Ceremony ~ Good for the Soul.

Last year two years I missed the Ceremonial Weeklong and I didn’t think anything of it until I went to this year’s weeklong.  As soon as I stepped on the land I just knew it was time… time to clear, forgive and work on strengthening my connection to Spirit. 

This year I wasn’t there to only work on myself but rather to lead others in their ceremony and I felt honoured to do so.  It was such a journey to see people arriving feeling tired and torn apart by whatever they were struggling with, and then at the end of the week witness the transformation!

I did however find some time to do my own ceremony.  I made an Inner Circle of Law Shield based on my values and principles. First I had to find those values and principles and I spent most of one day outside being chased by the Sun (as I moved to stay in the shade) reflecting and asking questions in each of the directions on the wheel.  Once I had these I could make the shield.  As I am not the greatest artist in the world I decided to use symbols to represent my Inner Circle.  Boy was I nervous when I had to make that first mark on the leather! I bound thin branches together for the frame.  I love the end result and it will hang on my wall.  This shield is a reminder of my values and principles and looking at it makes me determined to uphold them, especially when I can feel myself slipping into my “little ego” and fear.

Healing is one of the most difficult and at the same time most fulfilling things you can do.  It takes enormous courage, as the first step is to step away from fear and the patterns it keeps you in.  It is customary for the people we support during the weeklong to give us something in return.  We call it a “Heart Gift” and it can be anything.  I want to share the heart gift one of the young men I supported gave me.  He and I had our moments and some strong words were spoken because I would not let him slip into self-pity or sabotage himself.  He was there to heal and on my watch I wasn’t going leave him unchallenged!

This poem he wrote for me… it is his gift:

Gaze of the Ancients

Joy like a Child

Fierce, Independent

Mother o’ the Wild

Silver in Shadow

A Lunar Cocoon

Wolf Call o’ Wisdom

Light of the Moon

Written by: J

Battle for the Soul of America...

So, the fat lady is on the stage.  She hasn’t started singing yet therefore there is still time to change the tide but I have to say that things are looking super scary!

Yes there he is – Trump in all his glory firing up the people of the United States of America with his fear mongering and bigotry.  I don’t usually watch any of the convention things – I am Canadian after all – but this year I have watched some and followed in the news and I have felt like a person watching a horror/comedy never sure whether I should laugh out loud at the outrageous things he utters or to shield my eyes with my hands.

It has however opened my eyes to so many issues and I worry for my partner and friends in the US.  Racism, inequality, violence, fear and disillusionment are everywhere and people are tired.  Tired of lies and being held hostage by the world they live in. They, just like us wish to have a nice stable life without fear, guns and anger.  Is this what he will bring in should he be elected?  I really don’t know but if history is anything to go by, i.e. his campaign so far in the race to the Presidency, then I would have to say no and I get this awful pit in my stomach.

Trump is getting away with all this because his supporters are not calling him on his BS.  I have watched person after person being interviewed and even when faced with video proof of the erroneous things he says they reject it out of hand not even acknowledging it OR scarier still they justify it.  To me it seems that they know that if they should admit to any one of his lies or statements of bigotry then the veneer that holds them together will crack and it will all fall apart.  Do yourself a favour and watch a clip or two of a Trump supporter being confronted.  An example would be a little old Grandma who looks like she smells like vanilla cookies; red-faced and hoarse from all the screaming at the rally is asked if she believes Trump is a Christian.  “Of course he is!  He is the biggest (to coin a Trump phrase) Christian there is!”  My goodness this thrice married man is the “biggest” Christian there is?  Beats me….  These people all have one thing in common. When confronted with facts about Trump’s deceptions and contradictions they all look like CP3O having a short-circuit as they search for something to say that will make him sound sane.

If Trump should be elected to the highest office in this world these followers are going to expect him to keep his promises i.e. build that wall!  In the words of Michelle Obama… oops I mean Melania Trump “His word is his bond.”

Then of course there is this whole thing with Hillary.  Some people don’t like her or trust her. There are those e-mails and the cover up…. Benghazi… What can we believe? That she will say anything to get elected?  She represents so much of the old school politician that the Millennial’s despise.   They are Bernie fans! 

Hillary does not inspire as Bernie does.  She tries her best but she just isn’t as eloquent as Obama but she is capable and has the record to back up her claims that she can do the job. I have been watching Hillary valiantly trying to bring Bernie’s bright-eyed, tie-dyed idealists into the fold. I hope they go with her because what they don’t realize is that the US is not ready for the type of politician that Bernie Sanders is.  In forty years that ruler will rise from the very ranks of the young people who stood with him now, mark my words.  I hope I am still around to see that day.

Could we witness the rise of a fascist state?  I don’t know I would hope not but...  I watched Trump being asked some hard questions about abortion.  Regardless of your own moral personal views on the matter we have to think very carefully about banning it.  History taught us that doesn’t work and it puts many women at risk… backyard abortions will still happen.  What really concerned me though is that when the reporter eventually got him to respond to the question of the law should abortions be banned Trump finally conceded that he would recommend that the women be punished (jail time perhaps).  “What about the men?” the reporter asked. “Well… no.” was the reply.  This may seems small to some but I hear the suppression and vilifying of the Feminine.  What a shame that would be to take such a step back the very instant that the first woman in history is nominated to run for the Presidency of the United States.

On the bright side, often our worst fears are not realized.  It is quite possible that Trump, if elected will be hamstrung by Congress just as President Obama has been, and if Hillary gets elected nothing will change we will have four more years of quiet growth.

If the Democrats can’t get their act together we will be in for more than just a bumpy ride.  I feel sorry for the people of the US of A.  Depending which side of the political rhetoric you listen to their choice is between a villain and a demagogue.  Meanwhile fear is running rife as Trump fires up his jean clad, baseball cap wearing troops to take over the world….

Empaths – what are you doing in my space?

I know, I just pissed a lot of people off but I think it is a question that begs asking.  I am worn out by the expressed self-pity of empaths.  What is an empath anyway?  The dictionary says: “A person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.”

Really, did I give you permission to step into my circle and “feel” my mental or emotional state? I don’t think so!  Surely my thoughts, feelings and emotions are mine to feel and own and not to be randomly high jacked by another.  What really annoys me on top of it all is that the empath will then take my angst or fears as their own; take it on and wear it like a cloak, all the time bemoaning how horrid it is to feel other people’s stuff.  Well enough then – DON’T!  I have not given you permission in the first place!

Let’s get one thing straight, this is not a paranormal ability.  Every person I know has the ability to feel what another is feeling and feel empathy for another.  Some choose not to use their ability at all and remain quietly asleep. Others don’t give a damn and disregard everyone’s feelings but their own.  That doesn’t mean they can’t, they just don’t want to.  Perhaps sociopaths and psychopaths feel nothing at all – but they are not most people, then again one could argue that they feel everything and that it is exactly this ability that makes them such skilled manipulators.

Most people will feel empathy for others when faced with their sadness or grief, this is normal.  So what is the difference you ask?  The difference is that most people will not be so presumptive as to tell you that they can feel your feelings better than you can.

Empaths that can’t go to busy places with a lot of people, or the one crying in a crowd… you need to find a way to ground yourself.  Perhaps look at ways that you can protect yourself from the onslaught of other people’s feelings.  I know it must be very confusing and chaotic.  Do you feel it makes you special and different and is this feeling of "specialness" stopping you from holding your space? Is there a different way your gift can be applied where you don’t have to be crushed by all that is going on around you? If as you say it is such a burden to bear it might be time to find a way to tone it down.  There really is no need for you to absorb my feelings or anyone else’s.

Personally I feel deep empathy for people. Let me add that this has not always been so. It is only after my awakening and starting to heal that I have been able to open up enough.  As a person who works with people working on their personal growth it is a requirement.  However, I have their permission and it is in a safe controlled environment.  When I go out into the world, I go with an open heart but a protected Soul.  I keep my fibers to myself and don’t impose my luminosity, feelings or presence.  And I don’t want anyone doing that to me…

Love & Light

6 Essentials for Healing

In the course of the last five years I have been working with many people working on self-improvement, healing and growth.  The question that I am asked most when they start their journey is what will it look like.  I always have to respond that I don’t know; it looks different for everyone.  I do know that I can’t do anything for the person other than guide.  

I personally can’t heal another for two reasons:

•    I won’t step into someone’s else’s circle and tell them what to do
•    I won’t take responsibility for another’s healing I can only guide

My job is to hold space for the person so that they can have a safe container to do their work and to offer a different perspective if they have become stuck.  The other thing I do know is that if the following is not present the healing can be superficial.

Awakening – There has to be an awakening that shows you that you can no longer keep doing what you are doing.  Everything falls apart and for some it becomes and internal struggle that leads them to self-medicate while for others it becomes and external push against everything around them.  Few people take action before the crisis, most wait until the wheels have literally fallen off.  However it doesn’t matter how you come to the realization, through choice or force, there is an awakening that makes you search for a new way of being.

Determination – Although it doesn’t have to be difficult, changing well ingrained patterns and triggers is never easy.  It takes determination to continue because often it is two steps forward and one step back.  All I can say is learn to Cha-cha.  Every time you slip into your dark, have awareness, forgive yourself and do better next time.  Soon the steps back will become less and less and you will start to move forward swiftly.

Patience – It is essential to have patience.  As you saw above there will be many opportunities to feel like you are failing.  Healing quickly isn’t impossible but it is not the norm.  Shamanism is a quicker healing methodology because the story is unimportant, unlike western methods where you need to tell the story until it doesn’t trigger you anymore, but it still requires you to be gentle and patient with yourself.  Remember the two steps forward, one back?

Ruthless Compassion – Cut through the lies of your ego!  There is no greater liar than the little ego, the one that feeds on fear and is triggered by past experiences.  Silencing the mind is arguably the most important part of the journey.  There is only one way to do that, ruthless compassion.  You can’t allow yourself to fall into self-pity or self-importance.  Self-pity will allow you to indulge your story and self-importance will make you believe that you are fine (everyone else if the problem) and that there is no need for you to fix anything because you are so special.  Have compassion for yourself but don’t fall for all the reasons you can’t, shouldn’t change your life and re-assemble your reality.  You can be your worst enemy or you can have compassion and love yourself on your journey to self-discovery.

Acceptance – Stop being a pessimist or for that matter a rose-coloured glasses person.  Start seeing things for what they really are.  Often what we don’t want to hear or believe is that we created our reality. We dreamed it in – ALL of it – the good the bad and the ugly!  That is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes.  The longer you hold onto the façade you created the longer it will take to heal.  Accept what is and disassemble the perception of your reality.  Once it is dismantled you can start assembling it again with more wisdom.

Fearless – You have to be absolutely fearless.  Healing means that you need to go place’s you have never gone before.  You will have to face your dark and see it for what it is.  Remember ruthless compassion though, always be gentle.  That darkness helped you survive some tough times in your life.  Healing also means that you will need to do things you have never done before, so you will fearlessly have to step into the unknown. 

Believe me I know it sounds a lot easier than it is.  I personally have done all of these steps on my path and still do so I know it is do-able.  Being human means that we win one day and not the next but if you are really committed to a better way of living and finding joy again then buckle down it will be well worth the effort.

Love & Light

Are you ready for Love?

When I first came up with this topic I started to sing Bad Company “Ready for love” then came “Crazy little thing called love” Queen then “Thing called love” Bonnie Raitt and on and on. I don’t think there is a topic in the universe that has been written or sung about more. Then why is it that it eludes so many?

We are obsessed with love as a species. Everything we do is in some way connected to finding that one person in the world that will love us unconditionally. We scour the earth for him or her thinking that somehow we will find true happiness. But many won’t and don’t… why?

Because love is not something that you can find, love is inside you. Happiness is not something that someone else can give you, no matter how much they love you. Happiness comes from within and is locked up in “LOVE OF SELF”!

If you are unable to love and accept yourself you will be unable to love and accept anyone else. And how do you get to that place of self-acceptance? There is only one way – and that is to heal all past hurt.

Unhealed all you will do is be triggered by the past and it will dictate how you react and respond to all the people around you. The past will always give you exactly what you don’t want; if you were abandoned you might be needy and this makes the person you are in a relationship with run in most cases. Even if he or she stays you could end up in a co-dependent relationship perhaps the other person has a need to control and bam the relationship is out of balance or even toxic.

If your trust has been shattered will you be able to truly open your heart and allow someone else to see into you? That is what intimacy means, “in-to-me-see”.  Or will you always hold a little back, just in case, to protect yourself?

So I ask again, are you ready for love? Have you healed the dark recesses of your mind? Have you let go of the pain of past hurt? Take a minute and ask not just your brain but your soul if you are.

Until you have done your own self-discovery and found out who you are at the deepest level and learned to love yourself you are only starching the surface of finding love. If you can’t love yourself unconditionally how can someone else? That doesn’t mean that you won’t from time to time slip into old patterns and act out in fear, but you will catch it before it is too late and be able to hold on to the best relationship in your life, the one with yourself… then all others will follow.

But all is not lost!  Occasionally we are lucky and we find that one person who is happy to help us unpack our baggage and burn the shit we don't need.  So keep your head up your eyes open, do your work and never let go of hope...

Love & Light

How Do Your Expectations Limit You?

Expectations can make you feel so amazing and excited for the future but it can also leave you feeling let down and disappointed.  Has that ever happened to you?

One of the things about expectations is that we get hooked on the idea, the bigger our imagination, the bigger the expectation.  People who dream really vividly and in full colour often set unrealistic expectations.  They are crushed when it doesn’t look like they expected. 

I remember this being something that I struggled with when I was younger.  As I grew older I realized that it is not always possible for everything to turn out the way you see it in your mind.  Be sure that I am not talking about visualizing a better future.  All I am referring to is the times we blow it out of proportion in our minds that reality can never match the expectation. 

The scary consequence is that we then decide not to take risks.  We don’t try anything new because we believe that it can never look as good as we see it in our minds eye.  Time and time again I have spoken to people who just stop trying because they have been disappointed to many times.  Their dreams are so full of colour that everything pales by comparison.  And therein rests the shame.

So how do we stop it?  How do we make sure that our expectations don’t leave us disappointed or that we stop chasing our dreams?  We measure our expectations against reality.  

Let’s take a simple example:

It is a special occasion, your partner’s birthday.  You have dinner plans or you are cooking your partners’ favourite meal.  To make it extra special you set the table, buy good wine and in your mind you are preparing for the perfect romantic evening.  You dress up, wear your best perfume.  Your partner arrives but he is agitated.  His day at work wasn’t anything like what he had hoped it would be.  Suddenly your beautiful planned evening starts slipping away.  This is not how you envisioned the evening playing out and you don’t know how to shift it back.  You get angry, anxious or pull away because everything is spoiled!  He / she spoiled it all!! Does that sound familiar?

The real truth is; YOU spoiled it.  You spoiled the evening by not being able to adjust your vision from dream to reality and what was happening in the space.  Imagine that you shifted your energy, opened that bottle of wine and listened to your partner allowing for him/her to unwind, or even go and have a shower or bath (and what about joining your partner in the bath)?  What if you had gone with the flow?  What if you had allowed for organic movement in the plans instead of trying to control every aspect of it?

Does it mean you lower your expectations?   On the contrary, keep your expectation high but be flexible, dance on your feet.  Go with the flow and enjoy the experience.  Don’t try to control everything including how your partner should react and be.  Plan for the best outcome but most of all – let go of your expectations.  Expectations limit you, put you in a box and make you believe that things can only look a certain way – and that my friend’s is simply not true!

Love & Light

What Are You Thinking?

Today I am speaking to you about something you already know. However knowing and practicing is two different things.

Your Thoughts Are Your Most Powerful Tool!

We all know that we need to watch out thoughts for they become our reality but many of us have problems with keeping our focus. With awareness I have found that I hear my thoughts clearly now, and sometimes they are still disturbing.  

Have you ever done something seemingly and innocently silly, like go to the bank when you know it is probably going to be busy, say a Friday afternoon at four o'clock?  Of course you have.  I did that just the other day. I became aware that I was berating myself in my mind for being stupid for going to the bank at that time.  I was literally lashing out at myself.   Whoa... what was that about?

In my case it goes back to that feeling that I am constantly under pressure to get things done fast and efficiently.  What a load of BS!  At some stage I even convinced myself that taking lunch was a waste of time and you can imagine what that has done to my self-care over the years. Even though I am so aware of the problem I still struggle daily with this pressure that I put on myself.  Yes - there is the crux of the matter, what I do to myself! 

Here are a few tips that I use to keep working at it:

Second Attention:  I am always aware of my thoughts by placing my second attention on them.

Listening to my body: I stop what I am doing as soon as I feel tension in my body because it means that I am starting to put pressure on myself.

Gentleness: I treat myself gently and remind myself all day that I just need to be present. There is no rush.

Patience: I must have patience. I built this backbreaking thought pattern and habit over many years and it can't be broken in one day.  

Compassion: I must have compassion for me when I don't get it right.  Healing is a process.

So, this year I will continue to break down and through this thought barrier.  I do everything with second attention on my thoughts.  I remind myself over and over in a day that what I am currently doing is important and that I have all the time in the world to complete it. 

The ultimate goal you ask?  To walk in beauty with neutrality, strength and an open heart...

Love & Light