Broken Relationships...

Broken relationships - we all have our fair share.  The profoundly emotional Youtube video of Artist Marina Abramovic and Ulay seeing each other for the first time in years had me thinking about my own relationships that broke along the twists and turns of this journey I call my life.  With most I am glad to say I have been able to maintain a friendship but in some cases it could never make sense.  Some I got over quickly while others took time to heal.  

So many of my clients keep getting drawn back into the past and are unable to heal the wounded spirit.   Let’s face it, ending a relationship is one of the most uncomfortable things we need to do in our lives, and we have all had to do so at some time.  How we negotiate our discomfort will inevitably plot the course for both our and the other persons healing.  This led to me considering the reasons we hang on to the memories of these broken relationships and here are but a few. 

There isn't closure.

Many people are not capable of ending a relationship neutrally. We don’t want to deal with the other person’s anger and pain so we often take the easy way out.   In this day and age it is common for someone to end a relationship via text or e-mail.  They may think they are “sparing” the other person but actually they are really only protecting themselves.  When a relationship has fallen apart and we are unable to find closure in what has happened it will often stay with us.  We will dwell on the things we should have said or the things that we need to say and are unable to say.  This is especially true if you are “ghosting” the other person by not responding to their request to formally put the relationship out of its misery.

It is sudden.

Most of us know when a relationship is on a slippery slope to nowhere, even if we don’t want to believe it to be true.  We all know of that one person that was blindsided.  Where the other person walks in one day and says “It’s over” packs their bags and leaves.  Many times it is a marriage of many years and the person left behind feels their whole life spinning out of control.  Sudden death has the same impact but the healing steps are clear because there is nothing that can be done about it.

There is bitterness.

If the split was not amicable there is often a lot of bitterness and anger on both sides of the relationship.  Where children are involved they tend to be the only ones that suffer as their parents fight.  The relationship is long over and everyone involved would be better off to just let it go and move on.  However getting rid of that anger and hate locks you into your story and past.  Which in turn is then played out in any future relationship until you say “That’s enough; my story no longer defines me!”

Yet this video makes me wonder how it would be to have one minute of deep spiritual and emotional re-connection as these two people did.  Where for one moment we can see each other as we first did the day we fell in love.  I speculate whether it would open up old wounds or if it would bring true healing.

Our ONLY purpose for choosing to become physical beings is to LOVE.  That is the greatest challenge of all for in order to do so we have to be willing to be vulnerable and live with an open heart that can be broken.  It means we can’t put up walls and lock people out.  To love others as we love ourselves even our enemies.  How can we accomplish this enormous task?   By being present today with gratitude for all that we have, every experience and the beauty of our Souls…

Change...

Change is something we all fear yet it is all around us every day.  We only have to look to nature to see that it is constant.  The seasons go about their business quietly and calmly. 

Observe a tree for one year… Every cycle it gives up everything it has and goes inside itself.  It appears to be dead during the cold months of winter, there are no stirrings of life.   Then spring hits and the sap begins to flow unseen by the naked eye however if you lay your hand on the tree you can sense a quickening.  Before you know it the green buds appear and as if overnight the tree is in full bloom with flowers and leaves.  Then the summer stage with the fruit of its growth and labour with the final stage the slow decay as it once again goes within.

Our lives mirror this cycle.  There are times when we are at the top of the world and others when we feel as if the Universe has turned against us.  The interesting thing is that this is a cycle but it may not be recognizable.  With awareness of the twenty seven year Karmic wheel you will see how your life organically changes as you move through this wheel.

What is important here is to realize how you engaged in your life in each of these areas.  As an example if you didn’t heal unresolved issues in the completion of your fist Karmic walk at age 27 then you could have dragged that with you into the next cycle.  Or if between the ages of 15-18 you became unprincipled and ungoverned you could have built up a lot of patterns that require healing and so forth.  When studying this wheel you slowly start to realize where you might have created maladaptive patterns in order to deal with the traumas of your life.

If I pay attention to where I am right now, in my 3^rd Karmic cycle I am once again calibrating my Life Force.   I made the tough decisions in my final year, healed what I believed needed to be healed and now it is time to regroup.  However I am regrouping with a purpose and refuse to fall into self-pity because things have not gone my way, also staying clear of self-importance by not blaming anyone else and taking responsibility for my own choices. 

Sure change is tough but it happens every day, either in small measure or overwhelming.  We can’t fight it and sometimes the harder we hang on, the more misery we visit upon ourselves.  The best we can do is negotiate change with a positive attitude, healing and hope…

Love & Light

What is Personal Power?

Many people speak of personal power but what is it exactly?  How do you unlock it?  These questions are asked countless times and it seems no-one and everyone has the answer.  Personal power is having the courage to actually DO what is necessary.  Most people pay lip service to their lives in general.  How many promises that you have made to yourself have you actually kept?  How many times have you let yourself down with no follow through?  I know I have more times than I care to count.

Yes I know we all have our personal history, our stories that keep us stuck in the same pattern.  Do you make excuses?  Is there always a story that justifies your lack of action?  In some cases we even go as far as placing the blame on others because taking a step towards personal power will affect them.  We do all of this to avoid taking responsibility for our lives.

One of the things that strike me about personal power is that it is not as elusive as we would like to think.  It is right there all the time, and when we step into it the outcome that we feared the most inevitably doesn't happen.  Why is that?  Because we project a future based on the imagined fear before we take action.  Once you take action the circumstances of the situation change and all projections are transformed.  Interesting…  

The biggest block against personal power is personal history.   This could be every time you were hurt, “taught” a lesson, guilt ridden, abandoned, shamed or blamed but it really boils down to one thing and one thing only… innocence lost.  You can see how these feelings can leave you bitter, vengeful or obstinate.  What can grow in soil that has been tilled with these feelings?  Personal history gives your projections power and suppresses your personal power.  It stops your ability to dream, take chances, open your heart and engage in your life.

I know that some will say that our experiences are what shape us, but they should not dictate what we do from this time forward.  If we can use these experiences as guides to avoid further hurt and loss of innocence I am all for it but if they are kept alive solely for the reason of blocking our path and putting up a wall then they serve no purpose. 

Here is a little exercise.  Think of a time when you actually stepped into your power and dealt with a difficult situation.  How did it make you feel?  Did it really turn out as bad as you had thought? What did you gain?  Now imagine that you did nothing…. Where would you be now?

I remember a particular ceremony during my warrior training that pushed so hard against my fear I nearly gave up.  I was to find a place out in nature away from everyone, dig a hole, cover it with a tarp and sleep in my “grave” overnight.  When I first heard about this ceremony I was excited and eager but as the time to do it drew closer I felt such a resistance that it was palpable.  I made up excuse after excuse, I couldn't find a place, what about bears, spiders and snakes (none of which I am afraid of with the exception of bears) etc. etc..  I walked for six hours trying to find a spot only to return and angrily confront my teacher saying that I am not doing the ceremony.  She just nodded, told me to work with the fear and walked away.  I became infuriated, how could she have such disregard for my safety.  However when I sat down with that fear I realized that being with myself with no distractions and only the work that had to be done, which was to look at my life, what I was, what I think of myself and what others may think of me should I die today, scared the crap out of me.  Being that honest with me was beyond anything I had done before.  Then it hit me, it isn't that I couldn't confront me,  I couldn't confront  my personal history, there was so much guilt, hurt and blame.  So I stepped into my power, dug my hole, grabbed a blanket, warrior journal, pen and flashlight and pulled that tarp across my grave.  I laughed at myself thinking “you made your grave now lie in it” and I started with the cleanup.  That was the first (but not the last) time I truly let go of some of my personal history.  Had I not completed this ceremony I would not be where I am today I would still be stuck with the fear of facing myself and the unknown. 

For most people this may sound quite drastic.  Of course you don’t need to do anything this extreme but do take steps towards erasing your personal history and letting it go.  Find a practitioner that can guide you gently to facing your personal history so that you can be free.

So what does it take to step into your power?  Erase your personal history and let it go.  Find the courage to do what’s necessary.  Once done you can be the sorcerer of your life, the one that weaves magic and new experiences powerful enough to propel you forward towards the life you want and need. 

Love & Light

A Guide to finding your Soul's Age....

I have been noticing that the people who have embraced a spiritual lifestyle seem to be in competition about how “Old” their souls are.  Many of my clients ask me if I know the age of their Soul, so I thought it would be interesting to research and do a “Soul Age for Dummy’s” and believe me I feel like a dummy!  What I do know is that I know nothing...  

Many hours of research later I found that I have only scratched the very surface of this topic.  There is so much to learn and so much more involved than the age of your Soul.  Long periods of inner work has brought me to the conclusion that I am probably somewhere in on the second level of the Mature Soul stage.  It is complicated and difficult to understand the “levels” and “stages” within the levels, it boggles the mind actually ~ so that is why I asked my Soul. 

Here is my interpretation of the information I have gathered.  Have some fun with it to determine where you think you are. Keep in mind that it isn't really important, what is important is that you are doing the work you have come to do.

One of the first things to know is that each age has seven stages so you can be in one age for a very long time, centuries and countless lifetimes.  The Soul ages for the world’s population are bell shaped statistically.  If it were depicted on a graph it would look like this:

Infant Soul: These are the Souls that are just starting out on their journey.  Statistically there don’t seem to be many of these in our societies.  However one of the keys to these souls is that they are raw and primitive.  They don’t have the know-how to act within social norms and structures.  The things they do make no sense to us.  An example of an Infant soul may be a serial killer or a mother that murders her children.  They seem to lack any sense of the depth of what they have done and are completely without remorse. Often they are disconnected from society, can’t find their place in this world and don’t want to be here.

Baby Soul: These Souls are all about discipline and structure.  Now that they have made it through the seven stages of the Infant soul they are in need of serious structure.  From everything I have read religious fanatics are here, from the Taliban to the Deep South.  They crave a strong sense of belonging and the rules are fiercely obeyed and anyone who is not in agreement is just wrong and shunned.  They prefer to live in close-knit communities with like people.  Order is the word of the day.  Hitler is an example of a Baby soul running rampant and unchecked.

Young Soul: These Souls are ambitious, materialistic and highly driven.  I think these souls show up in our world all the time (and according to the graph above).  Everybody wants to be a hero!  Young souls are busy developing their own perspective and agenda, finding their own talents and their own way of seeing things and doing things.  It is “me against the world… and it is all about me”. These souls are competitive with themselves and others – they have a strong need to win.  Some well-known Young souls may be – Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy Elvis Presley.

Mature Soul: These Souls are about interconnections.  It is no longer only about what is going on out there in the world but also about what is going on “in here”.  At this stage souls are starting to develop a sense of the bigger picture they want to know what makes them tick.  It is important for them to see other perspectives and allow others the freedom that they themselves seek.  All black or white views start to shift and everything seems to be grey as there is a realization that there are perspectives upon perspectives.  The souls start to develop empathy of others and their plight.  Inner conflict is very common.  Where young souls tend to blame everyone else mature souls blame themselves first.  Tony Blair, Meryl Streep, Shakespeare and Van Gogh are examples of mature souls.

Old Soul: The final leg of the journey…  Old souls have a well-developed sense of interdependence and independence possibly from a very young age.  The best way to recognize them is their inner calm and their deliberate and slower communication.  They know why they are here and what they are doing.  There isn't a big attachment to materialism however they are still connected with this world and live life fully and engaged.  Some are here to teach.  There are people who believe they are old souls purely because they are not materialistic but my understanding is that, that is not how it works.  If you have issues with being physical then there is still some way to go.  Examples are, Alice Walker, The Dalai Lama and Morgan Freeman some suggest Clint Eastwood.

All this research brought me to the question – WHY?  Why do we choose to re-incarnate?  One of the best answers I found was:

“The goal of evolution is not to escape from the wretched physical plane, despite what many teach. The end of reincarnation is not some sort of reward for good behaviour. Human existence is not a prison, or a wheel of torment, from which only the most worthy gain liberation.

We incarnate because we want to and we choose to. We keep doing it precisely because we want to come to terms with it. We know that in each life we will probably spend several decades not remembering who we are, not remembering our eternal Home, buying into the illusion of separation, experiencing fear. This is the very stuff which inspires us to become more conscious.

Completion occurs when it matters not whether you are incarnate or discarnate: you see through the illusion and you always feel at Home”.

Once the soul has completed the final stage it no longer has a need to return.  It can become one with the source and unify with soul mates that are also complete or become spirit guides.  There are however exceptions.  Gandhi returned after completion to spark a cultural revolution.  Even rarer is the return of Souls such as Jesus and Buddha who returned to become the physical embodiment of divine love, pure consciousness and ultimate truth, a piece of the Tao in human form.   

References:

The Michael Teachings

The Michael Handbook

http://personalityspirituality.net/articles/the-michael-teachings/reincarnation-the-35-steps/stage-5-the-old-soul/

I imagine that Women and Men are equal...

What do you think are men and women equal? I believe we have come a long way but we are not equal.  If we were there would be no need for this question would there?  Something brought this thought to the forefront for me this week. I was working on-site in North Carolina having a friendly conversation about stress with the site project manager when he says "Women just are not suited for certain jobs, they just can't do it".  

I confess I was taken aback, so much so that I was rendered speechless for a minute or two. After all this is 2015, such sentiments should be long gone.  More frightening was the fact that this wasn’t some old codger hanging onto the power of his youth… no this was a young man, early forties for sure and here he was saying something so offensive.

“Do you mean heavy lifting?” I asked trying to ascertain if he was referring to brute strength because obviously women just by the structure of their bodies may not be best suited to that skill. “No, they just can’t cope with anything… stress, you name it.”

A slew of things ran through my mind to say, but I decided not to because it would have been a waste of breath.  Men like this can’t be reasoned or argued with, they need time to evolve. To make things worse this guy is a South African and I was immediately filled with a sense of shame. 

It was my first time working with this team and customer. During the week things fell into place.  I realized he was just a scared boy way out of his league unable to communicate clearly with the customer or the team. Treating women and less aggressive men as inferior made him feel powerful until he was faced with what he considered a superior male; then he could hardly string a sentence together. I found myself saving him on more than one occasion.  

Should I have?  Yes… as a compassionate person I believe it was my duty. Perhaps with my help he can begin to see that we are all equal….

Love & Light

Staying Connected...

I had a wonderful time in Hawaii.  As predicted I was feeling healed by the time I left.  When I reflect back on the experience I remember that the day I arrived I was talking fast and completely wrapped up in my story of work and all the balls I am juggling every day.  One of the Sisters looked at me and said “BREATHE”.  I heard her but I stopped only for a split second to take a breath and continue my story of how tough things have been.  It was as if words were tumbling from my mouth without any control and my mind was racing a mile a minute.

After the first night I was feeling a little better.  My energy settled down and I started to speak slower with more thought.  Slowly I started to unwind and let go of all those things that fill my mind with confusion and doubt.  As the week progressed things became clearer and I was able to feel what was actually going on in my life rather than my perception of it.  I learned that I still have an issue with attachment and justification, something that I am now actively addressing…daily.  Any of my clients reading this will have a small smile right now because they know how much effort it takes to be aware and take action every time you are triggered and not to act out in your pattern.  My healing like everyone else’s is a journey.  

I digress, but the end of the week I was calm, grounded, centered and feeling strong, standing in my power soaking up the sun and heat, eating well and sleeping even better.  Then the week was over and I was on my way home….

I was so determined to hang onto this wonderful feeling of being grounded and balanced that I promised myself that I would put forward a strong intent to hold it but life happens.  Our flight was delayed by two and a half hours, still I was good…” it is what it is” I said to myself and held my ground.  For a week and two days I held it, nothing shook my ability to stay centered not even the unrelenting cold that never seemed to lift.  Then real challenges were thrown at me and my center shifted.  Lucky for me I was able to bring it back, so all is not lost and I am speaking clearly with the people who are pushing my buttons. 

It did make me question the sense of sanctuary a spiritual retreat gives you.  It is easy to be one with yourself and others when you are secluded and not really engaged in the day to day realism of your life.  By definition isn't that exactly what retreat means, to withdraw or hideaway?  It takes a lot more will to stay engaged and balanced when you are dealing with everyday chaos and the people who drive you crazy.  I won't  give up, I'll keep at it!

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the opportunity to go on the retreat, without it I think I would be a bumbling idiot or a raging maniac by the time spring arrives.  The trick is going to be in staying in a state of grace….

Love & Light

Its A Mad World....

For the first time in as long as I have been doing this I am speechless!  The news of the sadistic murder of the Jordanian pilot and the beheading of innocent people by ISIS is sickening me.  The slaughter of villages in Nigeria... Deaths in France, I could go on and on.  I usually don't talk about these things but it is becoming impossible to ignore.  This darkness has to be fought with everything we have. 

I was watching the news on the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz and there was an old Jewish man being interviewed.  He was fifteen when liberation came and the only reason he was still alive was because his father spoke to one of the guards and said he was seventeen and could work. He was in the queue being led to the gas-chamber but for some reason the guard had compassion and took him from the line and gave him to his father.  His mother and sister had already been murdered. This eighty five year old man (I wish I could remember his name) spoke of what is happening in the world right now and the correlation he drew was eye-opening.  I had never thought of it quite that way. He spoke of how the youth are being seduced by the madness - just like the Hitler Youth.  He spoke about the murder of innocent Jews in France, and that this is how it starts, but he did mention that the solidarity expressed was a step in the right direction.  

What can we do you ask? Most of us are not part of the military, our hands seem tied but we can do something.  This man dedicated his life to humanitarianism.  He did everything in his power to make the world a better place. We can force the darkness back by doing everything we can to support life.

It made me reflect on some of the things we can do.  

• Light your light and keep it burning!
• Realize that everything is connected
• Care for Mother Earth
• Random acts of kindness
• Generosity
• Pay it forward
• Compassion
• Fight injustice wherever you find it
• Step up in the defense of others 
• Heal yourself and help others do the same
• Last but not least LOVE

I know it may seem meaningless in the face of this adversity, but know that every act that supports life sends ripples out into the Universe so I call on all Light-workers... lead the way!

Love & Light

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". Edmund Burke