I imagine that Women and Men are equal...

What do you think are men and women equal? I believe we have come a long way but we are not equal.  If we were there would be no need for this question would there?  Something brought this thought to the forefront for me this week. I was working on-site in North Carolina having a friendly conversation about stress with the site project manager when he says "Women just are not suited for certain jobs, they just can't do it".  

I confess I was taken aback, so much so that I was rendered speechless for a minute or two. After all this is 2015, such sentiments should be long gone.  More frightening was the fact that this wasn’t some old codger hanging onto the power of his youth… no this was a young man, early forties for sure and here he was saying something so offensive.

“Do you mean heavy lifting?” I asked trying to ascertain if he was referring to brute strength because obviously women just by the structure of their bodies may not be best suited to that skill. “No, they just can’t cope with anything… stress, you name it.”

A slew of things ran through my mind to say, but I decided not to because it would have been a waste of breath.  Men like this can’t be reasoned or argued with, they need time to evolve. To make things worse this guy is a South African and I was immediately filled with a sense of shame. 

It was my first time working with this team and customer. During the week things fell into place.  I realized he was just a scared boy way out of his league unable to communicate clearly with the customer or the team. Treating women and less aggressive men as inferior made him feel powerful until he was faced with what he considered a superior male; then he could hardly string a sentence together. I found myself saving him on more than one occasion.  

Should I have?  Yes… as a compassionate person I believe it was my duty. Perhaps with my help he can begin to see that we are all equal….

Love & Light

Staying Connected...

I had a wonderful time in Hawaii.  As predicted I was feeling healed by the time I left.  When I reflect back on the experience I remember that the day I arrived I was talking fast and completely wrapped up in my story of work and all the balls I am juggling every day.  One of the Sisters looked at me and said “BREATHE”.  I heard her but I stopped only for a split second to take a breath and continue my story of how tough things have been.  It was as if words were tumbling from my mouth without any control and my mind was racing a mile a minute.

After the first night I was feeling a little better.  My energy settled down and I started to speak slower with more thought.  Slowly I started to unwind and let go of all those things that fill my mind with confusion and doubt.  As the week progressed things became clearer and I was able to feel what was actually going on in my life rather than my perception of it.  I learned that I still have an issue with attachment and justification, something that I am now actively addressing…daily.  Any of my clients reading this will have a small smile right now because they know how much effort it takes to be aware and take action every time you are triggered and not to act out in your pattern.  My healing like everyone else’s is a journey.  

I digress, but the end of the week I was calm, grounded, centered and feeling strong, standing in my power soaking up the sun and heat, eating well and sleeping even better.  Then the week was over and I was on my way home….

I was so determined to hang onto this wonderful feeling of being grounded and balanced that I promised myself that I would put forward a strong intent to hold it but life happens.  Our flight was delayed by two and a half hours, still I was good…” it is what it is” I said to myself and held my ground.  For a week and two days I held it, nothing shook my ability to stay centered not even the unrelenting cold that never seemed to lift.  Then real challenges were thrown at me and my center shifted.  Lucky for me I was able to bring it back, so all is not lost and I am speaking clearly with the people who are pushing my buttons. 

It did make me question the sense of sanctuary a spiritual retreat gives you.  It is easy to be one with yourself and others when you are secluded and not really engaged in the day to day realism of your life.  By definition isn't that exactly what retreat means, to withdraw or hideaway?  It takes a lot more will to stay engaged and balanced when you are dealing with everyday chaos and the people who drive you crazy.  I won't  give up, I'll keep at it!

Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful for the opportunity to go on the retreat, without it I think I would be a bumbling idiot or a raging maniac by the time spring arrives.  The trick is going to be in staying in a state of grace….

Love & Light

Its A Mad World....

For the first time in as long as I have been doing this I am speechless!  The news of the sadistic murder of the Jordanian pilot and the beheading of innocent people by ISIS is sickening me.  The slaughter of villages in Nigeria... Deaths in France, I could go on and on.  I usually don't talk about these things but it is becoming impossible to ignore.  This darkness has to be fought with everything we have. 

I was watching the news on the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz and there was an old Jewish man being interviewed.  He was fifteen when liberation came and the only reason he was still alive was because his father spoke to one of the guards and said he was seventeen and could work. He was in the queue being led to the gas-chamber but for some reason the guard had compassion and took him from the line and gave him to his father.  His mother and sister had already been murdered. This eighty five year old man (I wish I could remember his name) spoke of what is happening in the world right now and the correlation he drew was eye-opening.  I had never thought of it quite that way. He spoke of how the youth are being seduced by the madness - just like the Hitler Youth.  He spoke about the murder of innocent Jews in France, and that this is how it starts, but he did mention that the solidarity expressed was a step in the right direction.  

What can we do you ask? Most of us are not part of the military, our hands seem tied but we can do something.  This man dedicated his life to humanitarianism.  He did everything in his power to make the world a better place. We can force the darkness back by doing everything we can to support life.

It made me reflect on some of the things we can do.  

• Light your light and keep it burning!
• Realize that everything is connected
• Care for Mother Earth
• Random acts of kindness
• Generosity
• Pay it forward
• Compassion
• Fight injustice wherever you find it
• Step up in the defense of others 
• Heal yourself and help others do the same
• Last but not least LOVE

I know it may seem meaningless in the face of this adversity, but know that every act that supports life sends ripples out into the Universe so I call on all Light-workers... lead the way!

Love & Light

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing". Edmund Burke

Enter the Year of the Goat

Starting around February 4^th and coming into full swing on February 19, 2015 the Year of the Goat AKA Sheep will come into play.  This will herald a gentler energy of communication and understanding. 

I don’t think I spoke to anyone in 2014 that said that it was a calm year.  Most commented that the year was running away with them and that they were hardly holding on.  The Year of the Horse turned out to be exactly as predicted… unpredictable in nature and volatile with many twists and turns.  I know this was certainly the case for me.

I welcome a gentler year.  2015 will not be without its challenges I am sure but by all accounts there is going to be a dramatic shift in energy.  People all over the world are going to push back against the dark energies that have been trying to take hold of the world.  It is predicted that much of the political turmoil will quiet and in some cases even cease. 

Personal relationships will follow the same curve.  It will be a time for healing and extending the olive branch.  As I research 2015, healing seems to be a common thread. 

2015 will be a time for me to recover from the chaos of 2013 and the speed of 2014.  Both these years flew by for me however 2014 was a wild ride.  I did succeed in many cases and accomplished much of what I needed to but a breakneck speed! 

Prioritizing will be important this year.  Now is a time to create a solid foundation for the future.  Heal old wounds and allow the gentle Sheep to guide you to greener pastures…

Love & Light

Merry Everything!

Have you noticed the indignation of people who are upset because people are saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"?  I am a bit confused by it all.  For most of my adult life the companies I worked for sent out "Seasons Greetings" cards in order to be all-inclusive so why now the big palaver?

I honestly wonder if when asked the people know what it is that they are complaining about. Now before you throw me under the bus, or should I say sleigh, by no means am I belittling or demeaning the Christian, Christmas traditions.  Christ Mass, the birth of Jesus Christ… that is after all what Christmas stands for.  There are millions of Christians around the world who will be celebrating with a tree, Santa, presents, lights and food, but also going to Church, Mass or whatever their Christian denomination denotes.

Some of my confusion stems from the fact that many of the people getting upset aren't necessarily the ones who follow the Christian tradition of Worship.  It is my humble opinion that the blatant commercialization of Christmas is causing far more harm than saying Happy Holidays. From now until December 24^th we will be bombarded with buy, buy, buy!  Christ is so far removed from Christmas it can’t be made any more ludicrous by saying Happy Holidays. In fact I feel they are doing us a favour by including all others.

I remember well when my children were young and we had been in North America for a few years; as I was preparing for Christmas I asked them if they knew why we celebrate Christmas.  I was taken aback when I learnt that they didn’t have a clue, all they knew was that they get presents.  Needless to say I remedied it that year and we went to a little Lutheran Church on Christmas Eve so they could learn what it was all about.  If we were to celebrate Christmas it seemed important to me that they know and understand.  The fact that I follow another path is neither here nor there.

What is this time of year really about, not just for Christian, Jews, people who celebrate Kwanzaa or even Pagans?  It is about peace, harmony, love, joy, letting go of differences and blessings. So, I say - say whatever you like, as long as you mean it and you are wishing the other person peace, joy and many blessings from your heart!

Love and Light

Do you know your darkness?

I will ask again..."Do you know your Darkness?"  Have you made friends with it, healed it or do you at least understand it?  

So many of us only want to see the "good" in life.  We want life to be like the fairy-tales we were told when we were little.  The men are all hero's and the women are saved from a terrible life by a handsome prince charging in.  Picket fences and all that.

Then we get to the age where something changes.  It happens to all of us sooner or later. Somewhere between the ages of six and nine everything we believed in is broken and we are left to pick up the pieces and try to make sense of it all.  The first seed of doubt, pain and fear is planted and then we feed it, allowing it to grow.  

Innocence is lost.  It could be as small as disappointment in your parents voice or as big as abuse it is all the same for the one suffering the pain and humiliation.  Some become vindictive, lying and causing hurt for others while others fold in upon themselves like origami burying the shame deep within the folds.

Now as the Darkness of November approaches, it is time to pull the hurt, shame and loss out.  Examine it carefully and drag it into the light.  Heal the self and above all forgive the self.  Real forgiveness for yourself and others will allow the hurt to shift and be transformed.  The darkness will always remain but if you know where it is and how it was created you can work with it and use it to become whole and balanced.  Light and dark equal and partners in the path ahead.

You have a choice!  You can choose to let go of the past and live in balance truly knowing who you are....

Love and Light!

Relationships... the eternal challenge!

People have problems every day; at work, home and even socially and when you peel away the layers it all boils down to relationships. Many people are unable to negotiate relationships. We would like to think that love is enough to make a relationship survive but it takes more than that for it to be healthy. When the heady feeling of love and lust has ended the hard work begins to keep the relationship strong. The first thing you should know is that all your relationships are about you. If the relationship doesn't feed you on every level there will always be a gap in your life. What are the biggest triggers for relationships you ask? Here are ten examples that I see on a regular basis in personal relationships:

1. The people in the relationship think as individuals.
If you are not dreaming a common future and do not have the same dreams and goals nothing will save the relationship as you want different things. Therefore if there are too many “I’s” and not enough “We’s” it is probably best to let it go.

2. Fear of asking for what you need.
Most people know in their gut that the relationship is not what it is supposed to be. Not only do they ignore all the signs they are too afraid to speak up and ask for what they need from the other person. This fear is often driven by a feeling that should they ask for what they need the relationship would most likely dissolve. The strange thing is that if they eventually gather up the courage and ask, the result if usually favourable.

3. Not asking the hard questions.
It is amazing how many of us figure out too late that the other person doesn't share our values i.e. want to get married, or have kids, or how they feel about looking after aging parents or even how to blend two families, raising children . When these issues arise, and they will, it can cause an eruption in the relationship. Granted, some relationships survive the bump in the road but depending on the importance of the matter some don’t.

4. Think they can change the other person.
The fact is people change all the time however we are not talking about those changes. We are talking about traits that you don’t like in your partner right from the beginning. Thinking that you can change the person into your vision of what and ideal partner should be is a recipe for disaster. Love is warts and all, if you can’t deal with the character trait… move on.

5. The relationship is out of balance.
The relationship is out of balance when one of the people in the relationship gives far too much and the other takes without giving much in return. Two things happen in this situation. Firstly the person giving starts to feel resentful and used. The other feels guilty for accepting and frequently manipulated and emotionally blackmailed.  

6. Lack of mutual respect.
This is where one partner feels spoken down to and the other is always in control. It is a slippery slope where eventually one of the partners feels like nothing they do is ever right. Sometimes this is a mirror for the other person to see that there are control issues at work but mostly it results in one person feeling minimized. If this lack of respect is left unchecked it can spiral down into mental abuse.

7. Interests in and outside the relationship.
It is important to have shared interests however it is equally important to have interests outside the relationship in order for each person to retain their own sense of identity.

8. Not being present.
When you are together you need to be present in the moment. When one partner is distracted and not engaged with the other or the relationship it will eventually end.

9. Neediness.
Although some people actively seek out people who are needy, I call it the “Knight in Shining Armour Syndrome,” the game quickly wears thin. In the end the Knight will tire of all the saving and when that happens, the other person will end up feeling abandoned. It seldom ends well.

10. Jealousy.
Jealousy is a death knell to most relationships. The jealous person is suffering from low self-esteem and has much work to do to heal while the other person is often victimized within the relationship, blamed for things he or she has not done and left feeling anxious and fearful. There is a good possibility that jealousy will spiral downward into physical abuse.

Don’t worry… normally we don’t have to deal with all of these in every relationship and some of them never present. The key to dealing with all of the above is communication! It is essential to face your fear and speak your truth from a neutral position and take responsibility for your part in the relationship.

Love & Light