What's In My Blood....

The mystery of my ancestry has been on my mind for a long time.  I have been delving into my past and I have successfully traced my Fathers family tree back to the ancestor who immigrated to South Africa in 1694. My Mothers tree has not been that easy but I am not going to give up, I will continue to poke around.  Recently I had my DNA tested to see where I come from. The results were a mixture of "Yes I guessed that" and "Wow...really?" It has given me a deeper understanding of myself. 

As an Afrikaner I have always prided myself on the fact that I have no English blood, wrong… turns out I have quite a bit of ancestry from Great Britain.  Not Anglo-Saxon but rather Celts that stayed north of Hadrian’s Wall. To be expected – Western Europe, Nederland, Belgium and Germany is next and then Scandinavian and Eastern Europe.  The most surprising result is that there is 10% European Jewish, Ashkenazi ancestry.  So what did I find out – I am definitely of European decent!  Of course that is nothing new.

What I have uncovered is that I have expanded my view of who I am.  Basically I am a Celt because they were everywhere.  Now we think of Celts being in Scotland and Ireland but initially it was the whole area and they moved around a lot. Then of course the Vikings came and things shifted again.  I am exploring all of these pieces. I am researching their traditions, art and music and it is giving me a complete picture of myself.  I feel it also explains the unyielding spirit of my people.

It has been an interesting journey.  I think everyone should have their DNA tested it teaches you so much about yourself.   Another bonus, it adds so many new vacation destinations.

A more esoteric reason for doing this work is; if you believe in past lives then you are your own ancestor and I am searching back for a link to the past lives that have the strongest influence on this lifetime.  From the previous past life work I have done there are a number of lives that are impacting this one (in many of them I was an inhabitant of early Europe). Those deja vu moments of forgotten memories that stir when you do something you believe to be for the first time but it feels like it is not.   For me an example of this is that I decided to teach myself the Bodhran.  The day I picked it up I found I could play it – not with much finesse mind you – but I could play it.  Where did that come from?  Is it a memory from a past life?  Now I am working on honing this skill.

There is so much that lies hidden in our memories and in our blood… Is it time for you to explore yours?

2017 ~ What are you Dreaming in?

I have been watching the posts on facebook and elsewhere about what people are dreaming in for 2017 and some have been really interesting.   Everyone is brimming with optimism however some seem to be optimistic for optimisms sake.  Just because it is a new year doesn’t mean that things will necessarily change.  If we don’t make a concerted effort to take some action and make the changes we seek then most things will probably stay the same.  I have been reflecting on how I would like to approach 2017. Here are some of my thoughts.

Don’t wait for abundance to give.  Firstly, what is abundance?  Doesn’t the fact that you have everything you need and more not mean that you already receive abundance? I wonder how much more we think we need before we can give without expecting anything in return.  This is contradicted many times by social experiments where the people who have the least often give the most.  So let’s decide that we don’t need lots of money to give. We can give of our time, money according to our own ability and sometimes paying it forward in small ways. 

If you stand for something it doesn’t mean that you are automatically against something.  We live in a world where if you voice an opinion that is not in alignment with others you are instantaneously in opposition to them. This is a new phenomenon but it seems people are no longer allowed or able to agree to disagree.  If you are Pro-Choice it must mean that you are Pro-Abortion right?  Nothing could be further from the truth you only believe that women need to be able to make their own choices and take responsibility for them.  There are so many examples of this nonsense… if you think that Israel should not build new settlements in Palestine then of course you are an anti-Semite.  If you believe that the carnage in Syria is an abomination and feel compassion for the people then surely you support the terrorists in some way.  This opposition brings separation, have your heard of divide and conquer? It needs to be nipped in the bud! Make sure people understand what you stand for and don’t back down. 

Have you heard that the word Post-Truth is one of the words being added to the Oxford Dictionary for 2016?  It seems we now live in a world of exactly that, post-truth.  Everything was turned upside down in 2016 when it comes to truth and integrity.  It seems you only need to repeat a lie many times for it to become the truth.  People are distorting the truth and twisting lies until it seems like the truth but the biggest problem is that it is all perception and you are going to believe what you want depending on your bent of character.  So I am going to search for the truth and even if I don’t like it accept the truth to be the truth.  Granted that is if I can find the truth out there….

In 2017 I am going to watch what people do not just what they say.  I have made a vow to myself to meet every commitment I have made to myself.  I am good at meeting the expectations of others but I don’t always follow through on my commitments to myself.  In 2017 I am going to change that.

  

Integrity is going to be very important this coming year and I am going to hold it as a beacon of inspiration.  If we all act with integrity imagine the changes that will happen in our own lives!

I want to leave you with one last thought, remember that  Edmond Burke once said: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men should do nothing.”  Let that not be our legacy for 2017…

 Love & Light

Goodbye 2016

For many of us the end of 2016 can’t come quick enough.  Personally this has been a better year for me. The beginning was a touch chaotic but it quickly settled down into what could be described as tad monotonous.  The monotony was needed though, as I have required time to re-calibrate my life.  April 2014 was the end of my second twenty seven year Karmic cycle and since then I have been in the throes of cleaning up any Karmic debris and searching for a New Dream to make itself known.  So many things came to an end in this time and all the shifts have opened up so much space for new things to step forward.   I feel re-invented and it feels oddly natural reminding me that I have been re-inventing myself my whole life.   

At this time I usually look at the list that I created at the beginning of the year of the thing I wanted to do.  Guess what I didn’t do them all, of my list of seven things I did five… not too bad but the list was small this year.  Also these five things were just really about maintaining what was already happening.  The two I didn’t start, well they were new so I get it, this was not the time for new… only maintaining. I had to keep my focus very narrow. 

Now, it has been completely different for us as a human collective.  This year has shaken loose the dark underbelly of our nature.  The chaos that has risen up around us has been difficult to deal with at times.  The more vulnerable the people the more it was felt.  The violence and anger has been spilling out across the world driven by hatred and a separation from each other.   We have started to concentrate on the things that make us different rather than the things that are universally the same for all human beings.   With the rise of Trump and with Brexit it will not end anytime soon unfortunately.

I have to say that although I was hoping for a different outcome I knew there couldn’t be one.  This outcome, no matter how uncomfortable, is the better one.  We must remember that we were made for these times.  Each of us volunteered at a Soul level to be here and to do healing work, to stand up for the weak and push back at the darkness.  The question is – will we find the courage to stand our ground?  It is not going to be a time for apathy, each one of us will have to speak the unspeakable and stand by our conviction because as we all know…

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Edmund Burke

Love & Light

We Reap What We Sow...

I have been sitting with recent events waiting for some enlightenment, meditating trying to find peace. It has been long in coming and I have gone through the all the usual emotions shock, anger and now acceptance. For me it is not about who was elected so much as why the world in such a place that this is even a possibility.

It is simple really and we are all responsible. “How!” you cry. “How can it possibly be our fault?” We would all like to believe that we are good people and that we care for our neighbour. Sometimes we even act like we do but deep down there is a darkness of the soul that makes its-self known in the most insidious of ways.

Our thoughts of fear tear us apart.  We fear one another and separate from each other and in so hand over the one thing that will truly set us free, love.  The people who would control us know this and have been using this against us since the beginning of time.  We stand idly by while people we feel superior to are vilified. That is what it is about, our own self-importance and how we judge others for their ignorance because they do not believe as we do.

I have been doing soul searching to find the ways in which I have caused this separation.  I have meditated and done ceremony to heal these fears.  I have listened to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, looking for answers.

 I feel I may have found the answer; it is only through seeking truth and practicing compassion, for ourselves and others that will we find peace…

Love & Light

So... Why Are You Not Happy?

You got it all and yet... So many people I meet are not happy with their lives even after they have everything they have ever wanted.  They have the house, the car, the bank account and the toys yet their lives feel empty.

I often hear celebrities talk about this phenomenon Lady Gaga, Josh Radnor, Russel Brand, Eric Clapton and Cameron Dias to name but a few.  They give speeches to full auditoriums about how fame and fortune never made them feel whole, appreciated or fulfilled.  The cynic in me immediately thinks “Yeah it is easy to say when you have a full bank account, but quite another if you are living paycheck to paycheck.” I also don’t want to go to the stereotype of half-naked little children dancing in the street to show us that having nothing makes you happy – it doesn’t, hunger isn’t funny and doesn’t make anyone happy.  Then I step back, because I know better. 

At this very moment of my life I own less than I have since my childhood.  I worked hard and remained focused on my goals all my life to get to the top of my game.  Then how am I here?  I felt that some things had no meaning and then I took some risks which didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped but I am through it and out the other side. And guess what? I am happy. Every day even the ones that are not so great I am still fundamentally happy. 

Saying that you are not happy once you have all the material things you wanted does not immediately make it true that you should live like a pauper and not have material wealth at all that’s nonsense. You have to have a stable Tonal (reality).  Your basic needs have to be met food, shelter, clothing and safety. However after that there comes a breaking point where the next new toy, better car, TV’s, phones, spending for spending sake, to get the latest and the greatest doesn’t improve your life but can actually disconnect you from yourself and others.

Society also pits us against each other way past healthy competition. We can hear this in the choice of our words to describe our environments be it at work or play. 

·        The gloves are off!

·         Let the games begin.

·         The Battleground.

·         The War Room… (Really?? It is a project people get your priorities straight.)

·         He who dies with the most toys wins!

·         Dog eat dog.

·         Survival of the fittest.

There are a number of reasons we believe that happiness is always something we have to search for. It is because we have started to believe what this consumerist world has told us since we were little sitting in front of the TV being actively marketed to.  That you need to have stuff to be happy!  What a load of crap!

What do we really need?  From my own experience we need (in no particular order):

·         Integrity and self-authority.

·         Courage to stand for what you believe in.

·         To accept reality, no projections or perceptions.

·         Being proud of who you are and your lineage.

·         Be in the present.  Have no attachment to the past or the future.

·         Be present in your life and engage. Doesn’t matter if it is “good or bad”.

·         Don’t worry.

·         Give up control.

·         To be in service of others, to give of ourselves and our time.

·         No self-pity or self-importance.

·         Gratitude.

·         To dream.

·         Strive to do well and better our lives.

·         Realizing we are all connected and related.

·         Caring for the earth and going into nature to fortify the soul.

·         Not needing someone else’s approval.

·         Taking responsibility for your life and your choices.

·         To take risks that make us feel alive.

·         Self-care and self-acceptance.

·         Learning something new.

·         Expanding your life force.

·         No judgment of yourselves and others.

·         Compassion even for those who we believe has harmed us.

·         Forgiveness for ourselves and others.

WOW! That is some list you might be thinking and you are right, it is but at the heart of everything on this list there is:

·         LOVE

The most important love is the one we have for ourselves.  We need to believe that we deserve to have happiness.  If you can go to sleep at night (even if it is alone) with gratitude and a clear conscious, no worries and a deep love and acceptance of yourself… then you can be truly happy.

Love & Light.

Let Go...

I think we have spoken about this before but I have learnt more about it. As I watch the leaves turn and fall from the trees I am reminded that letting go of dead things can be beautiful and painless.  This year has been particularly beautiful. I notice people stopping at the side of the road to take pictures trying to capture the beauty.  I also know that it is impossible to capture the intense colours and that it is something that you have to commit to memory.

But let’s get back to letting go.  We all believe that letting go means that we are letting go of the past. Those past hurts and pain that we need to work with so that these things will no longer trigger us in negative ways in our here and now.  Yes this is true, but to do that we have to heal and that is a journey of self-discovery and forgiveness; forgiveness of oneself and others.

I would like to talk about letting go of something more present though.  The daily fear that our little ego’s dream up for us, the reason that our ideas are stillborn because we are too fearful of taking a leap of faith. These are not always huge things it could be as simple as self-care.  Many people put themselves last on the list and inevitably we find when we look into why, that it is because somewhere in their psyche they believe that they don’t deserve better. These negative thought are the serial killers of our happiness.  Those are what we need to let go of. 

We also know that stopping negative thoughts is one of the most difficult things to do, so I can hear you say “HOW?”  It is a process but here is how:

The Triple A approach:

·         Awareness

Once you become aware of the negative thoughts you can do something about it. So the first step is to listen. Listen to your thoughts with a second attention. Are you constantly berating yourself? Are you telling yourself you can’t possibly do something for various reasons? Are you always justifying and trying to explain yourself to yourself and others? If you are this is a cause for anxiety and stress which in some cases can become extreme and debilitating.

·         Assessment

So now that you are hearing the thoughts you must assess them. Take the little ego out of the equation and look at them neutrally.  Is the thought true? For instance “Is it real?” Do you really have to take on another person’s problems?  Are you choosing to make life difficult because that will keep the status quo and you won’t have to take a risk or step into the unknown? Are you not speaking your truth or are you denying yourself happiness because it is easier? Assess the true situation, stop lying to yourself… you deserve more.

·         Action

Now take action. Take a deep breath and change the thought.  “Yes I can, I have the skillset to… make the speech; change the dynamic of a relationship; take a stand and whatever else comes I can deal with the consequences.   

It is understood in Shamanic circles that a single thought lasts for seventy years… yes that is not a typo, seventy years. Think about that for a minute… what are you sowing?

Love & Light

Ceremony ~ Good for the Soul.

Last year two years I missed the Ceremonial Weeklong and I didn’t think anything of it until I went to this year’s weeklong.  As soon as I stepped on the land I just knew it was time… time to clear, forgive and work on strengthening my connection to Spirit. 

This year I wasn’t there to only work on myself but rather to lead others in their ceremony and I felt honoured to do so.  It was such a journey to see people arriving feeling tired and torn apart by whatever they were struggling with, and then at the end of the week witness the transformation!

I did however find some time to do my own ceremony.  I made an Inner Circle of Law Shield based on my values and principles. First I had to find those values and principles and I spent most of one day outside being chased by the Sun (as I moved to stay in the shade) reflecting and asking questions in each of the directions on the wheel.  Once I had these I could make the shield.  As I am not the greatest artist in the world I decided to use symbols to represent my Inner Circle.  Boy was I nervous when I had to make that first mark on the leather! I bound thin branches together for the frame.  I love the end result and it will hang on my wall.  This shield is a reminder of my values and principles and looking at it makes me determined to uphold them, especially when I can feel myself slipping into my “little ego” and fear.

Healing is one of the most difficult and at the same time most fulfilling things you can do.  It takes enormous courage, as the first step is to step away from fear and the patterns it keeps you in.  It is customary for the people we support during the weeklong to give us something in return.  We call it a “Heart Gift” and it can be anything.  I want to share the heart gift one of the young men I supported gave me.  He and I had our moments and some strong words were spoken because I would not let him slip into self-pity or sabotage himself.  He was there to heal and on my watch I wasn’t going leave him unchallenged!

This poem he wrote for me… it is his gift:

Gaze of the Ancients

Joy like a Child

Fierce, Independent

Mother o’ the Wild

Silver in Shadow

A Lunar Cocoon

Wolf Call o’ Wisdom

Light of the Moon

Written by: J