others don’t give a damn and disregard everyone’s feelings but their own.  That doesn’t mean they can’t, they just don’t want to.  Perhaps sociopaths and psychopaths feel nothing at all – but they are not most people, then again one could argue that they feel everything and that it is exactly this ability that makes them such skilled manipulators.

Most people will feel empathy for others when faced with their sadness or grief, this is normal.  So what is the difference you ask?  The difference is that most people will not be so presumptive as to tell you that they can feel your feelings better than you can.

Empaths that can’t go to busy places with a lot of people, or the one crying in a crowd… you need to find a way to ground yourself.  Perhaps look at ways that you can protect yourself from the onslaught of other people’s feelings.  I know it must be very confusing and chaotic.  Do you feel it makes you special and different and is this feeling of "specialness" stopping you from holding your space? Is there a different way your gift can be applied where you don’t have to be crushed by all that is going on around you? If as you say it is such a burden to bear it might be time to find a way to tone it down.  There really is no need for you to absorb my feelings or anyone else’s.

Personally I feel deep empathy for people. Let me add that this has not always been so. It is only after my awakening and starting to heal that I have been able to open up enough.  As a person who works with people working on their personal growth it is a requirement.  However, I have their permission and it is in a safe controlled environment.  When I go out into the world, I go with an open heart but a protected Soul.  I keep my fibers to myself and don’t impose my luminosity, feelings or presence.  And I don’t want anyone doing that to me…

Love & Light

6 Essentials for Healing

In the course of the last five years I have been working with many people working on self-improvement, healing and growth.  The question that I am asked most when they start their journey is what will it look like.  I always have to respond that I don’t know; it looks different for everyone.  I do know that I can’t do anything for the person other than guide.  

I personally can’t heal another for two reasons:

•    I won’t step into someone’s else’s circle and tell them what to do
•    I won’t take responsibility for another’s healing I can only guide

My job is to hold space for the person so that they can have a safe container to do their work and to offer a different perspective if they have become stuck.  The other thing I do know is that if the following is not present the healing can be superficial.

Awakening – There has to be an awakening that shows you that you can no longer keep doing what you are doing.  Everything falls apart and for some it becomes and internal struggle that leads them to self-medicate while for others it becomes and external push against everything around them.  Few people take action before the crisis, most wait until the wheels have literally fallen off.  However it doesn’t matter how you come to the realization, through choice or force, there is an awakening that makes you search for a new way of being.

Determination – Although it doesn’t have to be difficult, changing well ingrained patterns and triggers is never easy.  It takes determination to continue because often it is two steps forward and one step back.  All I can say is learn to Cha-cha.  Every time you slip into your dark, have awareness, forgive yourself and do better next time.  Soon the steps back will become less and less and you will start to move forward swiftly.

Patience – It is essential to have patience.  As you saw above there will be many opportunities to feel like you are failing.  Healing quickly isn’t impossible but it is not the norm.  Shamanism is a quicker healing methodology because the story is unimportant, unlike western methods where you need to tell the story until it doesn’t trigger you anymore, but it still requires you to be gentle and patient with yourself.  Remember the two steps forward, one back?

Ruthless Compassion – Cut through the lies of your ego!  There is no greater liar than the little ego, the one that feeds on fear and is triggered by past experiences.  Silencing the mind is arguably the most important part of the journey.  There is only one way to do that, ruthless compassion.  You can’t allow yourself to fall into self-pity or self-importance.  Self-pity will allow you to indulge your story and self-importance will make you believe that you are fine (everyone else if the problem) and that there is no need for you to fix anything because you are so special.  Have compassion for yourself but don’t fall for all the reasons you can’t, shouldn’t change your life and re-assemble your reality.  You can be your worst enemy or you can have compassion and love yourself on your journey to self-discovery.

Acceptance – Stop being a pessimist or for that matter a rose-coloured glasses person.  Start seeing things for what they really are.  Often what we don’t want to hear or believe is that we created our reality. We dreamed it in – ALL of it – the good the bad and the ugly!  That is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes.  The longer you hold onto the façade you created the longer it will take to heal.  Accept what is and disassemble the perception of your reality.  Once it is dismantled you can start assembling it again with more wisdom.

Fearless – You have to be absolutely fearless.  Healing means that you need to go place’s you have never gone before.  You will have to face your dark and see it for what it is.  Remember ruthless compassion though, always be gentle.  That darkness helped you survive some tough times in your life.  Healing also means that you will need to do things you have never done before, so you will fearlessly have to step into the unknown. 

Believe me I know it sounds a lot easier than it is.  I personally have done all of these steps on my path and still do so I know it is do-able.  Being human means that we win one day and not the next but if you are really committed to a better way of living and finding joy again then buckle down it will be well worth the effort.

Love & Light

Are you ready for Love?

When I first came up with this topic I started to sing Bad Company “Ready for love” then came “Crazy little thing called love” Queen then “Thing called love” Bonnie Raitt and on and on. I don’t think there is a topic in the universe that has been written or sung about more. Then why is it that it eludes so many?

We are obsessed with love as a species. Everything we do is in some way connected to finding that one person in the world that will love us unconditionally. We scour the earth for him or her thinking that somehow we will find true happiness. But many won’t and don’t… why?

Because love is not something that you can find, love is inside you. Happiness is not something that someone else can give you, no matter how much they love you. Happiness comes from within and is locked up in “LOVE OF SELF”!

If you are unable to love and accept yourself you will be unable to love and accept anyone else. And how do you get to that place of self-acceptance? There is only one way – and that is to heal all past hurt.

Unhealed all you will do is be triggered by the past and it will dictate how you react and respond to all the people around you. The past will always give you exactly what you don’t want; if you were abandoned you might be needy and this makes the person you are in a relationship with run in most cases. Even if he or she stays you could end up in a co-dependent relationship perhaps the other person has a need to control and bam the relationship is out of balance or even toxic.

If your trust has been shattered will you be able to truly open your heart and allow someone else to see into you? That is what intimacy means, “in-to-me-see”.  Or will you always hold a little back, just in case, to protect yourself?

So I ask again, are you ready for love? Have you healed the dark recesses of your mind? Have you let go of the pain of past hurt? Take a minute and ask not just your brain but your soul if you are.

Until you have done your own self-discovery and found out who you are at the deepest level and learned to love yourself you are only starching the surface of finding love. If you can’t love yourself unconditionally how can someone else? That doesn’t mean that you won’t from time to time slip into old patterns and act out in fear, but you will catch it before it is too late and be able to hold on to the best relationship in your life, the one with yourself… then all others will follow.

But all is not lost!  Occasionally we are lucky and we find that one person who is happy to help us unpack our baggage and burn the shit we don't need.  So keep your head up your eyes open, do your work and never let go of hope...

Love & Light

How Do Your Expectations Limit You?

Expectations can make you feel so amazing and excited for the future but it can also leave you feeling let down and disappointed.  Has that ever happened to you?

One of the things about expectations is that we get hooked on the idea, the bigger our imagination, the bigger the expectation.  People who dream really vividly and in full colour often set unrealistic expectations.  They are crushed when it doesn’t look like they expected. 

I remember this being something that I struggled with when I was younger.  As I grew older I realized that it is not always possible for everything to turn out the way you see it in your mind.  Be sure that I am not talking about visualizing a better future.  All I am referring to is the times we blow it out of proportion in our minds that reality can never match the expectation. 

The scary consequence is that we then decide not to take risks.  We don’t try anything new because we believe that it can never look as good as we see it in our minds eye.  Time and time again I have spoken to people who just stop trying because they have been disappointed to many times.  Their dreams are so full of colour that everything pales by comparison.  And therein rests the shame.

So how do we stop it?  How do we make sure that our expectations don’t leave us disappointed or that we stop chasing our dreams?  We measure our expectations against reality.  

Let’s take a simple example:

It is a special occasion, your partner’s birthday.  You have dinner plans or you are cooking your partners’ favourite meal.  To make it extra special you set the table, buy good wine and in your mind you are preparing for the perfect romantic evening.  You dress up, wear your best perfume.  Your partner arrives but he is agitated.  His day at work wasn’t anything like what he had hoped it would be.  Suddenly your beautiful planned evening starts slipping away.  This is not how you envisioned the evening playing out and you don’t know how to shift it back.  You get angry, anxious or pull away because everything is spoiled!  He / she spoiled it all!! Does that sound familiar?

The real truth is; YOU spoiled it.  You spoiled the evening by not being able to adjust your vision from dream to reality and what was happening in the space.  Imagine that you shifted your energy, opened that bottle of wine and listened to your partner allowing for him/her to unwind, or even go and have a shower or bath (and what about joining your partner in the bath)?  What if you had gone with the flow?  What if you had allowed for organic movement in the plans instead of trying to control every aspect of it?

Does it mean you lower your expectations?   On the contrary, keep your expectation high but be flexible, dance on your feet.  Go with the flow and enjoy the experience.  Don’t try to control everything including how your partner should react and be.  Plan for the best outcome but most of all – let go of your expectations.  Expectations limit you, put you in a box and make you believe that things can only look a certain way – and that my friend’s is simply not true!

Love & Light

What Are You Thinking?

Today I am speaking to you about something you already know. However knowing and practicing is two different things.

Your Thoughts Are Your Most Powerful Tool!

We all know that we need to watch out thoughts for they become our reality but many of us have problems with keeping our focus. With awareness I have found that I hear my thoughts clearly now, and sometimes they are still disturbing.  

Have you ever done something seemingly and innocently silly, like go to the bank when you know it is probably going to be busy, say a Friday afternoon at four o'clock?  Of course you have.  I did that just the other day. I became aware that I was berating myself in my mind for being stupid for going to the bank at that time.  I was literally lashing out at myself.   Whoa... what was that about?

In my case it goes back to that feeling that I am constantly under pressure to get things done fast and efficiently.  What a load of BS!  At some stage I even convinced myself that taking lunch was a waste of time and you can imagine what that has done to my self-care over the years. Even though I am so aware of the problem I still struggle daily with this pressure that I put on myself.  Yes - there is the crux of the matter, what I do to myself! 

Here are a few tips that I use to keep working at it:

Second Attention:  I am always aware of my thoughts by placing my second attention on them.

Listening to my body: I stop what I am doing as soon as I feel tension in my body because it means that I am starting to put pressure on myself.

Gentleness: I treat myself gently and remind myself all day that I just need to be present. There is no rush.

Patience: I must have patience. I built this backbreaking thought pattern and habit over many years and it can't be broken in one day.  

Compassion: I must have compassion for me when I don't get it right.  Healing is a process.

So, this year I will continue to break down and through this thought barrier.  I do everything with second attention on my thoughts.  I remind myself over and over in a day that what I am currently doing is important and that I have all the time in the world to complete it. 

The ultimate goal you ask?  To walk in beauty with neutrality, strength and an open heart...

Love & Light

The Matter of Self-Worth

Ahhh… self-worth!  Such a simple concept but so incredibly illusive it seems.  I have been working with the causes of lack of self-worth for a long time looking to uncover the mystery.  Of course it is easy to simply go back to our childhoods and place the blame squarely at our parent’s feet, but I don’t think it is that simple.  For one thing we always have to remember that they were doing the best they could with the tools they had.  Yes there are some who really did have shitty parents but when the chips are down even they were only doing what they knew, and remember that much of it is linage cycles that repeat themselves.

If we want to lay the blame at their feet we should look at it from our children’s perspective, should they be placing the blame of their own lack of self-worth at our door?  Don’t you feel in your heart of heart that you did the best you could?  Sure you might know better now, but that was then.

Here is what I know… everyone has a bout with lack of self-worth, no-one is spared.  It hides in the arrogance and egotistical self-importance of some and in the indulgent self-pity of others.  It is true that every single one of us will find something that will make us feel deficient.  It could be our peers at school or at the workplace.  There is bullying and abuse in the more extreme forms and also trauma.

So how do we get rid if these feelings of inadequacy?  I have seen great successes with the following steps but it does depend on if you are willing to really let go.

Heal the inner child.  Do some deep work and allow the inner child to let go of any trauma suffered as a child whether perceived or real. 

Take responsibility. Once you have healed the child you have to take responsibility for all the decisions you have made the good and the bad.  Own the good decisions and let the bad ones go. 

Forgive yourself.  Don’t hang onto your mistakes!  We all make them, always remember every choice we make is based on what we know at the time.  Sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we wanted it to. Move on.

Erase personal history.  Don’t let your personal history stop you.  Fear is a show-stopper.  Don’t project that history will repeat itself.

Change your patterns. Becoming aware of your patterns aren’t enough, you have to change them.  Negative self-talk has to be nipped in the butt so that you can make the necessary changes to step into your power.

Know yourself. Know the situations and or people that trigger you.  Find new ways to deal with everyday challenges so that you do not revert back to your old habits.  When you stop lying to yourself about your situation or about who you are your whole universe starts to shift.  It takes courage but it is so worth it!

Last but not least… Believe in yourself! 

Love & Light